Rather than getting some actual sleep, Sam woke up first thing and went off to speak to the people of Glastonbury – and didn’t go looking for the nearest female students in Wayfarers and decorated wellies for a ‘festival fashion’ column. This is part two, <a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/music/23410-faces-of-a-festival-part-one/">you’ll find part one here</a>. – AH
As the heat of the day peaked we caught our breath with a beer. The light wind whipped dry dust into the air. Strolling through the dirt tracks connecting this vast festival I spotted a serene figure gliding through the haze.
Joshua, Netherlands
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2013/07/JoshuaNL.jpg"><img class="alignnone wp-image-23489" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL-682x1024.jpg" alt="JoshuaNL" width="313" height="470" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL-200x300.jpg 200w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL-33x50.jpg 33w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL.jpg 853w" sizes="(max-width: 313px) 100vw, 313px" /></a>
Joshua’s face had a sense of calm and tranquility to it. The kind of face I imagine a life of searching gives you. After making his money in the nefarious Middle Eastern oil industry of the 70s, Joshua had traveled the world for forty years searching for enlightenment through Buddhism.
In his hand was a small hand carved Buddha listing some of the places he’d been, including the home of Buddhism in Kathmandu over 20 times. Canada, Scotland, Portugal, New Zealand were all crudely scrawled into the figure’s back.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL2.jpg"><img class="alignnone wp-image-23486" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL2-1024x682.jpg" alt="JoshuaNL2" width="463" height="308" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL2-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL2-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL2-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JoshuaNL2.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 463px) 100vw, 463px" /></a>
Joshua’s upper arms were covered in tattoos which he respectfully asked we didn’t photograph, crossing his arms over them quickly.
He explained that across Asia centuries ago, soldiers would have their upper bodies covered in Buddhist scripture, totems giving them strength and preparing them for battle.
As we shook hands and he continued along the dusty trail, I realised he didn’t tell me what war he was fighting.
Ji Hea Lim, Deagu
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim2.jpg"><img class="wp-image-23497 aligncenter" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim1-1024x682.jpg" alt="JiHeaLim1" width="485" height="323" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim1-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim1-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim1-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim1.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 485px) 100vw, 485px" /></a>
Pirouetting through the green fields, skeletal and sweet, Ji Hea Lim’s smile was infectious and her South Korean accent rich. “I love dancing here” she told me beaming and finishing her performance with a final flourish of her long unblemished arms.
<img class="wp-image-23499 aligncenter" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim2-682x1024.jpg" alt="JiHeaLim2" width="337" height="506" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim2-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim2-200x300.jpg 200w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim2-33x50.jpg 33w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JiHeaLim2.jpg 853w" sizes="(max-width: 337px) 100vw, 337px" />
Ji Hea Lim had traveled from South Korea across the Western World, spreading a love of dance and traditional South Korean folk song Arirang. As part of a group calling themselves <a href="https://twitter.com/via_trio">Via Trio</a>, Ji Hea Lim had set out to spread Arirang across the world and learn the folk melodies of Europe to perform them back in South Korea.
The idea seemed simple especially in an age of technology where everything is online but she told me of songs not heard anywhere but Korea and undoubtedly this lack of knowledge goes two ways.
The Korean designer Yi Young Hi once exhibited Han-Bok at a Paris fashion show. Critics described it as “clothing of breeze” and, as Ji drifted wistfully back to her troupe from the piano we’d sat by, it was obvious to see why
Bo, Isle of Man
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo2.jpg"><img class=" wp-image-23502 aligncenter" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo2-1024x682.jpg" alt="Bo2" width="562" height="374" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo2-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo2-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo2-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo2.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 562px) 100vw, 562px" /></a>
Bo had been at the Battle of Beanfields in 1985 when the police stopped a large procession of new age travellers known as “The Convoy” from proceeding any further towards Stonhenge to set up what would have been the 11th festival there.
Windows were smashed, travellers truncheoned and vehicles sledgehammered. A court judgment six years later found the police guilty of wrongful arrest, assault and criminal damage.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo11.jpg"><img class="wp-image-23495 aligncenter" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo11-1024x682.jpg" alt="Bo-SID-Tattoo" width="545" height="363" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo11-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo11-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo11-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Bo11.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 545px) 100vw, 545px" /></a>
After that Bo said he just thought “fuck it” and left for Granada, Spain where… no word of a lie… he lived in a cave for four years. He worked as a living statue and street performer.
Across Bo’s knuckles was the name “Sid” a tribute to an original of the English punk scene. His prison number was etched onto his upper wrist and the acronmym A.C.A.B (All coppers are bastards) spilled across his hand.
By this point nothing seemed strange, as <a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/23410-faces-of-a-festival-part-one/">Dickin’s</a> had told me earlier “everyone’s the same” so when Bo told me of tripping on acid and cycling across the Arizona desert to Burning Man festival, it seemed like a perfectly normal thing to do.
Bob
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/BOb-CITR-Glasto.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-large wp-image-23498" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/BOb-CITR-Glasto-1024x682.jpg" alt="BOb-CITR-Glasto" width="640" height="426" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/BOb-CITR-Glasto-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/BOb-CITR-Glasto-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/BOb-CITR-Glasto-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/BOb-CITR-Glasto.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px" /></a>
Bob was the owner of a Chai shop on the corner of the healing fields. Sipping hibiscus and lime tea his soft voice still had the growl of an Essex accent.He told me how they’d put up teepees in the days building up to the festival, people “blowing around like leaves in the wind.”
Bob had arrived at Glastonbury in the 90s after an 8 year stint in India. Wrinkles drew tight around his eyes following the contours of his face like a well tracked path. Bob had watched Glastonbury grow up around him.
“Things get popular, then everybody starts to come. It’s the story of life really” he said trailing off slowly.
Felicity Footloose, Camden
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-large wp-image-23496" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose-1024x682.jpg" alt="Felicity-Footloose" width="640" height="426" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px" /></a>
A born performer yet Felicity caught me off guard with her calm composure compared to the catty style she’d displayed on stage. The femme fatale had just finished juggling knives whilst suspended on a platform above the stage held up by four members of the audience. Now we sat on the grass and whilst the greasepaint was still on her performer’s mask was off.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose2.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-large wp-image-23490" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose2-1024x682.jpg" alt="FelicityFootloose2" width="640" height="426" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose2-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose2-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose2-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/FelicityFootloose2.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px" /></a>
Still catching her breath Felicity told me of her days in the circus with Bassline and Mutoid Waste before going solo to perform her death defying tricks around the world from Abu Dhabi to Canada.
A great example of someone who had done exactly what they wanted, Felicity had neglecting those niggling fears of real-life to perform for people and pursue a passion for danger.
Tony Benjamin, Bristol
Stood at the very peak of the festival overlooking the 120,000 people gathered on Worthy Farm we met Tony Benjamin. He was wearing a suit made of African cloth he had been given by a friend.
“Suits are great because they have so many pockets” he said smiling “I’ve worn this one to every festival I’ve been to for 10 years.”
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyBen.jpg"><img class="alignnone wp-image-23487" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyBen-682x1024.jpg" alt="Tony-Benjamin-CITR-Glasto" width="425" height="638" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyBen-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyBen-200x300.jpg 200w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyBen-33x50.jpg 33w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyBen.jpg 853w" sizes="(max-width: 425px) 100vw, 425px" /></a>
Tony Benjamin is <a href="https://www.venue.co.uk/">Venue magazine’s</a> jazz & world music editor and a regular guest on BBC Radio Bristol, he told me how he used to programme the Jazz Lounge at Glastonbury until 2008.
Another festival veteran, Tony had been coming here for over 25 years. We spoke about how the festival had changed. “It’s interesting this year” he said “there’s a lot of shifting going on.”
We talked about how he felt the old hippy generation who essentially owned the festival had slowly diversified the event, making room for the tents of acid house, drum and bass and electronic music.
Tony called Glastonbury an “imaginary city” a phrase that resonated with me.
“People do things here that they actually want to do” he said “it encourages people to be more creative and involved in their minority interests… to me it’s a perfect holiday destination”
Thanks to <a href="https://www.billyrowlinson.co.uk">Billy Rowlinson</a>, everybody involved in this piece, the organisers of Glastonbury and people everywhere doing what they actually want to do. You’re all magnificent.

Faces of a Festival: Part Two

A month after Glastonbury, a towel still lies in my wash basket smelling of festival; grass, press coffee and sweated beer.
Nestled in a ritualistic region of South England, celebrations of life have been going on near Glastonbury since the dawn of time. Originating with the druids of Stonehenge, hijacked by the Christians, diversified by the hippies of the 70’s before being consumed like all else by capitalism.
I’d set out on this journey not to purely lose myself in a haze of booze and narcotics, nor simply to watch the bands perform, but to absorb the personalities of the people I met. Although at this point I must digress to say Nick Cave raised hell and the Skreamizm boat party won’t be easily forgotten.
Accompanying me though this bizarre ride was Billy Rowlinson, freelance photographer and all round nice guy. All of the photos on the page are his and you can see some of his previous work <a href="https://www.billyrowlinson.co.uk/">here.</a>
But enough of my experience, you have your own. If not, your friends will have undoubtedly regaled theirs. So here are our faces of Glastonbury. The diverse and expressive, the mainstream and off the grid. These are their stories.
Wandering up to the stone circle in the bright daylight of Friday morning it was clear that Thursday night had yet to end for some revelers. The constant hiss of laughing gas surrounded us and people lay strewn across the field in every state imaginable.
A small gathering of remarkably sober people caught our eye. One of them, sat atop a rock was reciting a familiar verse, taking me back to my Church of England schooldays.
<img class="aligncenter wp-image-23527 size-large" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2013/07/JustMarried3-1024x682.jpg" alt="JustMarried3" width="640" height="426" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JustMarried3-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JustMarried3-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JustMarried3-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JustMarried3.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px" />
<hr />
Rebecca and Mark 

A literal deflowering had taken place in the most holiest and sanctomonious way – Rebecca Flower had been stripped of her maiden name after agreeing to take Mark’s hand in marriage. The couple had arrived at Glastonbury to find their tent strewn with strawberries and flowers. It was their second wedding and honeymoon. “It’s something to do before the bands start” Sprinkler engineer Mark jokes in his rich Bradford accent.
<img class="alignnone wp-image-23600 size-large" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JustMarried-1024x682.jpg" alt="JustMarried" width="640" height="426" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JustMarried-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JustMarried-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JustMarried-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JustMarried.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px" />
Dickin Justice
Wandering down from the stone circle and into the healing fields we found a pirate sat on a swinging chair with more energy and enthusiasm than people a quarter of her age.
Dickin Justice was Glastonbury’s healer, it was her responsibility to listen and “hold the energy of the site” she told me.
Dickin told me she was once one of Arabella Churchill’s best friends. The granddaughter of the former British prime minister, Arabella left London in 1971 after refusing to represent Britain at a NATO festival in Vriginia due to America’s operations in Vietnam.
<img class="alignnone wp-image-23589 size-large" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/DickinJustice-1024x682.jpg" alt="DickinJustice" width="640" height="426" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/DickinJustice-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/DickinJustice-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/DickinJustice-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/DickinJustice.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px" />
Arabella Churchill escaped the press in London to arrive in a then rural Somerset to become heavily involved in pioneering the first full-scale Glastonbury festival alongside Michael Eavis. Despite her privileged upbringing she spent some time living in a squat and started her own <a href="https://www.childrensworldcharity.org/">charity </a>providing entertainment for children of all ages and abilities.
I could tell by the way Dickin’s voice wavered as she spoke of Arabella that she was incredibly fond of the woman. Dickin’s had grown up with Arabella and Glastonbury, her own children learning their skills as performers in the circus fields. She had been at Glastonbury for over 40 years, missing only a fateful few.
“Everyone is the same” she told me “we all feel the same things, joy, pain, hurt and hunger.” I told her who I was and what I was doing to which she responded “Remember nobody gets paid for art until they’re dead.”
In 2010 a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bellas_bridge_at_night.jpg">bridge</a> was built on Worthy Farm remembering Arabella’s legacy and the work she did for the festival and the world. As I left the field I asked Dickin if she had an email I could contact her on, she laughed and tossed her hair “Only a Filofax darling” she said smiling coyly.
James
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JohnHackney1.jpg"><img class="alignnone wp-image-23505" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JohnHackney1-682x1024.jpg" alt="JohnHackney" width="352" height="528" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JohnHackney1-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JohnHackney1-200x300.jpg 200w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JohnHackney1-33x50.jpg 33w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/JohnHackney1.jpg 853w" sizes="(max-width: 352px) 100vw, 352px" /></a>
Taking a break from a PHd in Human Rights, James told me tales of debauchery that I’m not sure are covered by the Geneva convention. I hope he appreciates me redacting here. It does leave me with very little to write about though. James hailed from Hackney and let’s just say you could tell.
Jilly
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JillyS.jpg"><img class="alignnone wp-image-23603 " src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JillyS-682x1024.jpg" alt="" width="453" height="680" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JillyS-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JillyS-200x300.jpg 200w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JillyS-33x50.jpg 33w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/08/JillyS.jpg 853w" sizes="(max-width: 453px) 100vw, 453px" /></a> 
Jilly Spencer was one the most incredible pianists I’ve seen play, her fingers racing across the ivory like a stenographer on speed. She claimed a photographic memory and repertoire of over 10,000 songs and, when tested, she played every request I threw at her, from Presley to Pachbel. I tried to chat but she was a lot more interested in music than words. I joined Jilly for a duet before drifting back into the crowd.
Freya 

<img class="aligncenter wp-image-23493 " src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Freya-1024x682.jpg" alt="Freya-CITR" width="476" height="317" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Freya-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Freya-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Freya-50x33.jpg 50w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Freya.jpg 1280w" sizes="(max-width: 476px) 100vw, 476px" />
Freya hadn’t gone to Glastonbury on her own. A shame really because an interview with a lone baby off their face would’ve been a scoop. In fact at one point I thought I had interviewed a baby off their face but it turned out to be a sweaty bald guy in a vest.
Freya’s parents Bill and Anna were from Manchester and had brought had her along for the first time. “There’s just so much stimulation” Anna tells me “She saw Chic last night and caught a fire show at Arcadia. Then she got us into heaven” I stared at her confused and wondered if my drink had been spiked.
It became clear they were talking about a bar in the south east corner of the site decked out as a hall of judgement. Good people go to heaven – a plush cocktail bar full of soft white clouds. The others go to hell – and you don’t even want to know what was going on there.
Reginald Roundabout
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/RegRoun.jpg"><img class="alignnone wp-image-23492 " src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/RegRoun-682x1024.jpg" alt="" width="367" height="551" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/RegRoun-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/RegRoun-200x300.jpg 200w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/RegRoun-33x50.jpg 33w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/RegRoun.jpg 853w" sizes="(max-width: 367px) 100vw, 367px" /></a>
I don’t need to bother editing this one down, Mendip District Councils’ Health and Safety Officer was fine to quote verbatim:
“The thing is everyone needs to enjoy themselves at a moderate level, drink a lot of water and avoid the hardcore snacks. There’s a lot of fried food out there. It’s all common sense really.”
“I’m not going to be seeing any bands, I heard the Stones were playing but I’m going to head back home, watch some TV and tend to my pigeons. I prefer soft organ music but there’s not enough diversity for that kind of thing here.”
Tony
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyAV.jpg"><img class="alignnone wp-image-23491 " src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyAV-682x1024.jpg" alt="" width="339" height="509" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyAV-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyAV-200x300.jpg 200w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyAV-33x50.jpg 33w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/TonyAV.jpg 853w" sizes="(max-width: 339px) 100vw, 339px" /></a>
Audio Visual engineer Tony only found out he’d be heading to Glastonbury two days before the festival. After procuring a ticket through what I assume were unsavoury means, he told me he had to pretend to be an Italian to get in, I’m unsure what that entailed.
A reveller I met a few drinks later asked if he’d been downing a lot of espressos and doing fascist salutes but I expect that guy was drunk. If you didn’t figure it out from the headgear and glasses Tony told me he was only there “for the crack.” I hoped he didn’t mean the highly addictive drug, but at Glastonbury you never know.
Kevin
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Vintagetroubleguy.jpg"><img class="alignnone wp-image-23485 " src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Vintagetroubleguy-682x1024.jpg" alt="" width="316" height="474" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Vintagetroubleguy-682x1024.jpg 682w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Vintagetroubleguy-200x300.jpg 200w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Vintagetroubleguy-33x50.jpg 33w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/07/Vintagetroubleguy.jpg 853w" sizes="(max-width: 316px) 100vw, 316px" /></a>
As the sun beat down we took refuge by the Avalon Inn. Stage manager to LA’s <a href="https://twitter.com/vintagetrouble">Vintage Trouble</a> and native San Franciscan, Kevin told me how Glastonbury was “beyond what you see online, you have to be here to experience it” and I couldn’t agree more.
Kevin was immediately friendly and inherently American. Leaning back into the shade with the band’s merch manager Justin, Kevin told me how the LA based band were opening the Pyramid stage that night before hitting the Liverpool Echo to start a stint supporting The Who on tour. I wished them the best of luck in our godforsaken country.
Find part two here – <a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/23514-faces-of-a-festival-part-two/">Faces of Festival: Part Two</a>

Faces of a Festival: Part One

With festival season upon us, revelers around the world are stocking up on noodles, dusting off their plastic ponchos and shaking out last year’s gritty remnants from their tents.
For me, the festival experience has always seemed like a depressingly capitalistic version of the Aborigines Walkabout. To clarify, I’m talking about a rite of passage marking a transition between the stages of our lives, not the shitty Australian theme bar. Yet regardless of the people who may be profiteering out of our experience, there’s something about the allure of spending a week escaping reality that keeps us coming back for more.
It starts with preteen stumbling and groping through the fields of Leeds and Reading in an escape from parents and structure. Doing stuff you usually wouldn’t and will definitely regret.
<img class="aligncenter" alt="Embarrassing Leeds" src="https://evolutionofhatred.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/leeds-9.jpg" width="424" height="357" />
Then, once you’ve actually developed a taste in music, you find yourself exploring the ‘slightly’ more niche festivals such as <a href="https://www.rebellionfestivals.com">Rebellion</a>, <a href="https://mamacolive.com/thegreatescape/">The Great Escape</a> or <a href="https://www.atpfestival.com">ATP</a>.
This entails pretty much the same thing as before, except you actually see some of the bands, and you’ve no excuse for waking up underneath a 40 year old woman in a portaloo. Purely hypothetical example of course…
Katherine, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry.
<img class="aligncenter" title="Source: Christopher Furlong/Getty Images Europe" alt="Baring it all at Rebellion festival" src="https://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Punks+Gather+Annual+Rebellion+Festival+XYDvnOaMmNll.jpg" width="405" height="594" />
Next you hit University and the realisation that Friday night in your hometown wasn’t the pulsing social hub of the world that you thought. There’s actually other places to get messed up, other countries nonetheless.
In essence international festivals, such as <a href="https://www.hideoutfestival.com">Hideout</a>, offer people the chance to get off their faces somewhere they probably wouldn’t have visited otherwise. There’s usually some pretty decent weather too. I’d like to write something about embracing different cultures but who am I kidding?
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2013/05/images_gallery_2012_main_event_orig_IMG_8851.jpg"><img class=" wp-image-21938 aligncenter" alt="_images_gallery_2012_main_event_orig_IMG_8851" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/05/images_gallery_2012_main_event_orig_IMG_8851.jpg" width="515" height="343" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/05/images_gallery_2012_main_event_orig_IMG_8851.jpg 1000w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/05/images_gallery_2012_main_event_orig_IMG_8851-300x200.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/05/images_gallery_2012_main_event_orig_IMG_8851-50x33.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 515px) 100vw, 515px" /></a>
Finally you find yourself in the shadow of the giants, the monolithic age-old festivals like Glastonbury and Burning man. Festivals that are no longer simply a weekend away from responsibilities but yearly milestones celebrated by millions.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/05/medium_8338014285.jpg"><img class="wp-image-22185 aligncenter" alt="Glatsonburysunfall" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/05/medium_8338014285.jpg" width="500" height="375" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/05/medium_8338014285.jpg 500w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/05/medium_8338014285-300x225.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/05/medium_8338014285-50x38.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" /></a>
Whilst comparing the festival experience to some kind of walkabout, I started wondering whether spending the weekend drinking cider in a muddy field had the same kind of spiritual effect.
I wondered whether some Glastonbury veterans – those who had attended the fetival for ten years or more – could impart some sage-like wisdom on embracing the esoteric mysteries of the experience.
After speaking to a shit ton on Twitter the sum of their centuries of experience was;
– Avoid the portaloos and shit in a ditch 
– Bring bin bags 
– Drink cider because it’s more bearable than warm lager
In conclusion, it seems no matter how long you’ve spent wandering around a field in a daze, you still don’t know what’s really going on. A bit like life, it’s all about having fun.
Crack In The Road will be at <a href="https://www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk">Glastonbury Festival</a> this year from the 27-30th June. If you’ve got any recommendations of what we should see or anyone you think we need to avoid, get in touch or leave a comment below.

Feature: Centuries of Wisdom

Returning for a second time, <a href="www.brainchildfestival.co.uk">Brainchild Festival</a> has announced this year’s line-up and it looks like a fucking masterpiece. See it in all it’s glory below.
Taking place from Friday 5th to Sunday 7th of July, Brainchild is a not-for-profit festival where many of the acts will be playing for free in support of the organiser’s ethos. Hotly tipped artists and Crack In The Road favourites, including Moko and Jamie Isaac, litter the line-up.
“We want to build a community that brings together emerging artists, poets, filmmakers and musicians in a forum of progressive ideas.” the organisers announced today “Really, this festival is a story of young people and their conviction to empower themselves, despite the media’s constant assertion that they are all just looking for a free ride.”
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-Kznq_Kmb3U" height="315" width="560" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0"></iframe>
Once again some of the folk here at Crack In The Road played a hand in helping make this year’s festival even more mind blowing, working alongside the glorious <a href="https://studentsforhappiness.co.uk/">Students For Happiness</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Welcometosteez?group_id=0">Steez</a>, <a href="https://audiodoughnuts.com/">Audio Doughnuts</a> & <a href="https://www.facebook.com/frozenthumb">Frozen Thumb.</a>
Tickets are £58 for the full weekend and available <a title="Brainchild Tickets!" href="https://brainchildfestival.co.uk/Tickets">here</a>. See you there?
LIVE
King Krule / Benin City / 9mary 
United Vibrations / Jamie Isaac / My Panda Shall Fly
Filthy Boy / Moko / Haraket / Southpaw
Nomad Soul Collective / Valve Control / Ben Hayes 
Yancey Boys / Theo Bass / The Majestic / Psylus
Sascha Keable / Rakiki Music / Cholombian / Thidius Risk
Marie Naffah / Martyna Baker / Bagel Project / Adam Blake 
Jerkcurb / The Energy / MVC / Oscar Lawrence / We Are Goose 
Big Beat Manifesto / Audio Doughnuts Live Showcase / EZRA / CIRUS
Cisza + Indea / Kirk Spencer
With more to come..
DJ’s
Brotherhood Soundsystem / Orgy Banton / Riffs / MWJ
Deft / Debian Blak / DA-10 / Tuesday Born / Ghost Circula
The Attic Project / Beau / Chesslo Junior / Real
Manni Dee / Pedaller B2B Loxton / Small_Talk 
Late Lunch & Audio Doughnuts DJ’s
POETRY 
Bridget Minamore / Zia Ahmed / Jodi Ann Bickley / Rosie Knight
Deanna Rodger / Jack Rooke / Harry Baker / Poejazzi / Cecilia Knapp
Steez Poets Showcase Tom Sanders / Zena Agha / Tim & Rory
Sean Mahoney / Deanna Rodger / Tristram Fane Saunders
THEATRE
Wind Up Collective presents ‘Black Pudding’ / ‘Far Away’ directed by Zoe Hunter Gordon (written by Caryl Churchill) / ‘Pink’ by Tania Clarke
‘Gender The Elephant by Bethan Kitchen
Vanessa Kisuule presents ‘One Last Thing’
FILM
Raoul Martinez’s ‘Creating Freedom’ / Chemical Brothers’ ‘Don’t Think’ plus Q&A with Director Adam Smith
TALKS
Louisa Young on ‘Culture of the Heart’ / The Post-Feminism Panel
+ much, much more
(Including an afternoon of talks curated by Students for Happiness organisation)
OTHER
The Note Well / STEEZ Café / Brainchild’s Graffiti Wall / Installations from Brainchild resident artists

NEWS: Brainchild Festival line-up announced

This Thursday, also known as 25th April, Crack In The Road is putting on its first ever live show, the imaginatively-titled <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/525433147500120/?ref=ts&fref=ts" target="_blank">CitR Live #001</a>. For a measly £5 you can watch not only some of the buzziest buzz-bands about, but you also get to enjoy them surrounded by some arty stuff courtesy of MadeScapes^.
Now, you may be thinking: “CitR Live sounds good and everything, but five pounds? I don’t think so”. If that’s indeed your train of thought, my reflex was to track you down and slap you upside-the-head, but, fortunately/unfortunately, lethargy halted this action shortly after inception. Even though physical inaction won the battle, I knew that something had to be done.
Then, it hit me! If I put together a list of five things that are worse value for money than CitR Live, it would solve everybody’s problems.
Shout out to Jimmy Wragg, whose blog is <a href="https://j-wragg.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">here</a>, for putting together the cover image for the post. You can follow him on twitter with <a href="https://twitter.com/Sui42" target="_blank">@sui42.</a>
 
A Pint
<img class="alignnone" alt="" src="https://www.tamarachristensen.com/uploads/2012/10/pint.jpg" width="300" height="400" />
Yeah, okay, so a pint might only cost a fiver in (reasonably) swanky central London bars, but still, a fiver?! Fuck off. If you’re going to spend your money on alcohol, rather than watching <a href="https://jamieisaac.bandcamp.com/" target="_blank">Jamie Isaac</a> rip it up, then show a little bit of sense and grab yourself a few cans of Special Brew or, at the very least, a bottle of Frosty Jacks. #classy4LYF
 
Five Packs Of Premier League Football Stickers
<img class="alignnone" alt="" src="https://www.theintoy.co.uk/images/images_big/premfull.jpg" width="500" height="500" />
To be fair, five pounds would buy you quite a few stickers. The real problem is that, although you might get close to fifty stickers, you’re really only just scratching the surface of one of those ridiculous-sized annuals you have to stick them all in. Plus, I can guarantee that, of those five packs, over half of them are gonna be doubles. Even if they’re your first stickers of the season.
 
A Single Peak Ticket From Neasden To Plaistow
<img class="alignnone" alt="" src="https://www.mytrainticket.co.uk/admin/image-resizer.php?w=508&h=260&keepAspect=y&crop=y&img=project/uploaded-media/travelcard.jpg" width="508" height="260" />
Firstly, why would anyone want to travel from Neasden to Plaistow in the first place? Secondly, why anyone would shell out almost a fiver for that abortion of a journey? It’s not even like travelling on the tube is a pleasant experience; all you’re gonna get is a sore arse and a strong smell of piss.
 
Two iPhone Cases That Look Like Cassette Tapes 

<img class="alignnone" alt="" src="https://technabob.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/iphone_cassette_case.jpg" width="600" height="630" />
I’m not confident that having two iPhone cases would be all that useful, but I guess you could double-up for extra protection (HA!). Anyway, I never really “got” the whole making your phone look like a tape thing. Do people think that if they get mugged the robber will just leave them alone because they’re confused about why they’re carrying round a tape?
 
A Three Piece Combo Meal From Your Local Chicken Shop 

<img class="alignnone" alt="" src="https://www.clevescene.com/binary/24e3/1292358458-fried-chicken.jpg" width="430" height="300" />
Okay, you’ve got me, this is actually better than the gig.
 
There you have it! The shameless plugging is over and, hopefully, I’ve convinced you of the positive impact that coming to CitR Live #001 will have on your life. The Facebook page for the event can be found <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/525433147500120/" target="_blank">here,</a> while you can grab tickets from <a href="https://www.residentadvisor.net/event.aspx?466892" target="_blank">Resident Adviser</a> or <a href="https://www.wegottickets.com/event/216179" target="_blank">WeGotTickets</a>. Go on, you know you want to.

Feature: Five Things You Could Waste A Fiver On

In the eyes of many, the best thing that Thatcher ever did, apart from, you know, dying, was inspiring a countless number of bands to write songs about how they really weren’t that fond of her. The thing is though, that for every subtle(-ish) masterpiece like ‘Ghost Town’, there are thousands of less impressive anti-Iron Lady songs, most of them by Billy Bragg. Now, at CitR we’re not just gonna write an article to garner some hits of the back of a news story; we’re going to try and be snarky and insulting too.
 
Frank Turner – Thatcher Fucked The Kids
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1NyWbhCxZE
Honestly, I hope you’re reading this Frank Turner, because there’s something I’d like to say:
Fuck you, buddy.
On one hand, I feel kinda bad about insulting the man, he did his time in a (post-)hardcore band, built his folk fanbase from the ground up and genuinely seems like a pleasant guy, but then I listen to his music and those factors just get washed away in his piss-stream of sound.
Now, ‘Thatcher Fucked The Kids’ was released in 2006, which, when I went and checked, was roughly sixteen years after she stepped down. Sixteen. Fucking. Years. Say what you want, but I seriously doubt that NoFX are going to be writing songs about George W. Bush in 2025. Hell, even if they did, they at least lived through his entire term, while Mr. Turner was born in ’81.
Maybe I could look past this if the lyrics were an elegant and allegorical deconstruction of Thatcherism, but, alas, they read like the scribblings an editor of an adolescent political zine would find somewhat heavy-handed. Put it this way, if you were going to play a game of protest-song-bingo and this came on, everyone would win.
 
 
The Specials – Maggie’s Farm
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DA8KR0Qo8R8 

There’s something hauntingly pathetic about deciding to record a protest song and realising that someone else has already done it better, so you may as well just do a version of that. I mean, what does it say about your political dedication if you can’t hammer a couple of chords together and shout about how much The System irks you?
If you want to be pedantic, it’s easy to state that Bob Dylan’s version of Maggie’s Farm was itself a reworking of an old folk song, but that’s kinda missing the point, as the recycling of music is a folk staple that does not exist in the Two Tone movement. It’d be akin to Mumford & Sons deciding that they really, really dig Hip-Hop’s vernacular and are going to endlessly drop “bitch”, “fag” and the “n-bomb” on their next album. To be fair to them, if they did, I would probably actually listen to it.
 
Billy Bragg – pretty much any song he’s ever written 

I’m not going to choose a single Billy Bragg song, because I don’t have to and you can’t make me.
 
Klaus Nomi – Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vXR5gjRMPk
I never really worked out what a German living in New York had to do with Thatcher, but she must have done something or other that pissed him off pretty badly. I can’t really imagine how someone would annoy me enough that I would consider covering a song from The Wizard Of Oz to be a logical and level-headed way of dealing with my emotions though, but that’s most likely a personal failing.
Then there’s the fact that ‘Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead!’ was released in 1982, a good thirty-one years before Thatcher actually snuffed it. This means that the song has, at the time of writing, only been factually accurate for two days and that, in my humble opinion, is just not acceptable.
 
So, there we have it. The real question we need to roll round our minds, is what have we learned from this article? Well, as it turns out, it wasn’t just free milk and miners that Thatcher fucked (WAY-HEY!).

Feature: Four More Things Thatcher Fucked

<a href="https://www.datpiff.com" target="_blank">DatPiff </a>is an awesome site. Even if you ignore the fact that it’s the premium location for finding new mixtapes, it has the hidden benefit of being a veritable cornucopia of cover art. Now, I didn’t want to ruin the magic of many of these album covers with small concerns like “what it actually sounds like”, so I take no responsibility for the quality of the music. Well then, without further ado, and in no particular order, I present my ten favourite pieces of artwork from DatPiff this week.
 
1) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/A-Rodge-Ele-mixtape.470650.html" target="_blank">A-Rodge – E.L.E.</a>
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/a-rodge_ele-front-large/" rel="attachment wp-att-20552"><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2013/03/A-Rodge_Ele-front-large.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
Just take a moment and look at those eyes. There’s an endless expanse of pain and suffering that seems to seep out from them, I mean he’s smiling, but I’m far from convinced that he’s actually happy. It also probably doesn’t help that he looks like the lass from <a href="https://socialnewsdaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Overly-Attached-Girlfriend-Uses-Meme-For-Charity.png" target="_blank">Overly Attached Girlfriend</a> meme. I’m also digging the backwards cap with the quiff poking through. It’s a strong look that balances gangsta style for the men out there, with a seductive, metrosexual tint for DA LAYDEEZ. I’ve also heard that bitches love comic sans.
 
2) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/Various-Artists-Ballers-Vol3-mixtape.470490.html" target="_blank">Various Artists – Beach Ballin</a>
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/beach-ballin/" rel="attachment wp-att-20565"><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/03/beach-ballin.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
When observing a truly great piece of art, your mind should be awash with the questions you need to ask in order to comprehend the covert meaning of the imagery, and Beach Ballin is no different. What’s the deal with that woman in the background to the left? Why is the bro in the middle staring at that the giant woman’s elbow? On that note, why is she so massive? What kind of man who is so close to a sack full of CA$H and has such a luminescent watch would drink out of a plastic cup? These are the kind of queries that make us human.
3) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/LITTLE-MAN-Its-Lils-The-Demo-no-Pen-Or-Paper-mixtape.470827.html" target="_blank">Little Man! – It’s Lil’s … The Demo! (No Pen Or Paper!</a>)
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/little_man_its_lils_the_demo_no_pen_or_pap-front-large/" rel="attachment wp-att-20615"><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/03/LITTLE_MAN_Its_Lils_The_Demo_no_Pen_Or_Pap-front-large.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
It’s Little Man! This cover upsets me slightly! The man is holding a fist full of cash, yet claims he can’t afford a pen or paper, or, seemingly, a shirt! That displays a serious issue with dealing with the realities of everyday life! At least he has that cleaver, so he can hunt his own food, because, with his inability to even sort out the appropriate level of his stationary needs, I feel that going to the supermarket might be beyond him!
4) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/Boy-Logix-Ass-Nation-mixtape.470788.html" target="_blank">Boy Logix & InFiniti – Ass Nation</a>
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/boy_logix_infiniti_ass_nation-front-large/" rel="attachment wp-att-20617"><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/03/Boy_Logix_InFiniti_Ass_Nation-front-large.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
If there’s one thing that I’ve learnt in my 24 years, it’s that there’s no such thing as too much ass or too much lens flare.
5) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/jfrass-Easter-Bashment-It-Tun-Over-2013-mixtape.470563.html" target="_blank">Jfrass – Easter Bashment It Tun Over 2013</a>
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/jfrass_easter_bashment_it_tun_over_2013-front-large/" rel="attachment wp-att-20619"><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/03/jfrass_Easter_Bashment_It_Tun_Over_2013-front-large.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
Jfrass does not fuck with the whole “reading something from top-to-bottom” tradition, he’s far too much of a badass for that. Truthfully though, if I was his size and towered over a room of shadow people, I too would disregard the traditions of the written word. Got to say, I hope Jfrass is getting some money for that Usain Bolt advert, otherwise the athlete is just taking advantage of the “The Mix Master’s” fame.
6) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/King-Pimpin-King-Pimpin-Muzik-Volume-2-Hoodbound-Edition-mixtape.470412.html" target="_blank">King Pimpin – King Pimping Muzik Volume 2 Hoodbound Edition</a>
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/king_pimpin_king_pimpin_muzik_volume_2_hoodbound_e-front-large/" rel="attachment wp-att-20621"><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/03/King_Pimpin_King_Pimpin_Muzik_Volume_2_Hoodbound_E-front-large.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
Photoshop is a phenomenal tool. It still amazes me that images can be edited in such a seamless manner that, fifty years ago, experts would have been unlikely to recognise them as fake. Now, I’m not wholly confident that this has image has been edited at all, as surely anyone who would grant themselves the moniker “King Pimpin” would possess their own throne from which to pimp. Otherwise, they’d have to call themselves “Manager Pimpin” or “Associate Pimping”, and I don’t believe King Pimpin would lie to me like that.
7) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/the-drew-ftlil-john-marine-brown-The-Drew-Dope-Shit-mixtape.470514.html" target="_blank">The Drew Feat. Lil John Marine Brown – The Drew Dope Shit</a>
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/the_drew_ftlil_john_marine_brown_the_drew_dope_shi-front-large/" rel="attachment wp-att-20623"><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/03/the_drew_ftlil_john_marine_brown_The_Drew_Dope_Shi-front-large.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
Sometimes, I feel that artists just put in too much effort, what happened to nonchalance?
8) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/ZooBoyChapo-This-Is-All-I-Know-Part1-mixtape.470536.html" target="_blank">ZooBoyChapo – This Is All I Know Part 1</a>
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/zooboychapo_this_is_all_i_know_part1-front-large/" rel="attachment wp-att-20626"><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/03/ZooBoyChapo_This_Is_All_I_Know_Part1-front-large.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
This might be the most awesome thing I’ve ever seen. It’s pure $$$WAG visualised in motherfucking SPACE. There are dollars, UFOs AND a submarine.
9) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/Killa-Throwed-Ufo-Fly-2013-mixtape.470137.html" target="_blank">Killa Throwed & Day Beatz – UFO Fly</a>
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/killa_throwed_daybeatz_ufo_fly_2013-front-large/" rel="attachment wp-att-20628"><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/03/Killa_Throwed_DayBeatZ_Ufo_Fly_2013-front-large.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
Now this guy I don’t like. I’m not sure if it’s that unsettling leer, his glowing third nipple or simply the fact that he’s swearing at me.
10) <a href="https://www.datpiff.com/NOAH-The-Chronicles-Of-Noah-ditibution-mixtape.471180.html" target="_blank">NOAH – Tha Chronicles Of Noah (Di$Tibution)</a>
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/20551-feature-the-ten-best-mixtape-covers-on-datpiff-this-week/attachment/noah_the_chronicles_of_noah_ditibution-front-large/" rel="attachment wp-att-20661">><img class="size-full wp-image-19823 alignleft" style="margin-left: 0px;" alt="" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/03/NOAH_The_Chronicles_Of_Noah_ditibution-front-large.jpg" width="500" height="500" /></a>
There’s nothing quite like staring off into the middle distance to make me perceive you as a deep-thinker and/or philosopher. Hold on, what’s this? Military insignia? Is it possible that NOAH has a violent edge to his musings? Maybe, but then, maybe not. All I know is that whatever he’s pondering, it’s going to be a weighty and serious topic.
So, there we have it. The Ten Best Mixtape Covers On DatPiff this week is over. We’ve learnt a lot, had some emotional moments and come out the other side better, smarter and with more SWAGGER. #thuglyf

Feature: The Ten Wildest Mixtape Covers This Week

Frank Turner fan? Hey, maybe you should get a tattoo of his lyrics and upload it to the dedicated <a href="https://www.facebook.com/FrankTurnerTattoos/photos_stream" target="_blank">Frank Turner Tattoos Facebook Page</a>. I’m not here to judge his music, but I admire the dedication of his fans. Kudos. Here’s a selection of the best Frank Turner related tattoos.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2013/02/539860_587644507929583_675954234_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20073" alt="539860_587644507929583_675954234_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/539860_587644507929583_675954234_n.jpg" width="640" height="480" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/539860_587644507929583_675954234_n.jpg 640w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/539860_587644507929583_675954234_n-300x225.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/539860_587644507929583_675954234_n-50x38.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px" /></a>
 
Hold on a second, gonna take me a while to read this one.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/10893_587640047930029_37091424_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20075" alt="10893_587640047930029_37091424_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/10893_587640047930029_37091424_n.jpg" width="960" height="720" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/10893_587640047930029_37091424_n.jpg 960w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/10893_587640047930029_37091424_n-300x225.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/10893_587640047930029_37091424_n-50x38.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px" /></a>
I think that’s a Monster Energy drink tattoo.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/312309_587639987930035_1695895244_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20076" alt="312309_587639987930035_1695895244_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/312309_587639987930035_1695895244_n.jpg" width="800" height="600" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/312309_587639987930035_1695895244_n.jpg 800w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/312309_587639987930035_1695895244_n-300x225.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/312309_587639987930035_1695895244_n-50x38.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px" /></a>Let’s get matching Frank Turner tattoos to show our undying love for each other.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/521272_587049921322375_1582383734_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20083" alt="521272_587049921322375_1582383734_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/521272_587049921322375_1582383734_n.jpg" width="960" height="720" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/521272_587049921322375_1582383734_n.jpg 960w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/521272_587049921322375_1582383734_n-300x225.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/521272_587049921322375_1582383734_n-50x38.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px" /></a>
 
Awww, another matchy one.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/1849_587639877930046_1942698626_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20077" alt="1849_587639877930046_1942698626_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/1849_587639877930046_1942698626_n.jpg" width="960" height="720" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/1849_587639877930046_1942698626_n.jpg 960w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/1849_587639877930046_1942698626_n-300x225.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/1849_587639877930046_1942698626_n-50x38.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px" /></a>
 
I guess the irony is that, when standing in the sea, this tattoo won’t be visible.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/382244_587639524596748_1722948125_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20078" alt="382244_587639524596748_1722948125_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/382244_587639524596748_1722948125_n.jpg" width="600" height="450" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/382244_587639524596748_1722948125_n.jpg 600w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/382244_587639524596748_1722948125_n-300x225.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/382244_587639524596748_1722948125_n-50x38.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /></a>
 
Rig Obert Song would have worked better, personally.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/559740_587639517930082_2002875159_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20079" alt="559740_587639517930082_2002875159_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/559740_587639517930082_2002875159_n.jpg" width="453" height="592" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/559740_587639517930082_2002875159_n.jpg 453w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/559740_587639517930082_2002875159_n-230x300.jpg 230w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/559740_587639517930082_2002875159_n-38x50.jpg 38w" sizes="(max-width: 453px) 100vw, 453px" /></a>
Blogging is my substitute for love.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/253108_587639167930117_1789575332_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20080" alt="253108_587639167930117_1789575332_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/253108_587639167930117_1789575332_n.jpg" width="540" height="720" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/253108_587639167930117_1789575332_n.jpg 540w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/253108_587639167930117_1789575332_n-225x300.jpg 225w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/253108_587639167930117_1789575332_n-38x50.jpg 38w" sizes="(max-width: 540px) 100vw, 540px" /></a>
If anyone asks if you’re going to hell, this tattoo comes in handy.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/537110_587057041321663_828102400_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20081" alt="537110_587057041321663_828102400_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/537110_587057041321663_828102400_n.jpg" width="960" height="720" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/537110_587057041321663_828102400_n.jpg 960w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/537110_587057041321663_828102400_n-300x225.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/537110_587057041321663_828102400_n-50x38.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px" /></a>Maybe there’s irony in the fact that so many people have this line tattooed on them.
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/543893_587056777988356_1167912251_n.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-20082" alt="543893_587056777988356_1167912251_n" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/543893_587056777988356_1167912251_n.jpg" width="960" height="717" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/543893_587056777988356_1167912251_n.jpg 960w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/543893_587056777988356_1167912251_n-300x224.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2013/02/543893_587056777988356_1167912251_n-50x37.jpg 50w" sizes="(max-width: 960px) 100vw, 960px" /></a>
The only thing that’s left to do is get a Frank Turner tattoo.

Feature: The Ten Worst (Or Best) Frank Turner Tattoos

So with 2 weeks gone by since the very first year of <a href="https://brainchildfestival.co.uk/">Brainchild Festival</a>, I’m finally in a position to comment on the weekend. But before anyone, (let’s face it probably me), gets all self-masturbatory over what a stonking weekend it turned out to be; I’d firstly like to thank, the organizers, who allowed us to collaborate on the project in the first place, the bands, producers, DJs, poets, artists, film-makers and comedians, who all brought with them a level of joy and enthusiasm that perhaps topped even our own. You ARE Brainchild Festival, and you always will be.
Fuck, that got a bit wet didn’t? I’ll stop. The point I’m trying to make I guess is, ‘Brainchild felt different’. No adverts, no overpriced drinks, no bookings simply to pull in the punters, no backstage and certainly no VIP area. Without realising it, over the course of the weekend, we rather precociously created a village; even if it happened to be the most un-self sufficient village imaginable. We didn’t even have fucking showers. We should definitely get showers next year. Regardless of hygiene issues, by the end of the weekend I felt as if I knew everyone by face, and very few festivals can offer that.
The most exciting aspect of the weekend though, at least for me, was slightly more abstract. There seemed to be an umbrella covering us all that weekend, every last person at the festival brought with them a vibe, a way of thinking, an opinion or maybe just a bag full of drugs, but whatever they brought with them, we all felt it. When one person was down, we all felt it. When one person was high, we felt that too. Maybe it was because the site was small, or maybe it was because the capacity was only 500 people. Whatever the reason; I haven’t felt like that in a long time,and it felt really fucking good.

Brainchild Festival: A Word From CitR

A lot can happen in a week.
There was the London marathon, debates about governmental cuts and <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2133643/Why-loo-roll-getting-smaller-Sainsburys-cuts-size-attempt-reduce-environmental-impact.html">Sainsbury’s decision to cut down the size of loo roll.</a> But we’ve got even better (and exciting) news.
Since Crack in The Road’s <a title="Announcement: Crack in the Road X Brainchild Festival" href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/music/16056-announcement-crack-in-the-road-x-brainchild-festival/">announcement to collaborate with Brainchild Festival</a> last week, which has then seen many sleepless nights and a lot of favours from mates (thank you), we have added more bands to our growing line up.
Yes, there are a lot of festivals happening this summer. We know that. You know that. Heck, Bob Dylan and Suede are playing on the same weekend at Hop Farm. You might be thinking to yourself, ‘pretty fucking stupid to mention a better line up at a different festival on the same weekend’. Well it’s not.
In our opinion, here at Crack in The Road, every band we present to you below are worth more than them lot. Yes Bob Dylan and Suede are legends, but these talented musicians are pioneers in their own right. They are the past, the present and the future of music all rolled into one.
It’s for that reason; we’re straying away from the usual ‘festival blog’ approach of writing blurbs for each artist. We’re not lazy. We’d just rather the artists, and their music, speak for themselves.
They’re not scared to experiment, and aren’t controlled by money hungry management or labels. They’re talent, at it’s best, with the magical ability to manipulate and encourage your view of the world to flutter through their music. Fuck Metronomy, Jessie J and Kaiser Chiefs. We’d much rather it this way.
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/mypandashallfly?ref=ts">MY PANDA SHALL FLY</a>
‘MPSF was born out of a weekly book club that gathered downstairs in a church in West London. We would wear furry headgear, play instruments and dance around like idiots till the early morning.’
<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/21814893" frameborder="0" width="500" height="400"></iframe>
<a href="https://kultcountry.bandcamp.com/">KULT COUNTRY</a>
‘Dreams fluttered through my mind, your society was enslaved by nostalgic bribes, stigma, notions of popularity, looped in regurgitation, in need of love…but all you gave me was war.’
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=1940597465/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/throwingup">THROWING UP</a>
“You never think about it you just do it. Iggy-punk-pop-rock? That’s kind of it. Sounds a bit poppy, there’s a bit of screaming. Girls on their periods.”
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6z-g0s_nXik" frameborder="0" width="480" height="360"></iframe>
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/dogfeetmusic">DOGFEET</a>
<div data-jsid="message">“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”</div>
<div data-jsid="message"></div>
<iframe src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F35857634&show_artwork=true" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" width="100%" height="166"></iframe>
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/jaccogardnermusic">JACCO GARDNER AND THE SKYWALKERS </a>
“Creates a unique sound by combining the sounds of Harpsichord, Strings, Flutes and other classical instruments with raw psychedelic effects.”
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/_yjlXKliYYA" frameborder="0" width="560" height="315"></iframe>
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/drivetheband">DRIVE</a>
“Sweet noise.”
<iframe src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F16982289&show_artwork=true" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" width="100%" height="166"></iframe>

Brainchild Festival: My Panda Shall Fly, KULT COUNTRY, Jacco Gardner, Throwing Up, Dogfeet and Drive confirmed

After months of planning, nervous breakdowns and late night meetings, Crack in the Road is pleased to announce a collaboration with <a href="https://www.brainchildfestival.co.uk/">Brainchild Festival</a>. If you’ve followed the blog for a while now, you’ll know we don’t plunge into things like this lightly, the last one being a charity record with <a title="CitR and Youth Music Present…" href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/music/7835-citr-and-youth-music-present/">Youth Music</a>, a worthy cause I’m sure you’ll agree.
But <a href="https://www.facebook.com/BrainchildFestival">Brainchild</a> is different, and more importantly she wears her differences on her sleeve. Taking place from the 29th of June to the 1st of July, the festival is a celebration of thinking, originality and personal belief. Sounds pretty vague and wet right? Let me explain.
Take any preconceptions you had about modern festivals and politely tell them to evacuate. Now imagine a festival without a backstage or VIP area, imagine camping next to the headliners, imagine beers that aren’t £5 a pop, imagine a round the clock cinema sponsored by the BFI, imagine poetry, comedy, political talks; imagine a celebration of ideas, imagine a celebration of self.
Now imagine it with 500 other like-minded people in a field in Easthampstead, (just outside of Reading), and you’re pretty close.
We couldn’t be more excited about this and as a follower of this blog we’re pretty sure you will be too. Below is the first wave of acts, with the headliners set to be announced this Friday. Trust us when we say this; you’re going to be very fucking excited.
The capacity is set strictly at 500, grab your tickets <a href="https://brainchildfestival.bigcartel.com/">HERE</a>, and do it soon to avoid disappointment.
<a title="Jamie Isaac" href="https://jamieisaac.bandcamp.com/" target="_blank">Jamie Isaac</a>
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=2724681688/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
<a title="Blaenavon" href="https://soundcloud.com/blaenavon" target="_blank">Blaenavon</a>
<iframe src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F27437598&show_artwork=true" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" width="100%" height="166"></iframe>
 <a title="Pandr Eyez" href="https://soundcloud.com/pandreyez" target="_blank">Pandr Eyez</a>
<iframe src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F15063315&show_artwork=true" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" width="100%" height="166"></iframe>
<a title="Death Rattle" href="https://deathrattle.bandcamp.com/track/the-dig" target="_blank">Death Rattle</a> 
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=3268353586/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
<a title="Phosphor" href="https://phosphor.bandcamp.com/album/to-never-love-again" target="_blank">Phosphor</a>
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=4085764199/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
<a title="Waskerly Way" href="https://waskerleyway.bandcamp.com/track/storm-song" target="_blank">Waskerley Way</a>
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=869305959/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
<a title="Cholombian" href="https://soundcloud.com/cholombian" target="_blank">Cholombian</a>
<iframe src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F40707507&show_artwork=true" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" width="100%" height="166"></iframe>
<a title="Palmistry" href="https://soundcloud.com/palmistry" target="_blank">Palmistry</a>
<iframe src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F35198534&show_artwork=true" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" width="100%" height="166"></iframe>
<a title="ALTAS" href="https://atlasband.bandcamp.com/track/lullaby" target="_blank">ATLAS</a>
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=1096669412/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
<a href="https://bloodsport.bandcamp.com/">Blood Sport</a>
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/album=3528324129/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
<a title="Nomad Soul" href="https://soundcloud.com/nomad-soul-collective" target="_blank">Nomad Soul</a> 
<iframe src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F29890229&show_artwork=true" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" width="100%" height="166"></iframe>
Check the whole line-up <a href="https://www.brainchildfestival.co.uk/lineup.html">HERE</a>, buy tickets <a href="https://brainchildfestival.bigcartel.com/">HERE</a>, and check back this friday for some more exciting announcements!

Announcement: Crack in the Road X Brainchild Festival

<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/life/15532-kony-2012-propaganda-and-social-networking/attachment/img_2941-2/" rel="attachment wp-att-15534"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-15534" title="IMG_2941" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2012/03/IMG_29411-260x173.jpg" alt="" width="260" height="173" /></a>
It’s probably safe to assume that if you’ve found this article, you’re internet-savvy enough to have already been exposed to the Kony 2012 campaign. With well over 2 million views on YouTube and 5.2 million views on Vimeo, as well as countless shares around Twitter and Facebook, the campaign has certainly proven true its own claim about the power of social media in changing the world. And why shouldn’t it be successful? Millions of people around the world coming together to stop the crimes of an evil man and make the world a better place – that sounds pretty ideal. And call me cynical, but I think we can assume that to believe things are that simple is staggeringly naïve.
This morning, I came across <a href="https://visiblechildren.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">this</a> and <a href="https://innovateafrica.tumblr.com/post/18897981642/you-dont-have-my-vote" target="_blank">this</a> – Visible Children is a self-professed critique of Kony 2012 written by Grant Oyston, a student at Acadia University, Canada, whilst You Don’t Have My Vote is a fantastic article which exposes some major flaws with the campaign. They’re worth a read, certainly, and the issues they bring up are startling. It seems that there are a variety of problems with the campaign that transform it entirely from the shining beacon of light and progress in Uganda that it presents itself as, into an altogether more worrying and (dare I say it?) horrifying affair. From the seemingly harmless (such as the use of donations on ‘staff salaries, travel and transport’) to the more disturbing (such as the group’s support of the highly questionable Ugandan military, the revival of the ‘White Saviour’ and a radical desire for military intervention into the country), these writers really rather effectively pick apart the flaws in the Invisible Children group. However, I’ll leave it to you to make your mind up about the group’s ethics and message. What I found far more worrying, upon waking up this morning to a world gripped with Kony-fever, is the sheer power of propaganda on display.
Take a look at our featured image for this article – those men are the group’s leaders posing with weapons and members of the Sudan Liberation Army. There is no doubt that Invisible Children are radical to at least some extent. As I’ve expanded on above, it is also somewhat clear that whilst the group’s overall aim is honourable, their methods are questionable. But what they’ve done, with a half hour video, some posters and some Facebook/Twitter accounts, is create a façade that the entire world has blindly bought into. As I write, ‘#stopkony’, ‘Uganda’ and ‘Invisible Children’ are all worldwide trending topics on Twitter. The Invisible Children Facebook page’s wall is glittering with support and praise. Millions of people around the world are throwing their money at this organisation on the basis of one video. A single, half an hour video, put out by Invisible Children, telling people to donate to Invisible Children and spread the message about Invisible Children. And people are following, without question. How is this not utterly horrifying? No doubt, what we’re witnessing is a masterpiece of propaganda and the effects that bias can have on the general public. And why shouldn’t people buy into the video? It has everything you can relate to – the naïve child, the terrible villain, and the great hero. It’s so meticulously constructed to make us support the ‘good guys’, and play down any questions or worries we have with what the ‘heroes’ are doing.
So what can we do about this? Am I saying that we should all stop donating and go back to our lives? No. I’m saying that we should be using social media to its full extent. Networking has allowed this video to take the world by storm. It’s making people’s minds up for them. What we need to do is spread the truth – get these Tumblr pages spread as much as the Kony 2012 video, and level out the bias – tear down the saintly image that Invisible Children has created for itself, and show the world the truth. This campaign is, depending on your viewpoint, either a noble attempt to gain support and stop a major war criminal through justified and necessary means, or an ultimately pointless publicity campaign by a radical group trying to extract vengeance on one tiny part of a major problem. Only when people have both sides of the story, though, and recognise this conflict as being made up of by shades of grey and not good versus evil, will people be able to make an informed decision about whether they want to support this group. At the moment, though, for a world that is being increasingly driven by the exchange of information, most people seem to be remarkably ill-informed.
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://video.unrulymedia.com/wildfire_68157331.js"></script>

KONY 2012: Propaganda and Social Networking

Let’s face it; no one likes Valentines Day. As I sat in a bar in Dalston this evening, bitching about past loves and drunkenly rambling about future lovers, it occurred to me that the whole day is completely counter productive to love in general, for those that are removed from and it and those that still enjoy it’s company. Either you’re alone and miserable, or disillusioned by the pedestal on which your relationship now sits.
I’m not bitter though, I’m definitely not bitter.
Regardless of my opinions of the day, the ‘holiday’ brings with it a wealth of music. Either a cynical ploy to generate blog buzz and record sales, or an appropriate day to release a good old fashioned love song. Either way; here are our highlights.
<a href="https://charlixcxmusic.com/" target="_blank">Charli XCX</a> – Valentine
<iframe src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F36577477&show_artwork=true" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" width="100%" height="166"></iframe>
40 Winks – Only Love
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 Cassie – King Of Hearts
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Gabriel Bruce – Cupid
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Jack White – Love Interruption
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Diplo & Usher – Climax
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Ango & Jacques Greene  – No Ordinary Love (Sade Cover)
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Feature: Valentines Day – The Tracks Worth Listening To

Oh Valentine’s day… the time of year where star-crossed lovers across the Western world are expected to prove their love to each other, smothering their partners with thoughtless gifts &  mass produced cards full of sickeningly sweet & idealistic love propaganda. At no other time of year, no matter how hard you try, will you ever be able to convey your love for another person more conveniently & commercially than on February 14th. Who knew love would be as easy as petrol station flowers & a bottle of Blossom Hill?
Despite the depressingly capitalistic nature of modern day Valentine’s, it’s origins are pretty cool. Valentine’s day was all about sex, sacrifice and Roman paganism until the 14th century poet Geoffrey Chaucer created the connection between Valentine’s day and the concept of courtly love in his poem ‘Parlement of Foules‘. Before then Valentines was literally the Middle Age’s equivalent to a swingers party where men picked girl’s names out of a bowl to <a href="https://books.google.es/books?id=_bqdZbKPztMC&pg=PA60&dq=saint+valentine%27s+lupercalia+year&hl=en&sa=X&ei=uXI4T8CgLITX0QWB4OiSAg&ved=0CDYQ6AEwATgK#v=onepage&q&f=false">decide who they’d fuck</a>. Romantic right?
So without further ado, here’s a Valentine’s gift from CitR because we love everyone who supports the blog & inspires us to keep doing what we do. Play this mix of fuzzy lo-fi pop songs from the last 8 years to celebrate and/or mourn the feelings you get from the release of neurotrophins, serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin, testosterone & estrogen. Hooray!
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/audio/Love_Is_A_Commodity_-_CITR.zip">Click here to download the ‘Love Is A Commodity’ Valentine’s mixtape</a>
<h6 style="text-align: right;"><a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/audio/Love_Is_A_Commodity_-_CITR.zip"><img class="size-medium wp-image-15001 alignleft" title="AlbumArt" src="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2012/02/AlbumArt-260x260.jpg" alt="Valentine's Day Mixtape 2012" width="260" height="260" /></a>Casiotone for the Painfully Alone – Young Shields 
 Black Bear – Black Bear 
 Deerhunter – Nosebleed 
 SKWBN – Loop Duplicate My Heart 
 Think About Life – What the Future Might Be 
 Moscow Olympics – Keeping the Avenues Open 
 Sweet Valley Slumber Party – Racing Hearts 
 Panda Bear – Atiba Song 
 Jeffrey Lewis – Roll Bus Roll 
 Bishop Allen – Flight 180 
 John Maus – Bennington 
 Fast Summer – Noble Oak</h6>
 
NB: All of these songs are freely available to download elsewhere on the web but if any of the featured artists has a problem with the free promotion then <a title="Contact CitR" href="mailto:site@crackintheroad.com">email us</a> & we’ll be happy to remove your tune from this Valentine’s day playlist.
 
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CitR’s Valentine Mixtape: Love Is A Commodity

An exploration into the world of recycled spaces, that seem to have spawned from the past eras of squatting, Hamish Wirgman finds the places and the past.
One brisk mid December evening I find myself in an odd but pleasantly surprising venue. The low hum of chitchat reverberates round the rough brown walls, a small group of tables huddles by the front door, full to the brim with people, sits close to a black sticky bar near a back door close enough to hear the drone of distant music. We chat over hot cups of whisky and lemon, the steam enveloping my eyes from time to time. We make our way out of the back door with its makeshift weighted pulley system to keep it shut, past gutters filled with grass and a sprig of holly. We walk onto a dry wood paneled floor and the smell of pines greets my senses as we enter a decked area surrounded by trees, and a large glowing sign tells me I am in the new creations of Frank Boxers Peckham Hotel.
It seems that after the ban on squatting, there is a response to this in the emergence of recycled spaces that appear to keep popping up all over the place. Peckham Hotel is one of the most recent, created by Frank Boxer, the man behind the infamous summer pop-up roof top café bar Franks, which makes its home on top of a disused car park opposite Peckham Rye station. Peckham Hotel will be open for approximately 3 months and is situated in an old disused hotel on Copeland Road, which the owner has let him use for the pop-up before it is knocked down. The bar is surrounded by a couple of galleries, one of which houses Lucky Pdfs, Yuri Pattison’s recent works. While in a conversation at the venue, my friends said, “ It feels like a squat, but its legal.” Later we asked how Frank managed it and he replied, “I have an inspector coming round tomorrow.”
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/life/13930-feature-the-rebirth-of-the-recycled-space/attachment/squat-cafe/" rel="attachment wp-att-13932"><img class="alignnone size-homepage wp-image-13932" title="Squat-cafe" src="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2012/01/Squat-cafe-660x495.jpg" alt="" width="568" height="439" /></a>
The Deptford Project
Frank Boxer isn’t the only one who has taken the aesthetic to heart. A project called the Deptford Project, in Deptford of course, uses an old tube train as a café. Inside, the décor is made up from chairs covered with witty, sitting related sayings, chandeliers made from electrical tubing, a glass fronted display showing salads, sandwich fillers and the open kitchen beyond. The food is all sourced locally, and the whole place is decked out by local artists, so it’s very responsibly sourced.  As well as being a great destination to go and eat and relax, the Deptford project is as the name suggests: a project which is focused on building on the community, running workshops and supporting local projects. In the past they have had pieces of live art made in their garden, such as the Silent Cinema and an outdoor pop-up cinema where you wear head phones to watch the movies. Most recently they held a Christmas market, which again sold local produce.
Outside of South London there are similar, if not more secretive projects. One of these is in Bethnal Green, on the fifth floor of an old office block, in an underground club-like set up. The friend who informed me of it said it has no name, she has asked for the dj and herself to remain anonymous and the address of the place anonymous aswell, which admittedly adds to the venue in a secretive way. To enter the venue you take a lift to the floor: “ Going up in the lift built so much suspense”, one girl said. As you arrive you’re greeted with a room decked out with odd chintz armchairs in a bare brick room and a sort of bar with no pumps. Just two Portuguese men who only accept tokens you bought from a stall and only serve spirits or Redstripe.  My friend was on the door for a night of Minimal House, which she’s found out about through a DJ friend of hers. She described the venue as having a whole wall of fairy lights, with only strobes for alternative lighting and a low ceiling reverberating the house feel. The toilets seemed to even be an experience in itself, “To get the toilets you had to step into a wardrobe on one of the walls into a toilet only lit by a singular red bulb in the center, with a basin large enough to sit in,”. A truly underground DIY feel to the place again taking on the squat feel in its own way. What makes it seem even more underground is its lack of nights, having only one every month, as well as its only promotion being word of mouth and banning any sort of promotion in articles such as this.
It is not just London that has been bitten by the bug of recycled spaces. Oxford has recently had several recycled pop-up spaces, one of which is the Plebs’ College. Plebs’ College is a free education centre based in a squat on 55 Randolph Street, Oxford. The space includes a library, a café and classrooms. Although there is minimal access, as you have to climb up a ladder to enter the space and therefore limiting some members of the public, it offers those who can reach it a free school. This trying to keep ‘true equality’ as they put it.  The school does a number of workshops and events through out the year in their makeshift environment. Eviction has been sprung on them a couple of time as the space was abandoned for a year or so, but now that locals actually use the space, it is having a positive effect on the community and it seems that is how they have dodged eviction for now.
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/life/13930-feature-the-rebirth-of-the-recycled-space/attachment/peckham-hotel-exteria/" rel="attachment wp-att-13935"><img class="alignnone size-homepage wp-image-13935" title="Peckham hotel exteria" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2012/01/Peckham-hotel-exteria-660x499.png" alt="" width="660" height="499" /></a>
Peckham Hotel 
Squatting has long been part of British tradition. In the 17th century we had the ‘diggers’, a group of protestant oddities who took unused common land and cultivated it to their own advantage. After the Second World War it was almost a given for people to squat, as vast numbers of people found themselves without a home after the war. In more recent times squatting has been popularised with the extortionate fees students found themselves facing. In 2011 the government announced there were over 20,000 squatters in the UK and 650,000 empty properties for them to make their homes in. For those who pay rent, this can be a hard bullet to bite. “It’s my property, so what if I’m not using it at the moment, why are you allowed to take it?”, was something said to me the other day when the subject of squatters was brought up, and sure enough, last year attempts to criminalise those who squatted began. In the end, Kenneth Clarke, Secretary of Justice, passed the law of  ‘Legal Aid, Sentencing and Punishment of Offenders Bill’ and thousands of squatters had to relinquish the hold on their temporary homes.

Feature: The Rebirth of the Recycled Space

After writing the first <a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13083-sound-of-2012-part-i-josh/" target="_blank">Sound of 2012</a> article, I not only realised that I’d missed out so many incredibly exciting upcoming acts, but also that it wasn’t quite as sonically diverse as I’d originally envisioned. With Part I focusing quite heavily quite on lo-fi orientated songwriters and solo musicians, Joel took about compiling <a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/music/13260-sound-of-2012-part-2-%E2%80%93-joel/" target="_blank">his own list</a> of acts who may well find commercial success in 2012. Now, the balls back in my court, to bring you a list of slightly more obscure artists, whom I believe will flourish in the coming twelve months.
Ouisa Hound
Having only <a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13120-introducing-ouisa-hound/" target="_blank">introduced</a> Ouisa Hound a few days ago, I’ve had his two debut tracks pretty much been on repeat. With the intimately atmospheric feel he creates proving particularly powerful, I was also intrigued by the eloquent way that Ouisa Hound went about describing his own music – ‘Of this music, it is perhaps enough to say this and no more: it was born of a brain pregnant with good and sober sadness.’ If that’s not enough to entice you to check out his two debut tracks Gloom Roaming and Well Overtaken, then I may as well give up now.
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REID
Another artist with only a handful of tracks under his belt, young Irish beatmaker REID conjures up majestically elegant ambient soundscapes. With the Four Tet influence fairly plain to hear, it’s refreshing that REID relies less on sampled vocals and instead specializes in drawing the listener in to his own visualised world. Having released a double A side through <a href="https://www.weareblahblahblah.com/">Blah Blah Blah Records</a> earlier this year, the next few months are looking especially bright for REID.
<object width="100%" height="81" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="https://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="https://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F26433289" /><embed width="100%" height="81" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="https://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F26433289" allowscriptaccess="always" /></object> <a href="https://soundcloud.com/reid/genesis">Genesis</a> by <a href="https://soundcloud.com/reid">REID</a>
Sam Cleeve
Seemingly appearing from nowhere, Reading producer Sam Cleeve fashioned one of the most emotionally fraught instrumental records of 2011. With a sombre, majestic piano forming the backbone to many of his tracks, the layers gradually build and spiral into a beautiful cacophony of sound, opening the listener up to Cleeve’s wondrously expansive soundscapes.
<object width="100%" height="81" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="https://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="https://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F23791448" /><embed width="100%" height="81" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="https://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F23791448" allowscriptaccess="always" /></object> <a href="https://soundcloud.com/samcleeve/metropolis">Metropolis</a> by <a href="https://soundcloud.com/samcleeve">Sam Cleeve</a>
Noble Oak
Another artist whose electro-ambient inspired release No Bloke registered amongst my top EP’s of 2011. With his immaculate production values and confidently spacious atmospheres, this Canadian producer is clearly a perfectionist with his tracks, chiseling each and every one to his exact vision. All that said, it’s the untouchable simplicity that allows Noble Oak to excel; this is music to fall in love to and nobody can deny you that.
<object width="100%" height="81" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="https://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="https://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F28058913" /><embed width="100%" height="81" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="https://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F28058913" allowscriptaccess="always" /></object> <a href="https://soundcloud.com/nobleoak/01-perfect-triple-backflip">Perfect Triple Backflip</a> by <a href="https://soundcloud.com/nobleoak">Noble Oak</a>
Rochelle Jordan
Out of all the acts I’ve mentioned across both my Sound of 2012 lists, Rochelle Jordan is probably the most likely to see mainstream success in the next twelve months. With a host of relatively high profile magazine shoots and interviews underway, you can guarantee that people WILL be talking about her. Her sassy, sensual attitude and slick R’n’B vibes make her lightly comparable to The Weeknd and Frank Ocean, but with a slightly more raw edge that’s undeniably appealing. Check out her debut album <a href="https://rojoproto.bandcamp.com/album/r-o-j-o" target="_blank">R O J O</a>, as well as recent singles Here I Go and _Shot.
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=1492655602/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
Hollow Pigeons
This kid is 15. Yes, you read that right. Fifteen. Even if Hollow Pigeons only succeeds in one area, it’ll be making you feel old. His chillwave inspired tracks showcase a maturity far beyond his modest years, and his Birthdays EP deservedly gained him a fair amount of recognition earlier in the year. Mixing a remarkable knowledge of production with elegant samples, 2012 may be slightly too early to be touting this teenager as a star, but given the strength of his releases so far, who knows where his music will take him.
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=2411728750/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
MONEY
The least Google-friendly band name of the year goes to Manchester’s MONEY. Having previously gone under the similarly obtuse names Books and Youth, their shows in their home town are kicking up rave reviews. Managed by Max Moran (Egyptian Hip Hop, Vondelpark), their music is a gorgeous Arcade Fire meets WU LYF car crash, featuring sombre pianos and strained vocals, alongside gritty images and footage from World War 1 documentaries. Pretentious? Slightly. Awesome? You bet.
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oqTMGy18Co8" frameborder="0" width="560" height="315"></iframe>
Polar Dear
In Even If I’m Late, electro-pop duo Polar Dear released one of the indie dance anthems of the year. Part Bloc Party, part Justice, it’s irresistible and deserves far more coverage than it’s experienced so far. Alongside the track, the duo made a stunning video, encapsulating the vivid energy of their music (and also featuring a couple of rather attractive young women). Their follow up release Thanatos took their sound in a slightly different direction, whilst maintaining their dominant dance inspirations.
<iframe src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/28206406?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" frameborder="0" width="400" height="225"></iframe>
 
<a href="https://vimeo.com/28206406">Polar Dear – Even If I’m Late</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/user8005920">Polar Dear</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.
League
A two piece from one of the slickest cities in the world, who create Beach Boys inspired surf pop; LA’s League pretty much epitomize ‘cool’. Whether it’s the 80’s Cure vibe of Your World or the sugary sweet How Do I Know, these kids do it better than anyone else around. Take a handful of your dreams, a packet of marshmallows and a star-eyed, beauteous girl, and you’d still only be halfway to imagining the sound that League create. In short, League are awesome, and your girlfriend will love them.
<iframe style="position: relative; display: block; width: 400px; height: 100px;" src="https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/album=3772462799/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/" frameborder="0" width="400" height="100"></iframe>
 NO
Having wowed the blogosphere with their euphoric Stay With Me earlier on in the year, then dropping their nigh-on flawless debut EP Don’t Worry, You’ll Be Here Forever, Echo Park’s NO have had a pretty sensational end to 2011. With a full-length record in the works, and the five piece extremely excited to hit the road, 2012 is set to be a fantastic year for the group. Combining the intimate lyricism of The National with their very own, unique touch, NO write anthems of the highest quality, destined to be played to packed venues.
<object width="100%" height="81" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="https://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always" /><param name="src" value="https://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F27536075&" /><embed width="100%" height="81" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="https://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fapi.soundcloud.com%2Ftracks%2F27536075&" allowscriptaccess="always" /></object><a href="https://soundcloud.com/nomusicforme/01-another-life">Another Life</a> by <a href="https://soundcloud.com/nomusicforme">NO.</a>

Sound of 2012 (Part 3 – Josh)

Here we are, the grand finale, the one you’ve all been waiting for, the Pièce de résistance… alright, you get the gist. We’ve been through lame, perverted gingers (#7), overzealous, past-it rockers (#8) and even the worst app since the one that imitated the iPhone user drinking a beer (#15). So, before someone sues us for slander against a certain Mr Sheeran, here’s #5-1 in Crack in the Road’s Tool List 2011.
#5) Myspace
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/music/13221-the-tool-list-2011-5-1/attachment/myspace/" rel="attachment wp-att-13240"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13240" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Myspace" src="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2011/12/myspace.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="423" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/myspace.jpg 500w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/myspace-300x253.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" /></a>
I’m surprised the URL myspace.com isn’t up for sale on one of those dodgy domain flogging sites, or better yet, been bought by Lana Del Rey’s dad. To the best of my knowledge, Myspace has remained almost exactly the same since Rupert Murdoch bought the company back in 2005, with a handful of lose change he had on his bedside table ($580mil). Therefore, it was no surprise when Murdoch took a $550million pound hit to offload the company to Specific Media LLC in June this year. What frustrates me the most about Myspace however, is that there are still bands who choose to use it, in-spite of far superior alternatives. The layout is clunky, it’s choc a-block with adverts, and they never really did find a viable solution for downloading straight from the music widget. With the growth of Soundcloud and Bandcamp, as well as the simplicity of building and hosting music on your own website, surely it’s only a matter of time before Myspace ceases to exist, but until then, please, please, PLEASE refrain from burdening yourself with it. Also, you can now sign in to Myspace through your Facebook account… wouldn’t that be like buying a full bottle of Coca Coca then trading it in for half a bottle of Pepsi?
4) Hashtags and Top Trends
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In a year when Twitter has grown beyond anyone’s predictions, unfortunately, so has the use of annoying hash tags and frustratingly immature trends. Whether it’s #HarryShowUsYourBalls or #BieberShitOnMyStomach, there should be a rule wherein anyone tweeting about One Direction, Justin Bieber, JLS, Cher Lloyd or Lady Gaga automatically has their account suspend and their fingers chopped off. However, that would potentially then lead to numerous tweets along the lines of ‘domne diresdfvtiosn fkorfdever’ as millions of 14 year old girls try to type with their toes. On second thoughts, that’s still better. #smh
3) Spotify & Facebook Collaboration
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13221-the-tool-list-2011-5-1/attachment/facebook-spotify-technorotic/" rel="attachment wp-att-13242"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13242" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Spotify & Facebook" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/facebook-spotify-technorotic.jpg" alt="" width="478" height="436" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/facebook-spotify-technorotic.jpg 478w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/facebook-spotify-technorotic-300x273.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 478px) 100vw, 478px" /></a>
I don’t care which of my Facebook friends are being aurally molested by One Direction and which are developing tinnitus due to the vocal chords of Rihanna. It’s a shame, as with more thoughtful initiatives there could be a useful program there, i.e. one that locks in to your recent likes and recent plays and recommends new music based on both parameters, when in truth, all it does is remind me who I need to delete from my friends list.
2) Redacted for legal reasons. 

1) The guy from Oasis and the other guy from Oasis
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At best, Oasis have two albums worth of good material, none of which was written within in the last ten years. So it only stands to reason then that when the two founders go their separate ways, that their debut solo attempts will be two of the best albums of all time, right? No. These projects both appear to be filling in time (and the Gallagher’s pockets) until some sorry fucker fronts the six figure sum for an Oasis reunion tour. In a year when The Stone Roses reformation made the front pages, it was always going to take something special to ‘out-bland’ that, but boy did Liam and Noel push the boat out.
So, that’s it folks, here’s a full run down of the Tool List 2011:
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/" target="_blank">Part I</a>
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13201-the-tool-list-2011-15-6/" target="_blank">Part II</a>
25) Loutallica
24) Lana Del Rey
23) Radiohead
22) Joey Barton
21) The Triangle (∆)
20) Tulisa’s Birthmark & Tattoo
19) Charlie Sheen
18) The Stone Roses
17) Viva Brother
16) Witchouse
15) Hipstamatic
14) People who think Inception is the greatest film ever
13) News International
12) The Inbetweeners
11) One Direction Fans
10) Top 50 Lists
9) Tyler, The Creator
8 ) Morrissey
7) Ed Sheeran
6) The Vaccines
5) Myspace
4) Hashtags and Top Trends
3) Spotify & Facebook Collaboration
2) NME
1) The guy from Oasis and the other guy from Oasis

The Tool List 2011 (5-1)

So, now we’ve all agreed that the Stone Roses are the biggest money grabbing schmucks since The Smurfs, and that anyone who likes The King of Limbs may also enjoy repeatedly banging their head off a concrete wall whilst chewing on the remnants of a glass coffee table, let us continue with CitR’s very own, not to be taken too seriously, Tool List 2011. (<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/" target="_blank">See part I – 25-16</a>)
15) Hipstamatic
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What’s cooler than a photograph of your feet alongside the tweet #newshoes? A photograph taken with Hipstamatic of course! You could always take it one step further and purchase one of those really expensive, tacky cameras from a highstreet clothes shop. The cool is endless.
14) People who think Inception is the greatest film ever
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13201-the-tool-list-2011-15-6/attachment/in-your-dreams-e1280240379259/" rel="attachment wp-att-13204"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13204" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Inception" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/in-your-dreams-e1280240379259.jpeg" alt="" width="550" height="913" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/in-your-dreams-e1280240379259.jpeg 550w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/in-your-dreams-e1280240379259-180x300.jpeg 180w" sizes="(max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px" /></a>
Don’t get me wrong, Inception is a good film, but by no means is it the ‘greatest film of all time’. Hell, it’s not even Di Caprio’s best film from 2010 (see Shutter Island). I’ve grown sick to death of reading film reviews from this year, that state, ‘it’s an enjoyable film, but by no means as good as last years masterpiece Inception’. Urgh.
13) News International
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13201-the-tool-list-2011-15-6/attachment/rebekah-brooks-chief-executive-of-news-international-and-rupert-murdoch-news-corp-chief-executive-attend-the-cheltenham-festival-in-march-2010-pic-reu-73243084/" rel="attachment wp-att-13205"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13205" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="rebekah-brooks-chief-executive-of-news-international-and-rupert-murdoch-news-corp-chief-executive-attend-the-cheltenham-festival-in-march-2010-pic-reu-73243084" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/rebekah-brooks-chief-executive-of-news-international-and-rupert-murdoch-news-corp-chief-executive-attend-the-cheltenham-festival-in-march-2010-pic-reu-73243084.jpg" alt="" width="488" height="317" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/rebekah-brooks-chief-executive-of-news-international-and-rupert-murdoch-news-corp-chief-executive-attend-the-cheltenham-festival-in-march-2010-pic-reu-73243084.jpg 610w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/rebekah-brooks-chief-executive-of-news-international-and-rupert-murdoch-news-corp-chief-executive-attend-the-cheltenham-festival-in-march-2010-pic-reu-73243084-300x194.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 488px) 100vw, 488px" /></a>
If anyone was unsure as to the future of printed newspapers, News International have sealed the demise of that section of the media. 2011 has been a year to forget to Murdoch & Co, with the phone hacking allegations dominating the front pages, alongside the emergence of Murdoch’s controversial relationship with Brooks, it’s only a matter of time before he decides to leave News International behind. Amongst the scandal, those who do have my sympathy are the innocents either caught up in the phone hacking, or the those who have been made scapegoats and lost their jobs due to decisions made by their seniors. Oh, and I don’t feel sorry for Hugh Grant, the sleazy scumbag.
12) The Inbetweeners
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13201-the-tool-list-2011-15-6/attachment/theinbetweeners/" rel="attachment wp-att-13206"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13206" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="theinbetweeners" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/theinbetweeners.jpg" alt="" width="472" height="334" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/theinbetweeners.jpg 472w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/theinbetweeners-300x212.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 472px) 100vw, 472px" /></a>
‘Film of the Year’ ‘Gag for gag, the funniest film of the year’ Everytime I get the train into work, glaring adverts for The Inbetweeners DVD remind me just how stupid, easily swayed and immature a fairly sizable proportion of the British public are. How anyone found the TV show funny is completely beyond me; aside from encouraging the use of ‘your mum’ jokes, the acting was unfathomably half-arsed and uninspired. So, it goes without saying, that I’ve lost a huge amount of respect for anyone who went to go and see the film. The only time 25+ year old actors playing kids worked, was in The OC. End of.
11) One Direction Fans
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13201-the-tool-list-2011-15-6/attachment/1-direction-out-about-doing-the-beatles-famous-walk-x-one-direction-17140825-500-293/" rel="attachment wp-att-13207"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13207" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="One Direction" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/1-Direction-Out-About-Doing-The-Beatles-Famous-Walk-x-one-direction-17140825-500-293.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="293" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/1-Direction-Out-About-Doing-The-Beatles-Famous-Walk-x-one-direction-17140825-500-293.jpg 500w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/1-Direction-Out-About-Doing-The-Beatles-Famous-Walk-x-one-direction-17140825-500-293-300x175.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" /></a>
I think these five posh talentless twats have two songs, yet they have thousands of gullible thirteen year old female fans. Not only that, but their abuse of Caroline Flack for simply shacking up with one of their ‘loves’ was nothing short of disgusting. Instead of lambasting the fans for the next few sentences, I’ll let some of the idiotic tweets speak for themselves.
‘In a year One Direction did the X Factor, came 3rd, recorded an album, became number one, sold out their tour in 14 minutes…’ (@NiallFrance)
‘How to get into One Direction’s tour without a ticket. Number 1: dress up as an old lady and claim you’re Harry’s girlfriend.’ (@TeamDirection)
‘Writing “One Direction” in books on walls on your arms on your friends on name tags on the table all over your pencilcase <s>#</s>YouraDirectioner’ (@1DsOneThing)
I give up.
10) Top 50 Lists
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Who cares enough to make a top 50 list? Not only that, but so many publications seem to decide they suddenly like something when it appears in a shit load of other lists first (see Peaking Lights), after having given it zero coverage during the year. They’re almost as cringeworthy as ‘Sound of 2012’ lists, that just appear to be a reach-around for forceful PR companies. It was awfully nice of NME to name Azealia Banks the ‘coolest’ musician in the industry at the moment, despite NEVER having mentioned her ever before. Hm.
9) Tyler The Creator
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Leader of the most offensive rap outfit since Wu Tang, Tyler lacks one aspect that RZA has in abundance. Talent. Having always promoted himself as entirely independent, Tyler signed to XL to release his hugely disappointing second album GOBLIN. Since then he’s tried to stir up controversy in every manner possible, be it assaulting photographers (so 2010), shooting ‘controversial’ videos (so 2005) and hating on B.O.B. (fair enough). Also, having been extremely excited to see OFWGKTA at T in the Park, the collective decided their time would be better spent pelting the crowd with water bottles, before storming off stage after only playing for 15minutes. Disappointing.
8 ) Morrissey
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13201-the-tool-list-2011-15-6/attachment/morrissey02/" rel="attachment wp-att-13210"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13210" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Morrissey" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/morrissey02.jpg" alt="" width="435" height="284" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/morrissey02.jpg 435w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/morrissey02-300x195.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 435px) 100vw, 435px" /></a>
SELLOUT. YOU MEAT-EATING, JOHN LEWIS-LOVING, RACIST PIG. But seriously, everyone’s pretty bored of this aging quiffed faux-rocker now. His live shows seem predominantly filled with his rather half-hearted solo material, and his controversial opinions… well…to tell the truth… aren’t that controversial anymore. Come on Moz, just reform The Smiths.
7) Ed Sheeran
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13201-the-tool-list-2011-15-6/attachment/ed-sheeran-in-a-cafe-007/" rel="attachment wp-att-13211"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13211" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Ed-Sheeran-in-a-cafe-007" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/Ed-Sheeran-in-a-cafe-007.jpg" alt="" width="460" height="276" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/Ed-Sheeran-in-a-cafe-007.jpg 460w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/Ed-Sheeran-in-a-cafe-007-300x180.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 460px) 100vw, 460px" /></a>
Being a ginger male has never been cool. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying, probably to make themselves feel better about the time they got really wasted and made-out with a ginger flatmate. Ed Sheeran wrote a song about the guy from the Snickers advert and then another one about enticing young boys into his lair made of Duplo. His album title is also a reference to his HIV test results. Those are the facts.
6) The Vaccines
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A year ago I didn’t predict that I’d hold The Vaccines in such low regard. Their debut tracks were nothing out of the ordinary, aside from being numbingly unoffensive and about as exciting as a new pair of boxer shorts; they weren’t criminally bad. So at least they made up for that on their glaringly grating first record What Did You Expect From The Vaccines? an uninspiring collection of Ramones and Strokes covers, with a pinch of ‘hey-Zane-Lowe-play-our-music’ spice added in for good effect. As if that wasn’t bad enough, their non-stop touring made it nigh on impossible to leave your bedroom for fear of them performing in your local vicinity for the thirty ninth time this year.
#5 – 1 On Monday.

The Tool List 2011 (15-6)

Everyone knows who has been ‘cool’ this year. From Ellery Roberts to Nicola Roberts, NME managed to define their sensationalist and schizophrenic journalism with one poorly conceived list, supposedly charting which musicians have increased their bro statuses this year. So, with that in mind, CitR decided to look at things from the opposite angle of ‘what has majorly sucked in 2011?’. Well, with tongues very firmly in our cheeks, here’s our short rundown, naming and shaming the largest Tools of 2011.
25) Loutallica
<a href="https://api.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/26lou-reed-metallica-960-jpg-crop_display/" rel="attachment wp-att-13161"><img class="size-full wp-image-13161" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Loutallica" src="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2011/12/26LOU-REED-METALLICA-960.jpg.crop_display.jpg" alt="" width="572" height="422" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/26LOU-REED-METALLICA-960.jpg.crop_display.jpg 572w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/26LOU-REED-METALLICA-960.jpg.crop_display-300x221.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 572px) 100vw, 572px" /></a>
In a year of bad collaborations (Rihanna & Calvin Harris, David Guetta & anyone with a pulse), Lou Reed and Metallica out did them all. Their joint album Lulu bombed sales wise, and was slated across the board, purely for the fact that it’s shit. At what point the two artists thought it would be a wise decision to smear their musical legacies with this steaming turd, I have no idea.
24) Lana Del Rey
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/lana-del-rey-flowers_jpg_630x420_q85_jpg_630x420_q85/" rel="attachment wp-att-13174"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13174" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Lana Del Rey" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/lana-del-rey-flowers_jpg_630x420_q85_jpg_630x420_q85.jpg" alt="" width="630" height="420" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/lana-del-rey-flowers_jpg_630x420_q85_jpg_630x420_q85.jpg 630w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/lana-del-rey-flowers_jpg_630x420_q85_jpg_630x420_q85-300x200.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 630px) 100vw, 630px" /></a>
Never has a musician gone from being so widely adored to so fervently detested in such a short period of time. Having set the blogosphere alight with the charming Video Games, it only took a few articles questioning her artistic integrity and infamous botox filled lips for Elizabeth Grant to become public enemy number one. After a host of appearances on high profile TV shows, it became apparent that Grant was far from the homemade popstar that she was being portrayed as. With a controversial <a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/13128-video-lana-del-rey-born-to-die/" target="_blank">new video</a>, and her debut album Born To Die set for a February release, it remains to be seen whether Lana Del Rey is a truly talented singer/songwriter, or merely another clever marketing ploy.
23) Radiohead
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/radiohead/" rel="attachment wp-att-13177"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13177" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Radiohead" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/radiohead.jpg" alt="" width="600" height="391" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/radiohead.jpg 600w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/radiohead-300x195.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /></a>
a) The King of Limbs was pretty disappointing; anyone who tells you otherwise probably also tells you that OK Computer is the best Radiohead album.
b) Their ‘surprise’ Glastonbury performance relied heavily upon TKOL, therefore the only person who enjoyed it was Thom Yorke.
c) For a band who love music, they play very few live shows. Especially in the UK; where, incase they had forgotten, THEY ARE FROM.
22) Joey Barton
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/tumblr_lmw4utwf301qhj03po1_500/" rel="attachment wp-att-13180"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13180" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Joey Barton" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/tumblr_lmw4utWF301qhj03po1_500.png" alt="" width="500" height="375" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/tumblr_lmw4utWF301qhj03po1_500.png 500w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/tumblr_lmw4utWF301qhj03po1_500-300x225.png 300w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" /></a>
Proving his intellect by spelling 50% of words wrong and misquoting legendary authors and poets. You get the feeling that Barton is probably the sort of guy who likes The Vaccines, and when asked about his music tastes says ‘Oh you probably haven’t heard of them.” In short, he’s either mentally retarded or the interwebz finest troll. Have I gone over 140 characters yet?
21) The Triangle (∆)
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/alt-j-_-playlist-_-stock-71/" rel="attachment wp-att-13181"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13181" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="∆" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/alt-j-_-playlist-_-stock-71.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="537" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/alt-j-_-playlist-_-stock-71.jpg 500w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/alt-j-_-playlist-_-stock-71-279x300.jpg 279w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" /></a>
“So I came up with a cool band name”
“Yeah, hit me.”
“Ventolin”
“Hmm, it’s not bad, it could do with a few ∆’s in there, how about ∆ento∆l∆n?’
“Oh yeah dude, that’s so much better! Thanks!”
NO. Just NO.
20) Tulisa’s Birthmark & Tattoo
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/0_285_427_http_offlinehbpl-hbpl-co-uk_news_owm_c6fddd32-c08c-3f6f-71b9253fccb37cad/" rel="attachment wp-att-13182"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13182" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Tulisa" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/0_285_427_http_offlinehbpl.hbpl_.co_.uk_news_OWM_C6FDDD32-C08C-3F6F-71B9253FCCB37CAD.jpg" alt="" width="427" height="285" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/0_285_427_http_offlinehbpl.hbpl_.co_.uk_news_OWM_C6FDDD32-C08C-3F6F-71B9253FCCB37CAD.jpg 427w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/0_285_427_http_offlinehbpl.hbpl_.co_.uk_news_OWM_C6FDDD32-C08C-3F6F-71B9253FCCB37CAD-300x200.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 427px) 100vw, 427px" /></a>
ARGGGHH. I’m all for natural beauty and whatever, but I’m sure everyone who has watched X-Factor will agree that Tulia’s birthmark gets rather frustrating. Also, her one arm gesture and blatant advertising for her perfume line is pretty pathetic. The sooner she leaves X-Factor, the better.
19) Charlie Sheen
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/chrysalis-5th-annual-butterfly-ball/" rel="attachment wp-att-13183"><img class="alignnone size-archives wp-image-13183" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Charlie Sheen" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/charlie-sheen-350x262.jpg" alt="" width="350" height="262" /></a>
Nothing Charlie Sheen has ever done is funny. Therefore it figures that him ‘going off the rails’, inventing annoying slogans and selling t-shirts with the phrase ‘WINNING’ plastered on it to idiotic students, is also not funny. Although you’ve got to hand it to him it’s a genius marketing concept.
18) The Stone Roses
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/article-0-0e6d876600000578-322_468x391/" rel="attachment wp-att-13184"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13184" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="The Stone Roses" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/article-0-0E6D876600000578-322_468x391.jpg" alt="" width="468" height="391" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/article-0-0E6D876600000578-322_468x391.jpg 468w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/article-0-0E6D876600000578-322_468x391-300x250.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 468px) 100vw, 468px" /></a>
£8million. That’s how much The Stone Roses will make from their three comeback shows in Manchester next year. The band who would ‘never re-unite’ finally realised that none of them were ever that talented, and the only way they could make a living from music would be by pedaling their dull as dishwater tracks to a bunch of overly reminiscing 90’s lad-rock fans. I genuinely think I have more respect for Viva Brother, speaking of which…
17) Viva Brother
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/brother/" rel="attachment wp-att-13185"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13185" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Viva Brother" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/BrotherVF290611.jpg" alt="" width="552" height="368" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/BrotherVF290611.jpg 552w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/BrotherVF290611-300x200.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 552px) 100vw, 552px" /></a>
After a chance meeting at a festival earlier in the year, I actually ended up feeling rather sorry for Oasis V2.0. The scripted swagger with which they lurched clumsily into the room and their dull, uninspired fashion sense, made it seem like some bigshot marketing guru was playing a hilarious joke, at the expense of the band. When their debut album finally arrived after many months of absolutely no hype or expectations whatsoever, it did exactly as predicted. Flopped. Cock-rock’s most embarrassing figureheads have had a disastrous 2011. From making tits of themselves at every festival they’ve played, to having to change their name after a lawsuit by a little known Australian Celtic act, nothing has gone their way. To top it all off, their debut album Famous First Words, proved to be not so famous, and most likely, their last words. Given their previous incarnations, expect to see Viva Brother disbanding and forming a chillwave group in 2012.
16) Witchouse
<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/12906-tools-of-2011-25-16/attachment/tumblr_l7cv6ey1jd1qbecjso1_500/" rel="attachment wp-att-13186"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-13186" style="margin-left: 50px; margin-right: 50px;" title="Witchhouse" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/tumblr_l7cv6ey1JD1qbecjso1_500.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="431" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/tumblr_l7cv6ey1JD1qbecjso1_500.jpg 500w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/12/tumblr_l7cv6ey1JD1qbecjso1_500-300x258.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px" /></a>
Witchouse (Witch Haus) proved rather innovative in 2010, but hasn’t seen anywhere the same level of success this year. As many of the acts who initially broke the genre have released their debut albums, few have been able to grasp any real level of authenticity or quality within their music. Instead, 2011 will be remembered for being the year that many lo-fi projects left the lonely confines of their bedrooms and took to the stages and touring circuits.
15 – 6 Coming on Monday!

The Tool List 2011 (25-16)

Style: Neoprene

Earlier this evening Apple confirmed that co-founder Steve Jobs has passed away. Having battled pancreatic cancer since 2004, and only leaving his position as CEO shortly over a month ago, his health had noticeably deteriorated over the past couple of years. He leaves behind him a vast legacy of innovative concepts and products that have drastically changed and improved the way we live.
In an official statement released via the Apple<a href="https://www.apple.com/stevejobs/" target="_blank"> website</a>, the company said:
‘Apple has lost a visionary and creative genius, and the world has lost an amazing human being. Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know and work with Steve have lost a dear friend and an inspiring mentor. Steve leaves behind a company that only he could have built, and his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple.’
Jobs is survived by wife Laurene Powell Jobs and his four children.
<h3>Steve Jobs (February 24, 1955 – October 5, 2011)</h3>

News: Steve Jobs Loses Battle With Cancer

The story of a wealthy family who lost everything is returning to television and making a silver screen debut.
Arrested Development’s creator Mitchell Hurwitz announced the news at a cast reunion this week as part of the New Yorker festival. He confirmed in his statement that, not only would the Bluth family be appearing in a feature length movie but, a ten episode mini series would follow the individual characters before they re-united in the film’s first scene.
Arrested Development tells the story of a wealthy yet dysfunctional family struggling to get on in life. Originally broadcast on US network FOX between 2003-06, the show attracted critical acclaim and a cult following. The incredibly intertwined plot and witty running jokes won the show six Emmys and a Golden Globe but due to low ratings the show was still cancelled.
Original cast members Will Arnett and Jason Bateman were among the first to issue a statement confirming their appearances in the film and season four.
Will Arnett <a href="https://twitter.com/#%21/arnettwill/status/120620083923001344">tweeted</a>, “I’m peeing with <a title="Jason Bateman arrested development" href="https://twitter.com/#!/batemanjason">@batemanjason</a> at the moment..and we can confirm that we are going to make new AD eps and a movie.”
“It’s true” Jason Bateman wrote on his <a href="https://twitter.com/#%21/batemanjason/status/120629729819766785" target="_blank">Twitter</a>: “We will do 10 episodes and the movie. Probably shoot them all together next summer for a release in early ’13. VERY excited!”
Asked about the film on his <a title="Cera arrested development statement" href="https://twitter.com/#!/M_Cera/status/120917113346064384">twitter</a>, Michael Cera replied “Im not allowed to give information like that out – if i could i would, but my people say cant”
Fans of the show will have been hearing rumours about a movie for years and so it’s no suprise people are still skeptical that either a new film or series of Arrested Development will ever see the light of day.
As Eric Goldman for <a title="Arrested development season 4 new" href="https://m.uk.ign.com/articles/1197849">IGN</a> so clearly puts it: “Again, I remain cautious until we hear a deal is signed and sealed, as we’ve been down this road many times.”

News: Creator of Arrested Development confirms movie & new season

Approximately 10 minutes ago on the Radiohead website and twitter feed, <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/radiohead/status/106295284451115008">this</a> message appeared;
‘Doing something <a title="https://rhd.cc/i3r9" href="https://t.co/WrOuvgu" rel="nofollow" target="_blank" data-display-url="rhd.cc/i3r9" data-expanded-url="https://rhd.cc/i3r9">https://rhd.cc/i3r9</a> <a title="#das" href="https://twitter.com/#%21/search?q=%23das" rel="nofollow">#das’</a> — 10:23 – 24th August.
On the official Radiohead site, an image of protest outside the White House. ‘Free arrest at no extra cost’ reads a message signed by Thom Yorke.
It seems to imply the Radiohead boys will be joining the ever growing throng of celebrities and members of the public outside the White House as part of the as part of an ongoing sit-in, pressuring President Obama to deny a permit for a massive new oil pipeline. The proposed pipeline, Keystone XL, is 1700-mile long stretching from the Alberta Tar Sands to oil refineries in the Gulf of Mexico.
‘This is not a single “day of action”, but instead a wave of daily civil disobedience from August 20th – September 3rd.’ the tar sands protest site reads.
Thom has already voiced his concerns about the Keystone XL pipeline on his site in the past. Just 2 weeks he wrote “President Obama is soon to make a decision on whether to press one of THE big red climate self destruct buttons,” in a post called <a href="https://www.radiohead.com/deadairspace/110811/Real-vs-Astroturf">“Real vs. Astroturf?</a>
A consistent supporter of environmentalism, Thom Yorke supported the climate change documentary, The Age of Stupid by donating Radiohead’s song Reckoner for the end credits. During the Global Premiere, Thom performed the song via a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYgATJWk0kc&feature=fvw">live satellite linkup</a>. Afterwards Yorke lashed out at economic growth, saying, “I think Ed Miliband probably knows this but won’t admit it, as most politicians won’t: that the concept of limitless economic growth is now dead.”
<a href="https://www.tarsandsaction.org/">Click here to check out the tar sands oil pipeline protest & sign the petition </a>

News: Radiohead to Protest in front of the White House?

(Featured photo by <a href="https://www.nathanchandler.co.uk/">Nathan Chandler</a>)
The last time I met Max Wallis was late last year in a Bavarian beer house on Old Street. The place was charmingly full of kitsch woodwork and Eastern European waitressess. The beer overpriced but the conversation rich. Max was a friend from college who had dropped out of a degree in Biology and ended up on an English masters through the quality of his poetry and prose alone.
Since then even more has changed. This week I found Max <a href="https://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/aug/15/naked-poets-calendar-male-muses">naked on the Opium bed in Coleridge’s study</a> and last month, his first poetry pamphlet <a href="https://www.flippedeye.net/store/product_info.php?products_id=80">‘Modern Love’</a> was released with Flipped Eye Publishing.
SG: Writer, model & internationally published poet, It has been a strange few years for Max Wallis. I thought we would catch up so you can tell Crack In The Road why, how & who?
MW: [In Biology] I kept on getting firsts but no satisfaction. My workload was getting crazy and I wasn’t sleeping because I was writing all day and then doing university work all night. I snapped and had a bit of a breakdown. Applied for the masters never thinking I’d actually get on … but did. 
 
SG: In Modern Love and many of your earlier poems there’s a real blend of Baroque technique and 21st Century lyricism. What inspires you?
MW: Everything. My first pamphlet’s all about love so naturally relationships and everything inbetween have impacted that. It’s a bit like novel writing though, some of the best advice I got when I was younger was that it’s okay to lie in poetry – people have this prevarication that it’s about catharsis but really it’s just as much about narrative as fiction.
I like the beauty in small things and how it’s possible to write about modern life in poetry. What’s the meaning of a text message? an email? facebook? is there room for poetics in them? I think there is.
SG: Poetic reccomendations?
MW: I read more than I ever used to. The bloodaxe anthologies are practically encyclopedias to me and I read <a title="The Rialto, Arts Council funded poetry mag" href="https://www.therialto.co.uk/pages/">The Rialto</a>, <a href="https://magmapoetry.com/">Magma</a> & <a title="Popshot, poetry & illustration magazine" href="https://www.popshotpopshot.com/">Popshot Magazine</a> a lot. I tend to buy pamphlets rather than collections though.
SG: You tell me your first open mic didn’t go down so well?
MW HA! 2008. Awful. Utterly awful. I was a nervous wreck and had to loop my legs around the chair to hide my shakes. Then I wrote a poem about dicks and the social networking side of the gay world and, because it was so outlandish, in a way it was easy to perform. It wasn’t me speaking. It was a performer.
SG: And performing on stage now?
MW: Ah I love it. If you can make someone cry, cheer, laugh or anything in a room full of people then you know you’re doing something good. I choose the set list in advance so that there’s a flow to the material with sad ones interspersed around happier, funny poems. But on the day I can swap and change. I know them off by heart so it’s pretty easy to do. I still get nervous though, just don’t shake!
SG: Ever had a particularly bad reception?
Once I did particularly gay material in a pub in Manchester, full of chavs and their girlfriends. I opened with a poem all about threesomes and genitalia. The lads all kinda bared their teeth but the girls laughed so it went okay. One time I did the threesome poem in front of another group and one part goes ‘and where’s the passion when all you have is this ration, this tiny slice of double-human pie, two guys plus you aside not inside’ and someone yelled ‘I BET THEY WERE.’ I just looked at him, and performed the next stanza never looking away ‘skin upon skin upon skin upon bone and yet you’re alone and watching them groan, attempting those manoeuvres a tactical chooser trying to negotiate limbs’ and he was chucked out.
SG: Theres been a lot of buzz about Modern Love but tell me in your own words, what is it all about?
MW: It’s a tale of love, naturally, over the course of one year between two characters. You take their journey: of yearning to sex to betrayal and everything that follows. But each poem is self contained and understood out of context but together they make something entirely different. I loved writing it. I had the idea for the pamphlet for around a year or so and I guess I just finally got to the position where I could writing it.
SG: With arts funding cuts & possibly more competition than ever before, how do you find the motivation to keep going, instead of throwing in the towel and getting a McJob?
MW: To be honest I’m supported a lot by friends and family. I don’t think I’d be able to do it without them. Modelling brings in cash but it’s early days. Eventually I want to earn enough from those aspects of my life so that I have the time to write and, not worry about  earning enough money from my poetry & novels.
Modern Love is available now, direct from the <a title="Max Wallis - Modern Love" href="https://www.flippedeye.net/store/product_info.php?products_id=80">Flipped Eye Bookstore</a> or from <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/Modern-Love-Flap-Pamphlet-Wallis/dp/190523337X">Amazon</a>.
For more of Max’s escapades you can <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/boommaxboom">follow him on twitter</a> or find him on <a href="https://maxwallismaxwallis.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>

Artist Interview: Max Wallis

UPDATE — 00:39 – 11/02/11 – Operation Cup Of Tea has turned into something much bigger, from a Facebook event to a full-blown tea drinking movement promising to make charitable donations – <a title="Anti-Riot group charity " href="https://www.operationcupoftea.com">Operation Cup Of Tea</a>.
The sites creator, Sam Pepper claims all profits from the site will go to charity, helping people in need in the aftermath of UK rioting. We’re still unsure on the details about the specific charity organisation.
As dawn breaks after a fourth day of rioting, there’s still evidence of anger fuelled violence across the UK. <a title="UK Riots 09-10 August" href="https://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/blog/2011/aug/10/manchester-riots-uk-disorder-day-four-live">The Guardian</a> reports looting and destruction in Manchester and panic on the streets of Birmingham. Shops and businesses around London have also closed early, despite little sign of trouble reports <a title="london riots BBC live blog" href="https://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/blog/2011/aug/09/london-riots-day-four-live-blog">the BBC</a>.
Online, some people have a much cosier & covert plan of protest, although rumours are, it will involve kettling (I’m so sorry!) A <a title="anti riot protest" href="https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=261568193854371" target="_blank">Facebook</a> event with over 170,000 attendees has been set up in opposition to the riots sweeping the UK. The event calls for people around the country to ‘anti-riot’ by enjoying ‘a nice cup of tea at home.’
The quintessentially British cup of tea also made an appearance on Saturday when Philippa Morgan-Walker, 25 and her husband, Jonny Walker, 31, <a title="tea on riot shield" href="https://kyrill-poole.com/blog/photography/tea-in-a-riot-shield/">poured cups of tea on a riot shield </a>for the police who were protecting their street in Camden, London.
The event, organised by <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/sampepper" target="_blank">Sam Pepper</a>, dubbed ‘Operation Cup Of Tea’ is sweeping social media with the hash tag <a title="tea anti riot protests" href="https://twitter.com/#!/search?q=%23OperationCupOfTea">#OperationCupOfTea</a> trending on twitter and over 800,000 invites sent out via facebook. The innovative event is set to continue until riots subside. Whilst the protest might not deter looters or put out fires, this anti riot protest shows solidarity of the British people, highlighting the fact it is a small minority out there causing trouble.
<a title="operation cup of tea facebook" href="https://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=261568193854371">The Operation Cup of Tea facebook page</a>

Operation Cup Of Tea: The UK’s anti riot protests

A three-storey warehouse in Enfield was set alight last night, in the riots that have spread over London since Friday evening. The building was owned by Sony DADC, and contained stock belonging to the PIAS Group, who sub-contract their distribution to Sony DADC. The group is the UK’s largest independent distribution company, working with labels like Rough Trade, Beggar’s Banquet, Domino, and <a title="PIAS" href="https://company.pias.com/en/distribution/physical/labels" target="_blank">many more</a>.
The amount of stock affected is not yet fully known, although thankfully there have been no reports of any injuries or fatalities as yet. Sean Adams at drownedinsound has noted that <a title="drownedinsound" href="https://drownedinsound.com/news/4143302-indie-label-distributor-pias-release-short-statement-regarding-fire-at-sonydadc-warehouse" target="_blank">“stock from the DiS label was destroyed”</a>, while Rob Da Bank tweeted “So looks like all our Sunday Best stock went up last night in the PIAS blaze”. PIAS has released this statement via <a title="Pias statement" href="https://www.tweetdeck.com/twitter/piasuk/~2pFkA" target="_blank">TweetDeck</a>:
“There was a fire last night at the SonyDADC warehouse which services the physical distribution for PIAS in the UK and Ireland. PIAS is working closely with SonyDADC who are implementing their emergency plans. PIAS’s UK offices in London and all other areas of our business are unaffected. More information will be communicated shortly to all our labels and partners.”
As a British citizen, I’m ashamed and scared, as stories like <a title="blackberry hack" href="https://thenextweb.com/2011/08/09/rims-blackberry-blog-hacked-after-it-cooperates-with-police-over-london-riots/" target="_blank">this one</a> begin appearing. On a personal note, I’m reeling from the thought that apparently wanton destruction is occurring not an hour from my doorstep, and outside the homes of my friends. And as a music lover, it’s immensely saddening to know that the aftermath of the fire will have a profound effect on the labels involved, and the bands on those labels, and the people in those bands. Obviously, record sales for the labels involved with PIAS will help bolster their recovery – buying that album you downloaded or thought about downloading has never been more important. To a similar end, The 405 writer <a title="fion chadd" href="https://twitter.com/#!/fionchadd" target="_blank">Fion Chadd</a> has set up a fundraising and benefit initiative, which can be found <a title="pias benefit" href="https://cognitivedissonancerecords.com/labellove/" target="_blank">here</a>.
With PIAS’ website down due to an understandably huge volume of traffic, here’s a full list of the record labels the group is involved with:
[PIAS] Recordings, [PIAS] Recordings Belgium, 4AD, A Camp, Absynthe Minded, Accidental, AEI Music, Air Recordings, ALC Music, Alsation, Ambush Reality, Ancient & Modern, Angular Recording Corporation, Arcady Records, Ark Recordings, Asthmatic Kitty Records, Atlantic Jaxx Recordings, Bad Magic, Balling The Jack, Banquet Records, Battered Ornaments Records, Beggars Banquet, Best Before, Big Brother, Big Dada, Bird Records, Blackmaps, Bloody Chamber, Blowout Music, Blue Chopsticks, Border Community, Borstal Beats, Boysnoize Records, BPM, Brainfeeder, Brassland, Bright Star Recordings, Brille, Broken Sound Music, Bronzerat, Brothers and Sisters, Brownswood Recordings, Buzzin’ Fly, Cache Cache, Cadenza Records, Celluloid Records, Chalkmark / IE, Chemikal Underground Records, Cocoon, Control Tower, Counter Records, Dance To The Radio, Dead Oceans, Deceptive, Defenders, Ent UK, DESOLAT, Dessous, Different, Dirtee Stank, Divine Comedy Records, Domino Records, Double Six Records, Drag City, Dreambrother, Drive Thru Records, Drowned In Sound, Dummy Records, Duophonic, Eat Sleep Records, Fabric Worldwide, Fake Diamonds, FantasyTrashcan, Fatcat Records, Fence, Feraltone, Finders Keepers Records, Flock Music, Flying Circus, Freerange Records, Friends Vs Records, Full Pupp, Full Time Hobby, Gang Of Four Recordings, Geographic, Ghost Ship, Glaze Recordings, Groenland Records, G-Unit, Hardly Art, Hassle Records, Helpless, Hem Hem Records, HFN Music, Immune, Independiente, Infant, Infectious, Jagjaguwar, Kartel, Kitchenware, Kitsune, KMS Records / Fabric, Laughing Stock, Lex Records, Lipservice, Little Sister Recordings, LO-MAX Records, Loose Music, Lovepump United, Low Life Records, Lucky Number Music, Lucky Seven Records, Mantra, Matador, Memphis Industries, Merok, Metric Music International, Metroline Limited, Model Citizen, Moikai, Motion Audio, MyMajorLabel Ltd, Nation, Ninja Tune, No Quarter, NovaMute, Nusic Sounds, One Four Seven Records Ltd, One Little Indian, Organs, Outcaste, OVNI, P.I.L., Peartree, Records, PeMa, People In The Sky, People Tree, Pirates Blend Records Inc, Planet Function, Play It Again Sam, Playlouder, Poker Flat, Polyvinyl, Records, Poseidon Records, Post Present, Pschent, Raw Canvas, Red Cord Records, REK’D, Rekids, Rekords Rekords, Renaissance, Reveal Records, Riverman Records, Rock Action Records, Roots Records, Rough Trade Records, Rubyworks, Sea Note, Search and Destroy, Secretly Canadian, Setanta, Shape, SideOneDummy Records, Silva Screen, Slam Dunk Records, Smekkleysa, Soma, Sonic Cathedral, Soul Jazz Records, South Paw, Southern Fried Records, Stereo Bang Media, Stolen Recordings, Stranger Records, Streamline, Sub Pop, Suicide Squeeze, Sunday Best, Thrill Jockey, Tirk, Too Pure, Torque Records, Touch & Go Records, Transmission Recordings, Tri Tone, Trouble Records, True Panther, Try Harder, Turnstile, Twisted Nerve Recordings, Universal Sound, Victory Records, Wagram, Wall of Sound, Warp, Watergate, We Love You, Wiiija, Willkommen Records Ltd, Wonderfulsound, XL, Xtra Mile Recordings, Yaala Yaala, Young Turks

Things We Lost in the Fire: Sony DADC Warehouse burns

When I think Comme Des Garcon I don’t see a generic man, I see Rei Kawakubo with her sticky out bob and her body dimorphic clothing. I see tartan and opposing patterns. But 3 days ago a new collaboration project was launched, featuring The Generic Man shoe company and their effortless modern takes on classic ideas.
Using their simple design philosophy “our footwear exudes poise and individualism and enhances, rather than dictates, the wearer’s innate sense of style”, they have created a new range and a short film. An interesting ideology, which does seem to fit that of Reis who chooses to change people body’s shapes and create odd looking things far from the classic eye. The pair has released a short video campaign that is based on the famous nouvelle vague (French new wave) 60s film “two or three things I know about her” concentrating on the cafe scene. The whole thing makes for a bit confusing but pleasant experience; you don’t even need to know they’re trying to selling shoes.
<iframe width="640" height="390" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/OkOpoRaz8TI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Style: The Generic Man X Comme des Garçons SHIRT – Fall 2011

Neurowear is just one of those items, that’s so baffling, so obscure and so seemingly pointless; you simply have to know more. A Japanese company has developed the product; electromechanical cat ears that are worn almost like a hair band on the human head. The ears can then be moved and manipulated with only the human mind.
As well as being striking, (I mean this in the most un-pretentious way possible), they also, rather surprisingly, display a variety of emotions. They stand erect when a user is concentrating, wriggle when amused or excited and lay flat when bored or passive. Well, perhaps not a variety, but there’s more than one, I’ll give them that.
There also seems to be a slightly more serious benefit to the headwear. Neurowear have already stated that the ears would be perfect as a means of expression for a user with communication difficulties. A valiant sentiment, but it’s hard to imagine this was the first thing on the scientists’ minds after taking a look at their press shots.  Still, not complaining.
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Style: Neurowear

This will be somewhat of an indulgent post, however I felt like CITR would be an ideal forum to provide brief recounts of an adventure a few friends and I are currently on. Beginning in Norway we are driving a Reliant Robin (not too dissimilar from the one posted above) down through the Baltic states to eventually reach Ukraine and their premier dance festival, Kazantip. Entitled the Black Sea Run, the journey involves several other teams who have cars ranging from a Pink Trabant (google it) to a leopard print limousine. Below are a few highlights of a trip so far, however the side effects of a plethora of overpriced drinks last night may make it sound like a bit of a ramble.
Beginning in Norway, we traveled away from the airport a few hundred KM south of Oslo in the direction of Stockholm. As I’m sure many of you reading this will know, Norway is a fantastically beautiful place. With stretches of tarmac blazoning into the horizon we drove an epic 600KM in our bid to distance ourselves from the extortionate prices that Norway presented us with – 10 quid for a regular McDonalds and 6 quid for a Beer may give you a bit of an indication. However not being ones for materialism, we stopped off just south of Norway at a Fjord and swam in the refreshing waters of a small harbour. This was not before we spent an hour trying to find our reference point of Drammen, a small town, only to realise we had been circumnavigating said town in a bid to find it.
Pushing on, we traveled around Norway to head across country and to reach the border with Sweden. Our first sight of Sweden was a ‘Tocks Free’ shopping centre, and after several hours of driving it could not have been more welcome. In a spark of genius we decided to buy the ingredients for a BBQ and 1KG of Sweden’s finest confectionery. Our reasoning was that we were surrounded by phenomenal countryside – there had to be a place to set up camp and go all rural. The rest of this journey felt like a blur after passing one campsite that (surprisingly) charged ridiculous rates. By about midnight we called it a day and ended up in thew most pleasant motel I will probably ever visit. Over breakfast the next morning we renewed our efforts to make the final 150KM to Stockholm and have our BBQ. After pulling over to a piece of land next to a river we discovered the grave error in our logic as our burgers had turned to mush, and the 1KG brick of cheese Hector insisted on buying was on it’s way to becoming a liquid.
Realising we only had an hour and a half to get to the ferry we once again plowed on and made it with just enough time to spare. Upon boarding the ‘Baltic Queen’ we met up with the other teams, which included a couple of Americans and some Swedes, and spent the rest of the evening drinking solidly (if you’re reading this Peter, I know you’d be proud). An eventful night was had on the Baltic Queen, however I’m honour bound by ‘Tour Rules’ not to go into any more detail. Essentially you’re going to have to wait until the photos inevitably make it on to Facebook.
Today we’re planning on driving down to Riga, so I must leave my ramblings here. If you’ve gotten this far – well done!

Day 1&2 – Get out of Norway

London based street wear label, <a href="https://fortyounce.co.uk/index.html">Forty Ounce Clothing</a>, have just released a subtly homoerotic promotional video for their stunning new summer range. Apart from featuring some bros doing some mildly homoerotic shit, (smiling, looking happy, gently frolicking), it also features the new Tees on offer. Check out the video below, and bare in mind that the clothing is probably never going to look as good on you.
The video also features a track from CITR bro UNOUOMEDUDE, a cover of the Coma Cinema track, ‘Her Sinking Sun’.
Buy some threads <a href="https://fortyounce.bigcartel.com/">HERE</a>
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<a href="https://vimeo.com/26942191">Forty Ounce Clothing</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/user4875143">FORTYOUNCE CLOTHING</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.

Style: Forty Ounce Clothing Summer Range

Style: Fall Minimal

<a rel="attachment wp-att-8487" href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/8486-style-the-playbutton/attachment/playbutton"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-8487" title="playbutton" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2011/06/playbutton.jpg" alt="" width="900" height="494" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/06/playbutton.jpg 900w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/06/playbutton-260x142.jpg 260w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/06/playbutton-640x351.jpg 640w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2011/06/playbutton-165x90.jpg 165w" sizes="(max-width: 900px) 100vw, 900px" /></a>For those of you who are regular readers of the site, you’ll no doubt be aware that the state of the music industry as a whole, as well as the nature of the music we listen to and enjoy, are two things that occupy our minds a lot of the time. Take Josh Dalton’s <a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/6465-feature-why-i-dont-care-about-rick-martin">article</a> around record store day, which argued that we must never lose sight of the importance of owning and promoting a physical copy of a piece of music.
Regardless of Dalton’s article, which happened to be a response to a particularly ignorant article on the NME blog, for a lot of people it’s just a little too late. There’s no doubt that CDs are soulless and MP3s unsatisfying, but in an age where functionality and ‘quick fixes’ are the name of the game, for a lot of people a digital collection is the most efficient way of listening to the music that they want.  Makes sense, until you realise that almost no one listens to an album the whole way through anymore; we’re musical whores, picking and choosing from a vast library of content at our fickle leisure.  I’m ashamed to say I’m one of those whores. I have a huge Itunes library and I’m ashamed to say I can’t remember the last time I bought a physical copy of anything. I was given a free copy of a Let’s Buy Happiness EP a few months ago, but apart from that I’m as soulless as the rest of them.
A few weeks ago however I received a package from New York, inside was a rather quaint little device called a PlayButton.  It was essentially a record that played itself. Now of course these are nothing new, back in the 70’s some records came with a primitive gramophone attached. As cool as it sounds, they were a bit shit. The record that was sent to me was a copy of The XX’s debut LP, all contained on a little button that could be attached to a garment. I have to say the device did exactly what it set out to do, for the first time in a little while I was in awe of the object itself as well as the music coming from it. I listened to the record in full that morning on my way to the office; it was a rather nostalgic experience, like listening to a relic of some kind. What is so clever about them is not only the very concept, but also the fact they come with a little USB lead, the music can be ripped and put on a player of any kind. If priced correctly, there’s no reason to not to believe that these things couldn’t be a regular purchase at gigs and festivals.
Only time will tell, but for now I’m going to go back and listen to The XX’s first album for something like the 50th time in a week.
<a href="https://shop.playbutton.co/"> Buy a PlayButton.</a>

Style: The PlayButton

Style: Gemma Land – Bourgeois Utopias

“Back in the days “ is a new shoot that stylist Alec Mather and photographer Ruth Ginika Ossai put together for the website Sweet and Sound. A style website which shows a lot of undertone very un-glamorized work. But instead concentrates something a lot more like street style. The shoot reflects a playground street style, which would look at home in late 80s Brixton life. Both stylist and photographer study at UCA, so I hope to see more from them in the future.

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Style: Alec Mather – Back In The Days

Style: Navajo Print

Vans are always going to be cool, so cool in fact, that it would be pretty easy to churn out this classic design for the rest of time. Thankfully, the popular skate brand isn’t getting complacent. Their latest range of premium skate shoes come with a rather classy textile lining and a soft finish. The design is classic, clean and quintessentially Vans. Available from <a href="https://www.hanon-shop.com/vans-vault/">Hanon</a> now.

Style: Vans Vault Era 46 LX Nubuck

The collaboration between The North Face and Supreme is getting another run over at <a href="https://hideoutstore.com/">The Hideout</a> from the 14th of May. The collection features 3 choices of jacket, a range of hats and a set of sleeping bags. The two iconic brands sit side by side on the jacket’s shoulders, with the garment itself being a pullover in style. The caps aren’t to my taste, but the jackets and sleeping bags definitely find a way of blending the 2 ideologies the 2 brands stand for. The jackets come in 3 colours and are perfect for festival season. Be sure to head down to the store on Saturday.

Style: Supreme/The North Face Collaboration SS’11

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Considering Chinese artist Ai Weiwei’s work is currently showing at the Tate Modern, and has been for sometime now, it’s bizarre to think that he’s currently being held by Chinese forces. Alternatively, he could have just “disappeared”, after all it is easy to misplace an artist, funny how they only go missing in China though.
It’s a depressing story, especially when you consider that western governments allow this shit to happen. Regardless, the worldwide art community’s reaction has been proactive and in some cases provocative.  Yesterday a friend of mine jumped the barrier at the Tate and ran openly over Weiwei’s installation, it was a provocative and inspiring statement. Three art students expressing their options openly, honestly and above all else peacefully; I take all my hats of to them. What was most inspiring was how many people eventually got involved. By the end the work was covered in people exploring the space, it was clear the aim was never to destroy, but more to express a single idea: It just takes one person.
Next time you’re at the Tate make sure you do the same.
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<a href="https://www.avaaz.org/en/artists_for_ai_weiwei/?rc=fb">Sign the petition.</a>

Free Ai Weiwei: It Just Takes One Person

<a href="https://before1444.com/store/">
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GOLD COAST TRADING</a> take the street wear formula and do something genuinely interesting with it. Picking up imagery and symbolism from the Mayans, Aztecs, and Incas, they combine within some pieces that can’t fail to stand out from the crowd. Their grommets are perhaps their most interesting item; each pair is lined with authentic African wax fabrics, each having a double leather sole and built-in insole. They’re quite pricey at $150, but ultimately worth it in terms of design. Check them out over at their <a href="https://before1444.com/store/">website.</a>

Style: “IVORY” INKA BOOT

<a rel="attachment wp-att-7110" href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/life/7109-style-roberto-piqueras-winter-2012/attachment/roberto-piqueras"><img class="alignnone size-900wide wp-image-7110" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2011/04/ROBERTO-PIQUERAS-900x562.png" alt="" width="900" height="562" /></a>Roberto Piqueras is a 26 year old designer from Spain, Barcelona, known mainly for his bright colours and typically slightly un-wearable clothes. This year his new collection is surprisingly wearable; the collection is based on the slightly random 1992 Barcelona Olympics. The range is composed of jumpers with what look like Barcelona postcards, saffron firework prints on tracky bottoms and the Olympic rings all feature in this mainly sportswear collection, mainly due to the collaboration with Reebok this season.  The look book is shot on Roman Road Shoreditch and was modelled by photographer and stylist David O’Brien as well as former Super-Super photographer Alis Pelleschi, who now does a lot of work for Vice magazine. The shoot was very relaxed, which makes it look like it’s just some pictures of friend.  As if the shoot and the collaboration with this season wasn’t enough, he also made a mega cool video. Featuring a lot of jumping and exercise it made me feel a bit tired when I watch it, but all the same it does make me want to buy the clothes.
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<a href="https://vimeo.com/21537783">ROBERTO PIQUERAS VIDEOSHOW WINTER 2012 (Full Version)</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/robertopiqueras">Roberto Piqueras</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.

Style: Roberto Piqueras Winter 2012

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The award winning design team ‘Artefact’s’ have created one of the most exciting cameras I have seen in a long time. My friend Sam was talking about a concept camera that had detachable lenses, which could keep shooting once detached.  I’ve been searching the Internet for a while and now I have found it. The camera combines that of wireless phone technology with a fully working SLR camera. Leaving the user the option to detach the lenses making it fit in small places and take more obscure pictures believe.  As well as this feature, it includes an editing program so that you can edit your photos on a massive screen on the back of the camera as you go, or in postproduction.  Another cool feature is the Internet link being able to send photos directly to face book and a couple other websites.
This would be perfect for fashion photographers on the go. check out the video bellow.
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<a href="https://vimeo.com/22134219">Concept Camera: The WVIL</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/artefactgroup">Artefact</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com">Vimeo</a>.

Style: Concept Camera – The WVIL

Sex Toys freak me out. Not least because the very idea of them eclipsing me in the bed room is a fairly scary thought, but also because the idea of a vibrating plastic thing doing what should in my opinion be a manual, sensual act is a bit of a turn off. Regardless of my opinions, female sex toys are a completely accepted phenomenon. The facts speak for themselves, according to a 2004 study, over 50% of the women asked said that they regularly used sex toys, with most women saying the toys were used during a relationship and that the device wasn’t used as a substitute for a partner. Furthermore, a whopping 90% of the women who said they used sex toys, also said they were open and honest about their ‘hobby’ to their partners and friends. Couple this with shops like Ann Summers, who have recently seen huge boosts in profits (19%), and it’s safe to say that the sex toy train has no chance of derailing anytime soon.
It all sounds rather healthy right? Sexually liberated women getting down and dirty with a vibrating piece of plastic might not be my ideal image, but I can see perfectly well why it could get some people off. More importantly it’s a completely acceptable thing to do, if anything it’s more of a taboo for a woman of the 21st century to be opposed to such ‘paraphernalia’.
With that in mind, picture this scene. You’re a young, attractive, city dwelling woman on a night out and a man catches your eye across the bar. He’s young, tall dark and handsome, who knows he might even have a mustache? Words are exchanged, you say seductive and sexy things like, “Did you know that a chicken lays an egg every single day!” (I know right??) or even “did you know that in Victorian times, whores wore pubic wigs?”. With facts as fascinating as that, you’ve pulled. So, able and willing, you totter back to his flat. You get through the front door; it’s not bad, definitely not bad enough to prematurely feel guilty about the imminent ‘casual sex’. You make it into his bedroom, his sheets are clean, always a bonus, things are generally going well: and then you see it. A large, fleshy looking tube shaped device otherwise known as a ‘Flesh Light’ (other sex toys are available).
Now we get to a cross road, a cross road that 9 times out of 10 leads to the revealing of the ‘sex toy double standard’, a phenomenon that has intrigued me of late. Whether we like it or not there’s a massive stigma attached to the very idea of a male sex toy. Band the idea around a group of friends and the same words tend to come up; creepy, sad or the well-known phrase “get a life you fucking weirdo and try getting laid”. It’s simply not acceptable for a man, such as myself, to get freaky with his own self-fulfilling piece of wonder plastic. The natural reaction is to assume that these attitudes are caused because a small minority is actually using them, but this isn’t necessarily true. More and more men seem to be purchasing these sorts of male orientated products, yet despite their increased popularity the prejudice towards their use is still as prevalent.
So why is this? For me it comes down to 3 things: the nature of the male orgasm, the nature of the toys themselves and finally the way society thinks men tend to view sex. Lets start with the male organism. I think we can all agree that as a rule, the male orgasm is pretty shit; it’s short, comes out of nowhere and can’t be experienced again without a re-charge period. The fact that a man would want to go to such lengths to heighten something that isn’t great to begin with, compared to a female orgasm, is for me where all the problems start. As well as this, the way of stimulating an orgasm is pretty much limited to one physical action, again compared to a female orgasm with a variety of methods, the male experience looks a tad rubbish in comparison.
The main problem it seems stems from the toys themselves however. Whichever way you look at it, flesh lights are creepy. Its not like a dildo that comes in all shapes and sizes, a flesh light looks like a vagina, and a fucking scary one at that. The primary aim of the flesh light it seems isn’t to necessarily create pleasure for pleasures sake, but more to replicate the idea of being in a woman/man. Sure, dildos often replicate penises, but its more what it does, than what it looks like while it’s doing it. In contrast, when buying a flesh light you’re offered a choice of which orifice you prefer, with even the option of going for a cast of a famous porn-star now available. When put like this, the description of ‘creepy’ might not seem so harsh.
But regardless, I think that if male sex toys are ever to be accepted, we need to re-evaluate how ‘we’ view sex. Now obviously I’m not asking for a group huddle to create a plan of action, but if this ‘sex toy double standard’ is ever to be shaken, the stereotypical throwaway attitude we assume men have towards sex needs to leave with it. As a rule, society assumes that women have a more emotional outlook towards sex, environmentally this might be true, but scientifically it’s anything but. Scientific American’s Martin Portner came to the conclusion that women actually shut down in emotion-processing regions during arousal and orgasm. So this position that men want a pump and a squirt, while woman enjoy the solitary, emotional pleasure of a rampant-rabbit induced orgasm, scientifically holds no weight.
So after all this waffle, what should we do? Well if the female sex toy revolution is anything to go by, we should fully embrace the idea of the male sex toy. A world without preconceived ideas about sexuality and the ‘dos and don’ts’ that accompany them can only be a good thing. So while you all get on with sexually liberating yourselves, I’m going to stand back and find the whole thing really fucking creepy.

Feature: The Sex Toy Double Standard

Style: Stussy & Fred Perry Collaboration

Style: Adidas Stan Smith II TF Collection

<a rel="attachment wp-att-6467" href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/6465-feature-why-i-dont-care-about-rick-martin/attachment/oak-park-april-6-2009cory-campbell-of-denver-browses-through-vinyl-at-vals-halla-records-on-harrison-st-the-40-year-old-oak-park-establishment-will-be-participating-in-record-store-day-april"><img class="alignnone size-900wide wp-image-6467" title="RSD" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2011/04/dw-recordstore-041609-p3-900x589.jpg" alt="" width="900" height="589" /></a>With Record Store Day approaching, it’s inevitably going to stoke the flames of the already heated debate surrounding the murky future of physical releases in the music industry. After reading a horrendously written, poorly researched <a href="https://www.nme.com/blog/index.php?blog=146&title=why_i_don_t_care_about_record_store_day&more=1&c=1&tb=1&pb=1&fb_comment_id=fbc_10150256219723222_17209506_10150256998948222#f1f2d67f6">article</a> courtesy of Rick Martin at NME, I took it upon myself to conjure up a rebuttal. Whilst there’s no denying the declining sales that physical records are experiencing; in no way does this automatically make CDs, vinyls and tapes obsolete, and to suggest so is to completely alienate and disrespect a sizeable and intensely passionate sector of the music buying public.
In a modern, progressively digital age, Rick Martin’s comments shocked me; if not purely for the reason that they came from a business that is primarily based in print, and whose digital output leaves much to be desired. Was it not NME who only a couple of years ago took upon a huge campaign promoting the sales of vinyl, through a 7″ single giveaway courtesy of The White Stripes? Whilst there is the occasional mp3 made available to download through the NME website, they are mainly collated from various other, more accessible, more reliable websites, who deservedly pride themselves on the quality of their writing, design and functionality, three aspects that NME seemingly cares little for. If the future is indeed a purely digital one, NME are rapidly falling behind and showing few signs of adopting a different approach.
Anyway, as with this site itself, I should hope people read each article as the personal thoughts of the writers, and not the view of the publication as a whole, so I’ll retrace my steps to the article at hand. Only two sentences into the piece and Martin has already deviated almost entirely from his chosen title, disregarding the importance of Record Store Day within a dozen or so words. With little intelligent input on Record Store Day itself, he instead chooses to use the article as a platform to voice his own, misinformed views on the record industry as a whole. For me, the day will be a success regardless of sales or financial gain; merely for the sense of joy and excitement felt by some as they purchase a exclusive, elegantly illustrated vinyl record from their favourite artist.
Only last week I found myself wading through years of memories whilst cleaning my room; a painstaking and mundane task at best. Chancing upon the first CD I ever bought (Aqua – Aquarium if you were wondering) brought about an unprecedented sense of nostalgia, a feeling I wouldn’t have experienced had I stumbled upon the digitised folder whilst sorting through my laptop. Several hours and numerous memorable pop hits later, I tore myself away from Now 42 and got on with what I had originally intended to do, in a far more upbeat manor than previously.
I entirely understand, as I’m sure that many others do, that owning a CD or vinyl single does not elevate you to the position of copyright holder or even the greatly sought after emotional holder of said music. However, since the age of 15 I have made it a goal of mine to own the majority of my favourite tracks in a physical form, as the artists intended them to be. Holding the limited edition 7″ Band of Horses vinyl for their epic track The Funeral brings about a wave of euphoria that I am yet to succumb to whilst scrolling blankly through my iTunes library. An intriguing and engaging artwork is always going to be so, whether displayed upon an LCD screen or printed upon cardboard, but that doesn’t change the fact it’s far more wholesome and enjoyable to physically open your new purchase, insert it into your CD/vinyl player for the first time and truly experience the intangible beauties of music.
Now the one point I do agree with that Martin makes amongst his nonsensical ramblings, is the importance that is making a physical release both original and desirable, in it’s presentation, delivery and contents. We’ve seen Radiohead trial a ‘newspaper’ album recently, as well as the resurgence of cassette tapes, as shown with Of Montreal’s most recent release. Two bold moves, of what is hopefully part of a new level of creative thinking amongst the methods of realising music, to incorporate a way that will offer more personal satisfaction than simply clicking ‘purchase’ on the iTunes store.
Thinking ahead to the not so distant future, one of the appeals of bringing up children is the thought of introducing and educating them in new creative forms that helped to define and shape the person I am. I don’t envision myself simply handing over a minuscule sized hard-drive and instructing them to drag and drop several hundred files onto their own portable device. I want to be able to sit down, and hand my child each individual record, retelling my own personal stories of discovery and enjoyment, in the hope that they to may share in the history of the artefact. Sounds awfully self-indulgent and idealistic when I describe it like that, however I remember being in a similar situation with my parents and learning about their lives, as well as unearthing countless musical gems, a treasured and invaluable experience we wouldn’t have shared had they simply loaded up Spotify and left me to my own devices.
Having belief in the future of music and the important role that the internet will play in the path music promotion and discovery takes, is entirely different to claiming the ‘old-fashioned’ methods of distributing music as redundant. Claiming that music is purely about the actual creation itself, and only that, would be like saying football is solely about the events that occur between three and five o’clock on a Saturday afternoon. There’s no questioning the importance, however we shouldn’t limit ourselves to one, narrow minded way of thinking.
Labelling local independent record store owners as ‘socially-inadequate, sniffy twerps’ is an arrogant and ignorant conclusion to come to. Whilst I have met some who are overly passionate about music as an art form, almost to the point of repulsion, I prefer this than to be treated sullenly by a surly teenager in HMV, incapable of telling the difference between Bruno Mars and The Mars Volta. Demolishing the concept of releasing singles in physical formats, is for me, another step towards music merely becoming a background noise, fading into obscurity amongst the continuous drone that soundtracks everyday life, but that is a subject for another day.
It’s a depressing scenario when music is being enjoyed as such a diluted art form, that it’s almost unrecognisable, and I for one will do everything in my powers to prevent this. Current financial situations don’t lend themselves to extravagant vinyl spending sprees, however, if you have a couple of quid spare, then why not support both your local record store and your favourite musicians and maybe you’ll discover some self-fulfilment amongst it. So for now, I’ll let Rick Martin keep his iTunes library stocked up with the latest tracks from The View, I’m quite content with my vinyls and CDs, even if I am ‘livin da vida loca’.
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Feature: Why I Don’t Care About Rick Martin

The 26th of March was a day of ideological opposites. What you’ve undoubtedly been subjected to over the last few days, however, is an endless stream of images that show the protest at its most violent and turbulent. Despite the media’s corruption of the day, at times it was exactly like that. By 9pm Piccadilly was a wasteland: fires billowed from huge piles of rubbish, bins and traffic cones littered the streets and the police desperately tried to control the situation as best they could.
It hadn’t started like this however. 11 hours earlier I was on the top deck of a bus in east London. The seats were occupied almost exclusively by parents and their children, one kid even offered me a bit of her tuna sandwich, I declined but it looked pretty fucking delicious. The scene couldn’t have been further away from the scenes later in the day. As we left the bus with our newfound friends, the atmosphere that greeted us on the streets was electric with the sinister feelings of protests from the past evaporated, despite the location being the same. There was a genuine feeling that things could change. I even found I wasn’t annoyed by Socialist workers trying to sell me their propaganda as a walked by, believe me when I say this: that hardly ever happens. I was walking on air, we all were. More than anything people were having fun, protesters whistled and hollered as we marched under echo-filled bridges, bands played and there was a belief that with this unified attitude, we could overcome the appalling politics that had sparked the protests in the first place.
As we followed the route to Hyde Park the feeling was sustained. We were greeted by thousands of people, a huge stage and a rather handsome didgeridoo player. Unfortunately this didn’t last long. A tweet from UK-UNCUT spread trough the crowd, “apparently they’re using tear gas on Oxford street” muttered my friend with his eyes locked to his phone. By the time we arrived the ‘violence’ had spread to Piccadilly Circus, I got there just in time to see around three banks being broken into. Alarms echoed through the streets to the soundtrack of “Whose streets? OUR STEETS!!” I was inclined to believe them.
The last time I wrote about the protests in London I was fairly supportive of the actions of the anarchists. I’m not in anyway supportive of violence and would describe myself as a pacifist, yet the destruction didn’t seemed to be targeted at a particular person or sect, more the system that is failing us. On the 26th, although the sentiment may have been the same, the ‘anarchist’s actions were in no way in keeping with the mentality and ideology of the protest. This time they were actually a minority.
As the statistics came through in the days that followed it made for depressing reading. 201 arrested and 149 charged along with a slightly annoying statement from Commander Bob Broadhurst, who led the Met police operation, “Their intent appeared to be causing havoc, with no concern at all for those people in central London they were putting in danger.” I don’t think that was their intent at all, if anything they were the people there that day that cared the most, but I still think they tainted what could have otherwise been a major step in the countries’ distaste for the cuts.
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Feature: The Cuts Protest

CITR Presents: Yoghurt Warrior Summer Look Book

Eva Wiseman’s Up Front feature in The Observer Magazine (20.03.2011) begins:
“It’s a window on the world and our constant companion…So why are we made to feel guilty about watching too much telly?”
Instantly, I know that this article will infuriate me, a staunch advocate of watching as little television as possible. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s the devil’s work, and I’m not going to make any claims about it turning people’s brains to mush. I just take an instant dislike to anybody that considers television their constant companion.
My suspicions of impending irritation are swiftly confirmed. Ignoring an awkward and stretched reference to memory sticks in some flawed attempt to seem current and cutting for now, Eva is quick to endorse the national figures on viewing, the central statistic being the average thirty hours of television an adult will watch each week. That’s almost four and a half hours each day. That’s a very substantial proportion of the free-time the average adult has. Eva chooses to “revel in the role” that television plays in her life, rather than “dismissing television as something that fills my time”. Whilst I am sure that you could find four hours of quality broadcasting that will challenge you, broaden your mind, and open a “window on the world” for you, Eva does not seem to be, citing Jackie Stallone’s entrance to the Big Brother house in 2005 as “perhaps my highlight of that year”. Aside from viewing habits, I feel that this may call into question the value of the contents of her entire year.
If anybody can think of something as mind-numbing as four hours of flicking through channels and watching such utter pap for lack of imagination or motivation, I would love to hear from them (Submissions of Frankie and the Heartstrings’ latest album not considered). You are made to feel guilty because there is little as vapid or shallow as the senseless gaping at pretty lights that most television ultimately is. Nobody has to defend the idea of indulgence in artwork, music, or literature, because unlike television people do not so frequently succumb to accepting the first vaguely diverting spectacle that is paraded before them. Throw away your television.
I will admit to the odd spot of television. I watch Merlin and Doctor Who when they’re on (and not just because they happen to be on the exact same slot on BBC1 at opposite ends of the year), but having read such sentimental piffle as
“The memory of watching them, often alone on my laptop, the sound of festivities elsewhere in the flat, a fight about fried chicken in noisy progress below my window, makes me feel peaceful. Sleepy almost, as though I’ve just eaten a full christmas dinner”
and the dubious call-to-arms that is
“I urge you to come out of your viewing closets, clickers raised”,
I feel less inclined to “indulge” in viewing than ever. Yes, there is something faintly hypnotic about television, and even for a desensitized (as far as zombies go) twenty year old the image of an army of people stumbling aimlessly, blindly pressing their remotes, holds a certain terror.
“But for now we are young, let us lay in the sun, and count every beautiful thing we can see” – Jeff Mangum (Neutral Milk Hotel), In The Aeroplane Over The Sea

Feature: Television

<a rel="attachment wp-att-5215" href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/life/5212-homophobia-in-music/attachment/tyler-the-creatorcitr"><img class="alignnone size-900wide wp-image-5215" title="Tyler The CreatorCITR" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2011/03/Tyler-The-CreatorCITR-900x453.png" alt="" width="900" height="453" /></a>
As much as we’ve advanced as a human race, prejudice and discrimination are two things that continue to plague our existence. What we have learned to do however is eliminate it from our popular culture, at least at first glance. Of course the ‘nigger’ debate still rages on, but most have resided to agree that the word had been manipulated sufficiently to suit an entirely different culture. The rules of use can never be completely distinct, but in the context of hip-hop and ‘black music’ the chances of offence are minimal.
Homophobia on the other hand is a prejudice that has, almost without us realising, crawled back into popular music. The line between the acceptance of racism and homophobia is illogical but simple. With most mainstream religion’s stances on homosexuality being a distinctly negative one it gives those who hold these views a supposedly secure intellectual backdrop. Of course all forms of homophobia aren’t necessarily motivated by religion, but it’s hard to deny that they play a part its acceptability.
Acceptability is the word that strikes so much concern. Homophobia of course isn’t close to being a normal occurrence in modern music or culture, but it’s there nonetheless. Take Sizzla, a dance hall reggae singer who has repeatedly taken violent stabs at the gay community, so much so that he was denied visas to various countries when he tried to tour. In an interview by Richard Burnett for the magazine ‘Hour’ on the 19th of August 2004, Sizzla said:
“…burn sodomite, burn battyman. Burn all things that are wrong. Burn it… We must get rid of Sodom and Gomorrah right now…”
Seemingly unforgivable right? But if these hateful views never transferred to his music perhaps we could listen through gritted teeth? Sizzla’s tune ‘Get To Da Point’ makes this impossible.
“ Sodomite and batty bwai mi seh a death fi dem  [Sodomite and queers, I say death to them] 
Mi no trust babylon fi a second yah so  [I don’t trust Babylon for a second] 
Mi a go shot batty bwai dem widdi weapon ya  [I go and shoot queers with a weapon]”
Although he renounced his views in 2007, it seems hard to believe that something so ingrained could disappear so suddenly. Despite the hateful language and futile conclusion to this story, at least Sizzla felt the full backlash of the musical community. What’s more depressing is the vast amount of cases like this that go unnoticed or forgiven.
50 Cent’s tweet last year, “If you a man and your over 25 and you don’t eat pu**y just kill your self damn it. The world will be a better place. Lol.”, was a perfect example of this. Again an apology followed, but it’s hard to believe that 50 Cent suddenly decided he wasn’t going to be an ignorant moron.
So far so disturbing, but it’s not all bad. The much loved MC Common spoke out about his own homophobia recently and the statement seemed genuinely apologetic. 
“They was like, ‘Why you keep disrespecting homosexuality?’ I thought about it. I ain’t here to judge ’em, so I just decided not to approach it like that.”
Kanye West’s statement at a 2008 concert was even more genuine, saying that it took him time to, “break out of the mental prisons [of homophobia]” and encouraged the audience to, “Open your minds. Be accepting of different people and let people be who they are.” Unfortunately for every breakthrough there will always be a Katy Perry song called ‘Ur so gay’.
The one thing that all these artists have I common is that I don’t care about them. Sure they spread hateful views, but I don’t loose sleep at night thinking about them being wrapped up in their own ignorance. What has genuinely got me thinking recently is my stance on Tyler, the creator and his OFWGKTA collective. This is the first time that an artist who I genuinely respect has expressed views that conflict with my own. His repeated use of the words ‘faggot’ and ‘homo’ could perhaps be seen as playfully ignorant or even post-modern, others however are harder to forgive “go ahead admit it faggot, this shit is tighter than butt rape”. What are more baffling are Tyler’s religious views, repeatedly expressing his atheism and even comically asking people to “play this shit in church”. For someone so apposed religion, he wears a common belief on his sleeve.
So where do I stand? To be honest I’m not completely sure. But after writing this article I went back and listened to his music and found is almost unlistenable in places. It seems that I’m not on the Tyler, The Creator hype train as much as I first thought.

Feature: Homophobia In Music

<img class="alignnone" title="ipod" src="https://scaryideas.com/i/6899.jpg" alt="" width="890" height="556" />Since the immaculate conception of Crack in the Road way back in April 2010 our growth has undoubtedly been supported by the co-operation and eagerness of artists to feature on our site. So in light of this, and with the new year just under way, I thought I’d outline a few principles which may help budding artists to have their music posted on blogs, either this one itself, or sites likes ourselves. Obviously all sites will vary with their procedures as to posting music and featuring artists, but the principles are very much the same, and you’d be astounded at the number of artists who deviate unashamedly from the basic steps.
1) Contact the site directly.
In a day and age where publicity and the growth of trends happens in seconds, it’s crucial that you are available for direct communication. It’s understandable for world superstars to have PR companies managing their affairs, but for a group who have played a few pubs and had a couple of tracks played on the local radio, it’s not necessary. It’s also a monetary concept as well, there is little that a PR company can do for you, that you couldn’t do yourself with slightly more thought and concerted effort, save the money for equipment, traveling, recording.
2) Be approachable and honest.
Any communication should be formal to a certain extent, but don’t make any email sound contrived or self-important. Do your utmost to come across as friendly, and most of all, passionate. Always tell the truth, it only takes a quick internet search to discover whether or not said fact or quote is in fact legitimate. Communicate through all media, whether it be facebook, email, twitter or whatever else is in fashion at the time.
3) Be positive.
Have belief in the quality of the music you are creating; instead of saying “If you like the music, I can send you a CD”, say, “Can I have an address for which to send a copy of our CD to?”. If you don’t have belief in your own music, then there’s nothing to suggest that anyone else should. Instead of opening your email with a quote from a never that great, washed up musician, start with a quote from yourself, outlining your creative intent found in your music. You are the creator, you know far more about your music than anyone else in the entire world, thrive upon that.
4) Do your research and have an opinion.
Have a look around the site before contacting them, it’s probably no use contacting a blog that specializes in 1920’s underground Asian rap, if your music is 1970’s harmonica solo’s recorded in igloo’s. Read a few articles/interviews and form an opinion on it – “yes I agreed with… however my personal highlight was….”. We love the music, show your passion as well.
5) Offer something in return and be pro-active.
As well as telling us about your next gig, offer guestlist places or competition tickets. The same goes for CD’s and other promotional goods, none of us at this site are paid for what we do, so it’s nice to receive some form of admission for the effort we put in. Also think in terms of the broader site, post links to the site on your facebook/twitter/myspace, we’re far more likely to do the same. Offer exclusives, if you’ve just recorded a cover of Afroman’s “Because I Got High” then tell us, and offer it as a free download from the site.
6) Follow up communication.
We’re not perfect and neither are you, emails get over-looked, misplaced, even forgotten at times, so send another email a few days later, however don’t just copy and paste what you have already sent. Appreciate also that we don’t have time to reply to each and every email received, so maybe after the second follow up email, leave it there and pursue other routes of promotion. Don’t get your brother’s mate’s uncle (albeit a huge fan of your music) to bombard the site with emails, “U guyz shud chek owt dis music!” it gets annoying after a while.
7) Keep it relevant and concise.
Give a bit of background information, ie who you are, where you from, what instruments you play, but ask yourself whether it is relevant, or just taking up time that could be spent listening to your music? Do we really need to know that you once sat on your dog and it yelped the chorus to Life Styles of the Rich and Famous by Good Charlotte, and from thenceforth you’ve wanted to be a punk rocker? Probably not.
8) Showcase exactly what you are selling/promoting.
If you are promoting your debut CD, then send us a copy of it, don’t send three or four soundcloud links, where none of the tracks are available to download. We don’t sit at our laptops all day, plugged into firefox, churning out review after review, at least send downloadable versions of the tracks, so if we want to enjoy your music away from the confines of a laptop, then we can do so. Someone who buys your music isn’t going to be expected to sit at their PC screen to listen to it, so neither should we.
9) Be reasonable.
This website, like many other music blogs, is run entirely for our own enjoyment, not for profit, in fact all of us have reached into our pockets at some point to help fund the running of this site. We write as much as possible and as appropriate, please understand this. On the whole we will not write negative reviews of bands who are trying to “make it”, especially of tracks or CD’s. If we see a live performance that is under-par, then we may write a short, critical, but helpful review. Also try to be reasonable with sales, is it better to have 10 sales of your track on iTunes, or have 2,000 people download your single for free? We live in an age where people will quite happily download a track in seconds, legally or not, but will hesitate when it comes to spending 79p on the unknown.
10) Enjoy.
Most importantly, show the sites that you are contacting that you have a real passion and drive for what you do. At the heart of music is an enjoyable, creative process, let us in on it, and we are far more likely to understand where you are coming from.

New Artists: Tips For Getting Your Music Posted

Leaving the 60’s firmly behind us, we move into the afterglow which is now commonly known as the 1970’s. Gone were many of the hippies, dampened was the initial optimism of the youth, and in return the 1970’s welcomed Margaret Thatcher into the political realm and cast a sad economic shadow across the whole nation. Would this be reflected in the Christmas Number 1’s? Would Rolf Harris picked up from where he left off and influence another decade of Christmas Number 1’s? Or would we be spared such torture? In a decade of uncertainty, in Christmas Number 1’s we observe and judge.
The first Christmas Number 1 of the 70’s was achieved by the second, and somewhat lesser known, Welshmen to grace the record books. Dave Edmunds‘ rendition of the 50’s classic, I Hear You Knocking held on to the coveted Number 1 spot for a whopping 6 weeks and was welcome change from the travesty which so cruelly ended the 60’s Christmas Number 1’s. A rock-y blues effort, I Hear You Knocking had achieved good success in America when originally released by Smiley Lewis, though Edmunds effort received a label of recommendation few others tracks have ever achieved when John Lennon stated it was his favourite new recording. Bestowed with this honour, Edmunds‘ Number 1 proved a stark contrast to the Number 1’s that had preceded him. Emphatic syncopation and distorted vocals, fused with an Americana sound that to many people would sound like anything other than ‘Christmas’, I Hear You Knocking did however contain a level of a attitude which had become a mainstay in many 60’s Christmas Number 1’s. A relatively simple yet addictive track, something which will become a common trend in Christmas Number 1’s to date, I Hear You Knocking kick started a very mix matched decade of Christmas Number 1’s.
Having already witnessed the first few attempts of comic Christmas Number 1’s, it wasn’t until 1971 that the listening Christmas audience were given a truly fantastic track by the great Benny Hill. Ernie (The Fastest Milkman in the West) is an innuendo laden story detailing the rivalry between Ernie, a milkman, with Ted, a bread delivery man, who both vie for the heart of a widow named Sue. Very smartly and wittily put together, Hill‘s track was of course aided to success by the popularity of his accompanying comic TV show, however I think it’s important we treat the track as a separate entity. For many years the Christmas Number 1 was a track that had a story, a story that many people could, to some degree, associate temselves with. With Ernie, Hill had managed to pick upon relatively mundane jobs and situations within the every day lives of people and expertly satirise them to an extent which was amusing but not demeaning. More over, Hill was smart enough to use a Wild West theme that would have still been very popular with people, a classic example being Who Shot Liberty Valance, and transform it into a very likable and listenable track. However while the musical structure was a play upon a seasoned stereotype, it was the universal listenability of his lyrics which allowed Ernie to become Number 1. All his innuendoes were subtle and his subject matter seemingly innocent, therefore parents would have been able to play the track in the company of their children without concern. Playing upon heartbreak and bravery while infusing a wonderful comic element into the song, Hill‘s track in many ways is what I’d call an ideal Christmas Number 1.
From genius to the utterly annoying, the 1972 Christmas Number presented us with the 70’s answer to Justin Bieber; Jimmy Osmond. The key difference being there were far fewer teenage lesbians trying to replicate his hair cut. Long Haired Lover From Liverpool stormed to the Christmas Number 1 spot, with The Osmond Family providing the music and background vocals to the whiney, high pitched vocals of the youngest child Jimmy, whom they thrust forward hoping to play upon his ‘cute’ element. Sadly, the listening British audience of 1972 were wholeheartedly taken in by this awfully cheesy concoction. However more than just being horrendously painful to listen to, Osmond‘s number 1 demonstrates a vital part of the development of the Christmas Number 1. For one of the first ever occasions, the ‘novel’ and ‘nonsensical’ Christmas Number 1 hadn’t been created by the song itself, but rather the people singing. Jimmy Osmond was considered by many as wholesome, cute, and, most importantly,  interesting due to being American. That’s right, people were excited about the fact this cute 9 year old and his singing family were linking their native America to the city of Liverpool. While we will no doubt cover more horrific Christmas Number 1’s, this stands out as one of the worst. I am dissapointed in every single person who bought this. Shame on you.
In roaring style, the listening public of 1973 made up for their awful error the previous year by promoting to Christmas Number 1 perhaps the most enduring Christmas song ever created. Slade‘s Merry Xmas Everyone is one of the most significant Christmas Number 1’s history for being the first Number 1 explicitly about Christmas yet still remaining a good musical entity. It also proved that you didn’t have to be good looking to achieve the Christmas title either (sorry Nobby). Wonderfully anthemic, upbeat and optimistic, Slade provided a Christmas Number 1 which guaranteed to get you into the Christmas spirit with it’s rock-y guitars and marching percussion. Emphasising the family elements of Christmas in a jovially cheeky approach, Slade created a Christmas Number 1 that, while toying with typical stereotypes, did not attempt to hark back to past Christmas Number 1’s or images, both stylistically and lyrically. Instead we were finally graced with a Christmas Number 1 that promoted looking, moving, thinking, and acting forward, in which Christmas Day could be a day of celebration and community. However as Christmas Number 1’s always tend to do, Slade‘s effort was completely contrasted with the 1974 Christmas Number 1 Lonely This Christmas by the Glam Rock quartet Mud. Often erroneously attributed to Elvis Presley, the slow and mellow nature of this Number 1 is a tribute to the audio cotton candy of previous Christmas Number 1’s, where a lovelorn story was what every one wanted to listen to. However it is important to note that for the second year in a row it was a track explicitly about Christmas that made the number 1 spot, therefore concreting the idea that this genre didn’t simply have to be a one off novel track, rather you could use well respected musical genres to create genuine Christmas messages. Perhaps had this popped up in the 60’s I would have been slightly  more scathing, but I’m still hurting after the Osmond track, so this number 1 is a good’un in my books.
1975. Christmas Number 1. Queen. Bohemian Rhapsody. It had taken 5 years, but the 70’s had finally managed to promote one of the best songs in history to it’s rightful place as a Christmas Number 1. I’m not going to go in to detail about the track itself as you will have all heard it, and if you haven’t then you shouldn’t be reading this blog, but rarely will a Christmas Number 1 ever again be as truly genius as this Queen classic. One of the few occasions it seems that a Christmas Number 1 was selected purely on it’s musical merit, I would quite gladly have Bohemian Rhapsody blasting out as I opened my presents and ate my copious about of Turkey. However obviously a bit thrown by a Christmas Number 1 that had not been about Christmas, or audio cotton candy, the listening British public reverted to their old ways and in 1976 brought Johnny Mathis‘ When a Child is Born to the Christmas Number 1 slot for a pitiful 3 weeks. While considered by many as a classic Christmas Number 1, Mathis‘ effort is simply another track that plays upon loose Christian imagery to play up to the typical ‘warming’ music that many though, and were correct in thinking, would sell over Christmas. Preaching about world peace in the most pathetic terms. ‘it must come true, sometime, somehow‘, Mathis‘ work is definitely a product of it’s time as I highly doubt you’d be able to get away with the lyric ‘black, white, yellow, who knows?‘ in many modern classics. However as we attempt to take a purely objective view of the Christmas Number 1’s, Mathis‘ Number 1 demonstrates the fickle nature of the Christmas Number 1. The 70’s was steadily becoming the decade in which the ‘Christmas’ Christmas Number 1’s was developing it’s first strong foundations.
I really wish that I could be one of those Englishmen who hated the sound of bagpipes, simply so I could act genuinely outraged that the 1977 Christmas Number 1 contained the noise of their shocking shrill, however I’d be lying. Rather, I actually quite like them, so I have a bit of a soft spot for this Christmas Number 1, Wings‘ Mull of Kintyre. McCartney had yet again managed to get into the Christmas Number 1’s, however now in the guise of his ever changing Wings, which primarily focused around himself and his wife, Linda. A track detailing an admiration of the beauty of the Scotish highlands, Mull of Kintyre is a relatively boring song that is only saved by McCartney‘s distinct and engaging vocals that turn the track into a rather spiritual yet accessible musical entity. Somehow Mull of Kintyre even managed to retain it’s Number 1 spot for a staggering 9 weeks, which perhaps suggests a musical drought which to this day has never been reported upon. However it is interesting to note that Mull of Kintyre, like several other 70’s Christmas Number 1’s, has a very communal feel to it, insofar as an ability for everyone to be able to appreciate and join in to the track itself. Approaching the end of the 70’s, we are revisited by a Christmas Number 1 that had first made an appearance in the 50’s; Mary’s Boy Child. Although on this occasion it was the disco group Boney M that reworked this classic into a irritatingly likable track that was baptist in it’s declaration of Jesus and ‘The Lord’, while mixing this with bursts of tambourine and bells to create a Christmas song you could dance to. To many this Christmas Number 1 will simply be a glorified ringtone, but it demonstrated yet again that the Christmas Number 1 is a track that you simply could not predict. Rather, it was a position held by what ever was, to borrow a more modern term, ‘trending’ at that particular time. And it is for this very reason why the Christmas Number 1 is such a valuable tool in looking back not only in to the history of music, but in to social and cultural history.
For the first time in our tour through the Christmas Number 1’s of the past, this decade ended it’s Christmas Number 1’s with a fantastic and enduring track. Pink Floyd‘s Another Brick In The Wall (Part 2) reigned supreme for 5 weeks and provided a final twist to a decade of completely random Christmas Number 1’s. The 70’s had been a tumultuous decade, full of political unrest and economic woes, therefore the Christmas Number 1’s can aide our ability to identify the common feeling of the time. In the same decade we had gone from the sheer optimism and cheer of Slade to the empowered yet dark voice of Floyd‘s effort, in which teachers, and presumably the wider government, are criticised for being over controlling and domineering in their approach. Bursting with awe inspiring guitar riffs, Pink Floyd are one of the few efforts, including that of Queen‘s, that can be considered truly great songs that were made Christmas Number 1 for simply that reason. They were by no means a track designed simply to sell as a Christmas Number 1, rather they were brought to prominence simply by their own musical merit. I know that this could sound a bit like common sense, but as we work closer to the 80’s and 90’s, such tracks became harder to find as the music industry realises the true economic potential of the Christmas Number 1, and the truly awful shit that most people would be able to buy, and maybe even listen to. However in terms of the 70’s, the Christmas Number 1 had gone through perhaps it’s most evolutionary phase, in which there had been the comic, the festive, the genius and the awful had all featured.
Yet again I have put together a play list, but the might Pink Floyd have yet to agree to Spotify, so a live performance will have to suffice.
<a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/bennyboy2010/playlist/1wEF9uWMAX3purvXjms9bv">1970’s Christmas/Crack In The Road</a>
<a href="spotify:user:bennyboy2010:playlist:1wEF9uWMAX3purvXjms9bv">1970’s Christmas/Crack In The Road</a>

A Brief History of the Christmas Number 1 – The 1970’s

So we enter the next decade of our journey into the phenomenon which is the Christmas Number 1. The 1960’s marked a distinct change in the direction of the development of the world, with the Cold War, pardon the pun, heating up, and political activism sprouting and blossoming in an ever more empowered youth. With these exciting times came an exciting new musical genre, Rock & Roll. We saw evidence of this new genre toward the end of the 50’s, however it was to take the world, and the Christmas Number 1’s, by storm, though perhaps not as early as many may have thought.
This said, the first Christmas Number 1 of the 1960’s would also introduce us to the musical heavyweight (even I can’t decide whether I mean this or not); Cliff Richard. This Cliff Richard, while still sickly sweet, was the Cliff Richard that had not yet decided to express his religious beliefs quite so reverently and had the backing of The Shadows. His 1960 Christmas Number 1 I love you, while not by any means the sort of Rock & Roll we have become accustomed to, laid down a great deal of the template to which many artists would follow. Jangly guitars and raucous percussion replaced the orchestrated nature of many of the hits in the 50’s, while Cliff Richard is arguably the first ‘heartthrob’ we’ve encountered during our Christmas Number 1’s. A short and very whimsical track, I Love You demonstrates that love has always been a big seller over the Christmas period, and more importantly that the Christmas Number 1 had very much been a track that was easy listening. This sense of easy listening, a track that could act as an audio cotton wool of warmth and protection, carried on in our 1961 Christmas Number 1 Moon River performed by Danny Williams. Made famous by Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast At Tiffany‘s, it was the South African singer Danny Williams to win over the favour of Britain’s listening ears. He was such a hit that he was nicknamed ‘Britain’s Johnny Mathis‘ due to his smooth and stylish ballad style, a style not too dissimilar from a young Cliff Richard. Gone are the epic vocals of Martino and in come the quieter, more intimate vocals, demonstrating that many people had begun to view music as a far more personal experience. Unfortunately Williams‘ and Richard‘s efforts only lasted a pitiful two weeks at Christmas Number 1, and while our next Christmas Number 1 faired only slightly better with 3 weeks, I doubt that it was of any real concern to him.
The winter of 1962 brought to Britain ‘The Big Freeze’, in which there were no frostless nights until March the following year, and there were snow drifts up to 20 feet over South East England (A period not really mentioned during our own current ‘Snow Disaster’). Perhaps with some sense of irony, the people of Britain chose their Christmas Number 1 as a two fingered salute to the weather. Elvis Presley‘s Return To Sender peaked at Number 1 over Christmas in Britain for 3 weeks, and very much asserted the fact that our Christmas Number 1’s would be dominated by Rock & Roll for the coming years. Again, yet another track about forlorn love which remains upbeat and catchy, the British public had certainly decided exactly the sort of track they wanted to hear in their front rooms come Christmas morn. Sadly Return to Sender was a track that was released in a period that saw the marked decline of Elvis, but his Christmas Number 1 provided a track that was certainly, and thankfully, demonstrated a shift in taste that demanded a Christmas Number 1 which was entertaining and interesting than a simple ballad.
Now, I’m not sure if you have noticed the massive photo at the start of this article, but it is at this point you’re somewhat rewarded for having to look at Ringo Starr’s not-so-pretty-or-talented mug. 1963 saw the beginning of one of The Beatles many records, and in this case it was 3 consecutive Christmas Number 1’s. No other artist or band has ever come near this achingly prestigious achievement, and such a feat is a fantastic insight into the true extent of ‘Beatlemania’. I Want To Hold Your Hand was a massive hit on both sides of the Atlantic, and marked a huge change in musical tastes amongst the listening public. Gone were the timid outreaches into Rock & Roll, and instead The Beatles fully embraced brash guitars and soaring melodies with lyrics that were crafted with a great level of genius in terms of popular admiration. Everyone could listen to The Beatles and gleam something from it, and most importantly their first Christmas Number 1 was by no means the audio cotton wool that had preceded it. Instead Christmas Day would have been a far more upbeat and inspired affair, and as such the direction of the decade was changed. A great feeling of willing submission combusted into high level questioning and the youth moved into a reactive movement. Sadly we can still see how early the conceited nature of our Christmas Number 1’s become ingrained, as I Want To Hold Your Hand was a track written upon request of The Beatles‘ manager as to stir up interest and a fan base in America, as their previous singles had been a flop across the pond. Seemingly a sad but inevitable truth.
The following year The Beatles return to the Number 1 spot with their track I Feel Fine. A distinct change in sound from I Want To Hold Your Hand, it demonstrated not only that The Beatles were a musically evolving entity, but that the British public were in such a hypnoses with these cheeky Scousers that no other band of the period could shift them from that treasured winter Number 1 spot. Still a very accessible and entertaining track, The Beatles had fantastically managed to withdraw the trend of forlorn love in Christmas Number 1’s and replace it with a very active and optimistic love, meaning that Christmas no longer had to be a time of quiet and peace, but instead could be celebratory and simply fun. In many ways The Beatles were the first band to truly understand, or at least those that made money from them, the value of a Christmas Number 1. 1965 saw The Beatles capture the Number 1 spot again with their single Day Tripper, which was strategically released on the 3rd of December. A world away from their first Christmas Number 1 in terms of sound, The Beatles demonstrated that they had changed for good what a Christmas Number 1 meant. Beatlemaina had completely  enveloped audiences on both sides of the Atlantic and the Christmas Number 1 as a result was explicitly demonstrated as an ingenious tool as to perpetuate this interest and the financial gains many were to make from it. However we cannot take too much away from this achievement as for a period of time the Christmas Number 1 was graced with truly great songs, though for some 1966 would top the past three years.
That’s right, our favourite Welshman Tom Jones broke the control of The Beatles with his 1966 Christmas Number 1 Green Green Grass of Home. Not only had the English appeared to have reclaimed the creation of the Christmas Number 1, but the Welsh had got in on the act too. A country song originally written and performed a year prior to Jones‘ rendition, the Green Green Grass of Home presents us with a slight conundrum. For three years prior the Number 1 had been dominated by young and surging tracks, whereas Jones‘ track presents a lapse back into the audio cotton wool many would have been familiar with in the 50’s. Perhaps exhausted by the energy The Beatles had vested into Christmas, many people decided to stray back into a calm comfort zone with Jones‘ fantastically uplifting yet relaxed track. However what I believe sounds like a more realistic answer is that the only single The Beatles released that year from their fantastic Revolver album, was Yellow Submarine and it was released in August. Had their single been released at the start of December, there is no doubt in my mind that Tom Jones would have missed out on his Christmas claim to fame. More evidence of this can be seen in The Beatles return to the Christmas Number 1 spot in 1967 with their infamous track Hello, Goodbye. Another change in sound from their previous efforts, with this track portraying the more spiritual mystique The Beatles were developing in to, the fact this track was released at the end of November essentially guaranteed the band their Christmas Number 1 spot. Fittingly, this was the last Christmas Number 1 The Beatles would ever achieve, as the band began to disintegrate and Lennon became more and more disillusioned with what was surrounding him. However there is no denying that even with this slightly slower Christmas Number 1, The Beatles had changed perceptions of audiences across the world of what could grace our ears over Christmas.
Come 1968 and I encountered one of the more obscure Christmas Number 1’s that had ever made the cut. The Scaffold (no I had never heard of them either) topped the Christmas chart for 3 weeks with their performance of Lily The Pink. By all accounts a surprise Number 1 even in its hay day, The Scaffold contained Paul McCartney‘s brother, Mike McCartney, and the band were primarily a comic music trio. Achieving moderate success over their existence, they did sign to several major labels, The Scaffold achieved this particular success with the help of a young Elton John and Graham Nash. Lily The Pink itself was an already established folk song, but with The Scaffold‘s lyrical changes they managed to create a cheeky and humourous version that struck a chord with the British public. What’s most interesting about Lily The Pink is that it was the first of many Christmas Number 1’s which would reach it’s lofty heights not simply for it’s musical content, or a cult of personality, rather it’s pure light hearted nature. In many ways it can be seen as a communal sigh of relief from the crazy heights Beatlemaina reached, and most importantly it demonstrated that you didn’t need to be an international superstar, a heartthrob of a vocalist or even very talented to achieve a Christmas Number 1. To this day we still feel the consequences, both good and bad, of The Scaffold‘s achievement.
Reaching our final year of the 60’s, one of the few Australians to capture even a small part of the British imagination provided another surprise Christmas Number 1. That’s right, Rolf Harris‘ rendition of the 1902 track Two Little Boys reached the Number 1 spot and managed to stay there for a staggering 6 weeks. A truly awful track, in which Harris warbles American Civil War inspired lyrics over a generic brass brand. However who am I to comment, when Margaret Thatcher told BBC Radio Blackburn ten years later that it was one of her all time favourite songs. Thatcher‘s insightful music critique aside, Two Little Boys followed on from The Scaffold‘s Lily The Pink, insofar as the British public’s enjoyment of the ‘marching brass band’ sound, in which images and sounds of bravery in war came to represent a great deal of Christmas. A more famous example of this was Jona Lewie‘s Stop the Cavalry which was to come later, but perhaps it was the sense of resilience that these tracks presented that won the hearts, and wallets, of many. This phenomenon isn’t particularly new, as it can be seen in the classic Christmas Carol Little Drummer Boy, but it does suggest a sense of retreat from the massive change Beatlemania had caused.
The 1960’s was perhaps the most eventful year of Christmas Number 1’s. Beginning with the mellow nature of Cliff Richard, moving on to the chaotic musical revolt of Beatlemania, to the slowing end in which Christmas Number 1’s opened the flood gates to likeable yet farcical tracks. However most strikingly the 60’s was only the decade not to include any tracks that were explicitly about Christmas, religious or otherwise. This last fact is open to many avenues of speculation, but in many ways the 60’s acted as a microcosm of what the Christmas Number 1 can materlise as, and subsequently mean. The calm, the warming, the raucous, the life changing, and even the painfully pathetic, though always popular.
Check out my spotify playlist for the 60’s Christmas Number 1’s. However I must apologise as while The Beatles have released their music to iTunes, they have yet to do so on Spotify. Therefore you’ve got a delightful tribute band filling the void!
<a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/bennyboy2010/playlist/7bg97RPBRU2seBhGgvwfdB">1960’s Christmas/Crack In The Road</a>
<a href="spotify:user:bennyboy2010:playlist:7bg97RPBRU2seBhGgvwfdB">1960’s Christmas/Crack In The Road</a>

A Brief History of the Christmas Number 1 – The 1960’s

Looking back at over 50 years of Christmas Number 1’s, it’s hard to define one discernible pattern. Glancing over a collection of songs that range from the fantastic to the awful, the melancholic to the nonsensical, I am initially left wondering why we’re so hung up on what track happens to be the best selling over the Christmas period. It all used to strike me as painfully commercial and materialistic, as crazed shoppers would hurry through the isles of HMV or Virgin record stores desperately searching for a copy of the ‘Christmas Number 1’ believing it to be a holy grail of gifts, a gift that no one could possibly not like. How many Christmases must have been ruined by over eager mothers demanding their children to play, on repeat, the new single they’d been given for Christmas. I imagined major record labels cackling with delight as they worked as evil puppeteers, navigating people’s opinions and ‘musical tastes’ into buying into their concocted plan of the Christmas Number 1, to which they’d then sit back and reap the benefits. However over the course of researching this article, I began to realise that there may be more to this phenomena than just seedy economic gain.
In the first part of this series of articles, I shall look back at the Christmas Number 1’s of the 1950s.
With the creation of the Official Singles Chart in 1952, so was born our fascination with the Christmas Number 1. The first person to achieve this prestigious honour was the late great Al Martino with his song Here In My Heart. A pop song that was well and truly ingrained in the Crooner phase of the time, Here In My Heart is a surprisingly upbeat beginning for our journey through the Christmas Number 1’s. The track was a huge hit at the time, retaining the number 1 spot for a whopping 9 weeks, which is not so hard to believe when you go back in time and give this song a listen. A full brass band meets the emphatically powerful vocals of Martino, who bellows out melodramatic lyrics that were typical of the style of the time period. Obviously out dated to our modern day tastes, but that’s not what is important. When you listen to this first ever Christmas Number 1, you hear a song that would have genuinely been universally popular. Falling in the early stages of development of the main stream music industry, Here In My Heart represents a Christmas Number 1 that is musically well constructed, warming, accessible and, well, simply a song. As we progress through our time traveling journeys, we may struggle to attach these descriptions to many more of the Christmas Number 1’s.
Next year saw Frankie Laine‘s Answer Me retain the Number 1 spot for 8 weeks, and it is a track which largely follows the same style of Martino, though a wholly more understated affair. A pretty boring Number 1 as we’ll soon discover, as in 1954 Winifred Atwell‘s suitably named ragtime piano track Let’s Have Another Party stormed to the Christmas Number 1. Entirely without vocals, Let’s Have Another Party marked a temporary change from the Crooner classics that had preceded it. Upbeat and horrendously jovial, Let’s Have Another Party was the first of many Christmas Number 1’s that could be seen to retain its lofty position for the simple fact it was a bit of fun and in many ways was a bit of nonsense. However this break from the Crooner stylings of the 50’s was swiftly ended the following year when Dickie Valentine‘s Christmas Alphabet took to the throne of the Christmas Number 1. Sadly it is also at this point do we see the first evidence that someone in an element of power had cottoned on to the real promise of huge profits of a Christmas Number 1 – the fact the song is about Christmas. Listening to Valentine‘s track confirms all my suspicions that this track had been engineered simply for the Christmas market, and to cleverly appeal to people’s stereotypical imaginations of Christmas. While this was a trend that would inevitably continue, it did make me stop to think about Christmas as a whole. Where do we get our vivid imaginations of a typical Christmas? Of course Christmas has been described in novels and other works of fiction for hundreds of years, but Christmas Alphabet is the first recognised Christmas Number 1 that actually appeals to these images and shamelessly reinforces them. Valentine‘s lyrics cover all the key concepts of our illusionary thoughts of Christmas, and while he once mentions families, they all revolve around material objects. To this day we become hyper focused creations of material goods at Christmas, but by looking at this Christmas Number 1 we’re presented with a wonderful insight into how that even more than 50 years on, our concept of Christmas has not changed that dramatically.
Come 1956 and we have our first Christmas Number 1 created by a convicted prisoner, who originally thought of the song whilst walking in the yard of his prison. How very Christmassey I hear you cry. Of course you’ll all remember it as well, Johnnie Ray‘s classic version of the 1952 track Just Walkin’ In The Rain, not to be confused with the lesser popular track Singing in the Rain. Admittedly a move away from the conceited Christmas track, Walkin’ In The Rain still has a Christmas feel about it. Maybe it’s due to the years of inadvertent conditioning I suffered when the ‘Best of Christmas Hits’ was played when I was a child, however on the whole this track is mellow but ultimately one of the less exciting Christmas Number 1’s. Come 1957, the fifth year anniversary for the Christmas Number 1, we are presented with a track many of us would be familiar with, but not for it’s original performer. Harry Belafonte‘s performance of Jester Hairston‘s track Mary’s Boy Child is more commonly known as a Christmas Number 1 performed by Boney M, but this original marks the first wholly religious Christmas Number 1. Contrasting sharply with the first Christmas Number 1 which was about ‘Christmas’, Valentine‘s highly materialistic track, Mary’s Boy Child is one of the most sedated and contemplative Christmas Number 1s to enter the records, and the first to seemingly have a lasting impression on a listening population. Viewed by many as a Christmas Carol due to its religious focus, it’s fascinating to see this marked change of preference from the Christmas Number 1 which focused on the personal emotions of lost love, and instead recited biblical images of peace and harmony. Again the Christmas Number 1 can give us a fantastic insight into the feeling of that particular time period, as 1957 marked a year in America (all Christmas Number 1’s came out of America at this time it seems) where Cold War Tensions began to rise as America was on the back foot of a developing Space race while only being months away from a sharp and painful economic recession. It may well be that Mary’s Boy Child reflects a sombre mood, and a temporary respite from the focus on the self.
As we approach the end the 1950’s, the Christmas Number 1 as a period of reflection has gone and has been replaced with Conway Twitty‘s It’s Only Make Believe. A return to the focus that seems to infiltrate most Christmas Number 1’s of the 1950’s of lost love, or that of the damned romantic man that lusts for a love that is unobtainable. Strangely likable and listenable, Twitty‘s track is one of the first to bare the hallmarks of more modern Christmas Number 1’s, with it’s more intimate vocals and music, straying away from the overwhelming nature of the big band Crooners. However it is its repetitive nature and relatively simple musical outlay that marks it’s true Christmas Number 1 nature. Moving on from Twitty’s only number 1, we reach the final Christmas Number 1 of the 1950’s in the form of Emile Ford & The Checkmates performance of What Do You Want To Make Those Eyes At Me For? Perhaps the most significant of the 1950’s Christmas Number 1’s, Emile Ford‘s venture into this crazy new genre ‘Rock n Roll’ was to shape music for the following decade and beyond. Within the period of 10 years, the 1950’s Christmas Number 1’s have demonstrated a massive change in musical genres and, equally as important, the styles of music that a majority of people were listening to. Ironically Emile Ford‘s track was reportedly written some 43 years prior to their performance of it, but it’s status as a Christmas Number 1 marked a transition from the 1950’s which would have ever lasting consequences on what was required to become a Christmas Number 1.
I have created a Spotify playlist with all of these tracks on, should you want to listen to what many of your parents and/or grandparents would have been raving on about all those years ago.
<a href="https://open.spotify.com/user/bennyboy2010/playlist/0jniGBZaqBDzuWvlbIgc8j">1950’s Christmas/Crack In The Road</a>
<a href="spotify:user:bennyboy2010:playlist:0jniGBZaqBDzuWvlbIgc8j">1950’s Christmas/Crack In The Road</a>

A Brief History of the Christmas Number 1 – The 1950’s

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1978/79 – The Winter of discontent. 2010/2011 – The Winter of extremist ascent? It is without question we live in a time of unbridled cynicism. Firstly, the Casino bankers drop us into a financial crisis deeper than a Chilean mineshaft. Then, students siege the Millbank building in central London, depicting a clearly disillusioned and downtrodden youth. Finally, the insult to an already gaping injury, our darling Jack Duckworth is cruelly carted off our television screens.
In all seriousness, Caviar Cameron may yet live to lament the decision to put a proverbial cap in the ass of the working class student. However, that is an argument for another article. The right wing has also followed suit in voicing its dissatisfaction at the current economic, political and social climate of ‘Broke Britain’. Indoctrinating the latest wave of Lacoste clad lethargic lowlife across the Tinpot towns of Britain, the EDL, as ever, continues to sustain its sterling job of ‘defending’ our England.
Fortunately, this empire wasn’t built on fascist propaganda, quite the contrary. Nor was it erected by millionaire footballers, performing a ‘Bukkake’, on any budding Kerry Katona they find to participate in such a sanctified ritual; or the bankers funding such frivolity for that matter. No good sirs, this realm was built on willow and cork.
An old Spanish proverb, or Harvey Dent, depending on your predilection, once said ‘The night is darkest before the dawn’. In times of seemingly infinite depression, it is often advised, in the medical profession, for a patient to craft themselves a positive imagery of the future. To articulate myself in Orwellian philosophy, ‘What is happiness but the near future?’
So, peering around a sick soaked kitchen/ lounge area, laden with sweaty adolescents, a broken Velux window and an impending fine off a landlord, involving bathtubs and a nightclub roof, I, akin to many in Britain, am in dire need of a little positive Zen. Enter the Ashes stage right.
The modestly sized urn, contested between the bitter sporting rivals of England and Australia since the 19th century, will bask in warmer climes than the Lords trophy cabinet this winter. As the 66th duel between Strauss and Ponting commences. A sport all too readily written off as jingoistic brouhaha by many, Cricket, I hasten to remind its sceptics, can be traced back to solid Tudor roots in the 16th century.
It is a game of convoluted rules, mind boggling jargon and contrary to popular belief, an athletic level of physicality and a chess player’s degree of strategy; despite George Best’s claims that it was ‘The only sport you can get fat whilst playing’. Only a man of pious cricket faith could elucidate the magnitude of ‘6 Jaffa’s in the corridor of uncertainty ‘or a ‘slog into cow corner’. Given the archetypal aspersions surrounding ‘The National Sports’ players within the Premier and Football leagues, it is refreshing to see that Cricketers in this country are seldom reported to be partaking in 14 hour coke fuelled sex binges at their captain’s house.
Although it is not a game wholly exempt from controversy. With the topical betting scandal in Pakistan, gang influence within the Sub-continent and, of course, the passing of Preston’s prodigal son, Mr Flintoff, through professional ranks this decade, Cricket has had its moments of disrepute. Though, there is an undeniably assured purity in the event of any Ashes series, which is now infrequency in the money obsessed epoch of 21st century sport. The expectant air cradling this latest series is, also, more pragmatic than that which culminated in the despondent disappointment of last summer’s Football World Cup. The opening venue in Brisbane, known as ‘The Gabbattoir’ for its barbarous atmosphere, despite the high octane rivalry, will see fans freely mix and drink together, without a hint of trouble; though the jocular ‘sledging’ will be at a premium.
Living in a country so preoccupied with the self serving continuation of social disparity, Cricket can offer many of the disenchanted citizens a much needed respite this winter. The Ashes will once again serve up its eternally endearing ingredients of drama, scintillating sport and above all else, an unparalleled combination of competition and respect.

Real Britannia

<a rel="attachment wp-att-3466" href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/life/3383-the-day-we-had-a-voice/attachment/millbank"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-3466" title="millbank" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2010/11/millbank.jpg" alt="" width="700" height="467" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/11/millbank.jpg 700w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/11/millbank-260x173.jpg 260w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/11/millbank-640x426.jpg 640w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/11/millbank-165x110.jpg 165w" sizes="(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px" /></a>
With the dust now settled on the student ‘protest’ against planned education cuts and tuition fee rises, the natural instinct is to reflect in a way that just wasn’t possible so close to the event. Other publications seemed to have a problem with being quite so fair; the Daily Mail as always brought class and ‘youth hate’ into the equation with the Guardian rather more amusingly reveling in the revolution. I might as well make three things clear from the start; I was there, I did enter the Millbank building and I largely support the actions of those involved that day.
I now realise I may have alienated half my audience, after all the images that emerged after the storming of the Millbank building weren’t exactly positive in their depictions of the modern student. Reports of a fire extinguisher being thrown from the roof, police brutality and a general disregard for the intended cause only made things worse. Now while doing my best not to sound like an annoying liberal revolutionary (I’m not I promise), I still feel like the protest has been misrepresented.
Let us remember that the protest started peacefully with over 50,000 students, lecturers, teachers and parents lining the streets of central London all in the name of equal opportunities; it was inspiring to watch. What wasn’t however was the various other causes that were represented on the day. As we walked passed parliament we saw peace campaigners, a group calling for a fair inquest into 9/11 and UAF all fighting for our hearts and minds. On second glance the situation seemed a lot glummer, put simply this wasn’t just about education cuts, it was a reaction stemming from a genuine frustration towards our society and a government that is turning its back on half of its country. Couple this with the raw wounds of G20 and the likelihood of this being a peaceful affair was slim. There was simply no other options.
The general feeling on the day was a lot more mature than the media gave it credit for, the feeling of apathy was certainly there amongst a certain few, a criticism that appears to being coming from most camps, however on a general level the youth that turned up that day simply wanted to heard. The criticism of those involved in the ‘violence’ still rings true even a week later, rather than simply condemning this apparent minority the mainstream media seems more focused on the social class of the group, asking the question ‘did they even have the right to be there’? Take the Daily Mail’s headline the following day as an example <a href="https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1328385/TUITION-FEES-PROTEST-Anarchists-cause-chaos-50k-students-streets.html">“Hijacking of a very middle class protest”</a>,“ surely this reveals the problem in a nutshell, if the ‘uneducated’ don’t have a right to fight for an education system that has failed them then what chance do we have of improving this thoroughly unfair situation? Even the inclusion of the words ‘middle-class’ to me is both mocking and elitist in equal measure, something of a habit when it comes to the Daily Mail. Why shouldn’t the middle classes not be able to fight for fairness and equality within their own country, after all we’re not all like Daily Mail readers.
So what next? In many ways the riot had a danger of derailing the movement but rather it’s seriously highlighted the extreme discomfort felt by the masses toward this coalition government. More importantly it unsighted fear within the government, a fear that if the horizon is to be believed could grow in the coming months with walkouts, more protests and flash-mobs just around the corner. At long last we have a voice.
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These are the views of Joel Chima and do not represent Crack In The Road as a whole.

The Day We Had A Voice

Dear Crack In The Road Readers,
For the past month or so we’ve had a presence on the media and blog search engine Wikio, with an aim to promote our articles to readers that may not have otherwise stumbled across them. In our first month we were ranked 109th in the Music category, which we were all chuffed about as the site itself indexes just under a quarter of a million sites and blogs. However I’ve just been informed by the good people at Wikio that we have climbed 89 places to 20th! This is a fantastic achievement and one of the largest leaps seen by the staff behind Wikio. Now while we are unashamedly over the moon about this, I wanted to take the time to thank you all, our valuable readers, for taking the time to read our thoughts and opinions on music and beyond. I also want to thank all of those people who deem our articles worthy to link to, promote or mention in their own spheres of influence, as it is this activity in particular that pushes us up the rankings. Without your support and continuing readership this site would simply be our ramblings lost in the vast space of the interweb. Therefore, even if only to humour us and feed our starving egos, I encourage you to continue your support for Crack In The Road and to help us achieve that coveted Number 1 Spot.
Here is the official Top 20 list from Wikio:
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<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.musicrooms.net/" target="_blank">Musicrooms.net</a></td>
</tr>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">2</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.soulculture.co.uk" target="_blank">SoulCulture.co.uk</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">3</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.xrrf.blogspot.com" target="_blank">No Rock And Roll Fun</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">4</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.popjustice.com" target="_blank">Popjustice</a></td>
</tr>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">5</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://londonjazz.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">LondonJazz</a></td>
</tr>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">6</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.guardian.co.uk/music/tomserviceblog" target="_blank">Tom Service on classical music</a></td>
</tr>
<tr class="bg">
<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">7</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.discopop.co.uk/blog" target="_blank">Discopop Directory</a></td>
</tr>
<tr class="bg">
<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">8</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://routenote.com/blog" target="_blank">RouteNote Blog</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">9</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://putmeonit.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">PUT ME ON IT</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">10</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://davidnice.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">I’ll think of something later</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">11</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://girl-with-a-music-tracked-mind.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Girl-with-a-music-tracked-mind</a></td>
</tr>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">12</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.lilwaynehq.com" target="_blank">Lil Wayne HQ</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">13</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://goldielocksmusic.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">GoldieLocks’ Shit Yo</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">14</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.20jazzfunkgreats.co.uk/wordpress" target="_blank">20jazzfunkgreats</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">15</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/introducing/" target="_blank">BBC – Introducing blog</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">16</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.certifiedbanger.co.uk" target="_blank">Certified Banger</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">17</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.southernhospitality.co.uk/blog" target="_blank">Southern Hospitality</a></td>
</tr>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">18</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.live4ever.uk.com/" target="_blank">Live4ever – The Brit Rock Daily</a></td>
</tr>
<tr class="bg">
<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">19</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.alterthepress.com/" target="_blank">Alter The Press!</a></td>
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<td class="td1" width="30" valign="top">20</td>
<td class="td2"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://api.crackintheroad.com" target="_blank">Crack In The Road</a></td>
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News: Top 20

<a rel="attachment wp-att-2620" href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/life/2575-what-next/attachment/exams-2"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-2620" title="exams" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2010/08/exams1.jpg" alt="" width="700" height="460" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/08/exams1.jpg 700w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/08/exams1-260x170.jpg 260w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/08/exams1-640x420.jpg 640w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/08/exams1-165x108.jpg 165w" sizes="(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px" /></a>
What’s next? Many of us at this moment will be receiving the emails entitled with this question, and the answers will invariably begin with “erm…?” because really, who knows? For those of you who got into the university of choice (me included) congratulations! But even for us lucky ones, the question still applies. None of us know what is next, and quite frankly, UCAS, its rather rude to keep asking. We know vaguely where we are headed, if we didn’t get in, to get a job, if we did, to Uni, but what does that entail? Every university is different, and those going will be packing what seem to be their infinitesimal lives into mum and dad’s cars, driving to a city where you know nobody, and waving bye-bye to security. Exciting? Yes. Terrifying? Definitely
The first thing most 18 year olds did on receiving results last Thursday, was to go out on the most disgusting night of the year that isn’t a holiday, and either drown their sorrows or celebrate, generally culminating in vomit, sweat, blood and or tears with a comfort kebab and ruined clothing, or in my case exactly 17 bruises, a stolen pint glass, and an earful of moralising from a very interfering taxi driver. Waking up however, the haze ascending, we peer bleary eyed through last night’s calamity with naivety into the future. With the colossal task of organising accommodation, finance, supplies or jobs, re-sitting exams, and rent/travel. And although all of this is exciting and progressive, stepping into your future and making decisions – it does beg the question, is it all worth it?
I ask you to think back, to when at the beginning of first year at the vulnerable age of 16, they begin to harass you about university choices, the course you want to study. The establishment asking for forms of confirmation so that they can self righteously publish how many students that they sent to get degrees, how clever of them. Then the following year the dreaded UCAS demands that you turn the empty word document into a personal statement that treads the fine line between arrogance and being self obsessed, and fill in the 5 spaces you pin your hopes on for future. Not to mention exams and the knowledge that in reality, nothing is certain or prepared. I know that I started having doubts at this point, wondering if I should even bother or just wait till next year. Here you are barely sustaining the pressure of not only your college, your family, and your friends, but also the credit crunch obliterating the job market, and University places getting harder and harder to come by. Not only this but the success of David Cameron making it known that if you wait a year it’s unlikely that anyone below the upper middle class will be able to afford education, means that everyone is pointing the finger expectantly at you to rise above the prejudiced scrutiny of the world.
Is all this pressure on students necessary? Don’t you remember the days when passing ‘O-Levels’ was an achievement? Let alone going to university, or getting the newly created A* to make even those with As feel like they could have done just a bit better? Never mind the likes of Richard and Judy,( whose qualifications amounted to them being paid to be ‘lovely’) claiming that exams are easy, and students aren’t as smart as they were. How about students just began trying harder? Or teaching standards got better? Personally I like to put it down to jealousy that makes the UCAS swine tell  new students to apply for less impressive universities. I challenge Boris Johnson to learn 42 Blake poems and two Renaissance plays off by heart in the space of 6 months and come up smelling like roses. In fact, no I don’t, because he’s just so damn adorable, the Etonion idiot.
What I want is to take things back to when you were congratulated for doing your best. So here’s a big pat on the back for even sitting A-Levels, a hip-hip for sticking with it for two years, a large chorus of “for they are jolly good fellows” to those of you who tried hard, and a cacophonous SCREW YOU UCAS because we all did well just for getting here.
I personally am jealous of those off travelling this year, and am as nervous as a Geordie in a spelling test about going to University. However, here I am ready to undergo the next wave of pressure so I guess it was worth it for me. Then.. what next? Life begins? Well, let’s not be too hasty, we have to survive fresher’s first.
Honor.

What Next?

<a rel="attachment wp-att-2506" href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/life/2478-obituary-beckhams-football-career/attachment/beckuse"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-2506" title="beckuse" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2010/08/beckuse.bmp" alt="" /></a>It was Jefferson that once said, “When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on”. A phrase David Beckham has taken all too literally in the twilight years of a career rhapsodised by pundits and fanatics alike. Far removed from the twinkle of the Tinseltown lights Beckham was ostensibly fated to identify from a young age, there has been a football career unique in its recitation from any other. Beckham was a pioneering football prodigy, one of the few players to ever cross the white line whose every career decision felt like it had some mystical bearing on your own existence.
Originally beginning his fledgling career at the lesser prestige of Tottenham Hotspur, the grand overlord of the contemporary kick about, Sir Alex Ferguson, spotted a competitor steeped in technical proficiency. He consequently poached, then introduced him into the grassroots of the most refined assemblages of footballing aptitude in a generation; Manchester United. My Father once described him during a loan move to Preston North End as “Devoid of pace, yet overcompensated with the best right boot in the business”.
Alongside his wing wizardry, David happened to convey an angelic formation of features. It was sheer providence that dictated his rise with the stellar ascent of the Spice Girls; cue one Miss Victoria Adams. The rest as we know is history. An English Georgie Best with a penchant for a public photo, yet an evidently less fervent passion for the bottle was born. If Best was ‘El Beatle’, then Beckham was surely the Paul to George’s John. Both men were coincidentally products of the red side’s paranormally proactive legend machine.
There was THAT goal at Wimbledon, the halfway line crack that made the Premier League customary Neil Sullivan look like a hungover 14 year on a Sunday morning. We all recollect graphically, the sensational and almost supernaturally struck free-kicks that seemed to home like scud missiles past flabbergasted ‘Keepers across the land. This earned David international recognition and a hefty helping of publicity.Then came the contemptible kick out at Simone in 1998. Beckham saw red, and consequently witnessed David Batty make a mockery of the term ‘Penalty Kick’. Becks could be forgiven for a feeling of prejudice, as his juvenile shoulders unjustly took the weight of the perpetual malevolence that follows an English World Cup exit. Truth was, and for the record still is, they simply were not good enough. Like a phoenix from the proverbial ashes of national dismay, Beckham rose to orchestrate a benchmark of British footballing history. The ‘99 treble. Emanating from a family inclined to disregard Mancunia’s most successful club, it was through resisted awe I watched Beckham regurgitate with almost celestial class, an array of sumptuous set-pieces, pinpoint passing and most markedly, the unwavering desire to track back any given distance to recoup a lost ball. A celebrity at this point? Probably. A Sporting Superstar? Most definitely.
The Nou Camp is of course the Elysium of purist football and philosophy, and has in turn been auspicious in offering sanctuary to the likes of Cruyff and Messi.  Even the most partisan of Catalans must threaten a smile at the contemplation of Becks whipping over a trademark corner, for the Baby Faced Assassin to convert with the most ruthless conviction. The European Cup had been pilfered in an outstandingly galvanising fashion. The Red Nosed Dane executed gymnastics of jubilation, as Manchester readied itself to regale their next wave of European Champions. They say the music died on an aircraft with Buddy Holly and The Big Bopper in ’59. The same went for Mancunian football (the red half) in ’58, as a tragic quantity of the Busby Babes, a symbiotically youthful team of inconceivable talent, met an icy and harrowing end. Empowered by the fertile loins of Fergie’s youth system, the rebirth was spectacular, and the focal point was one D. Beckham.
Though it must be declared, nothing lasts forever. The Greece qualifier was a final international hurrah at Old Trafford in 2001, accumulating in Beckham curling home a last gasp free-kick, an art comparable to any surrealist offering from Dali. The Stretford End went delirious as Becks had guided his Golden Lions to another World Cup. It must be said that these feats of phenomenal sport were now almost expected by the national faithful. It wasn’t too long after this that the rumours of Fergie’s boot kicking antics came to the fore. Beckham’s wounds seemed to prove such, and hence followed a premature passage from the hallowed turf of Old Trafford as Leytonstone’s prodigal son bidded ‘Hasta Leugo’ for the final time. A Schoolfriend  had just purchased a draw full of DB7 clothing. This range of garments in hindsight, along with the autobiography, was an ill advised marketing decision. You can imagine a 12 year olds sentiment.
‘Goldenballs’, the newly crowned England captain, flew the nest to Madrid, with a WAG and film-star rank of recognition in tow. He fitted like a piston to a rod in the ‘Galacticos’ engine, as Real’s consistent conception of monopolising European football by buying the biggest and the best had brought Beck’s to their shores. In the balancing act of being David, there was of course international football to consider, as in 2002, the land of the rising sun was to play host to the greatest sporting show on earth. It seems to have been a recurring theme in his career; to reappear from controversy by communicating through his preferred medium of boot on ball. Perchance it is a gauge of the greats, that their destiny is almost scripted with a poetic irony from Beckett or Berkoff above. Of course we drew the Argentineans in the groups and of course Beckham avenged the indignity of his dismissal four years previously by slamming home a penalty to subdue the ‘Argies’ once more; Thatcher sunk the Belgrano, but Beckham had submerged far more. Metaphorically speaking, it is a rarity that a man can even the scores on an inequitable event of a past conflict, yet the repeated resurrection Of DB7, at this point DB23, was, to say the least, a meal ticket for the tabloid presses.
Inevitably, few chimes sounded before Beckham was again involved in National consternation. A penalty miss against the English kryptonite of Portugal in Euro 2004, saw him take partial blame for another preventable exit. Déjà vu transpired in 2006, as the injured skipper looked on with an expression of excruciation whilst his Lions limped out against the Portuguese. Those infamous English nerves once again capitulated during the pressure cooker of a penalty shootout. It was a dejected and weeping Beckham that faced the Vultures of the Tabloid’s the next day. True to his unpredictable temperament, he acted as a sacrificial lamb, giving up his beloved England captaincy, and quelling the general bloodlust that more heads must roll from the ‘Golden Generation’. His epoch as ‘Le Grande Fromage’ of British football came to an abrupt halt. The sensation of deterioration was sustained in his Madrid career, as the only dressing room in Europe with more stars than an astronomer could decipher, was proving a colossal challenge for the schoolmasterly merits of Mr Capello; the now sardonically placed villain of the piece.
It is a measure of the man, as despite the harbingers of doom circling manically over Beckham’s fragile career, he once again exemplified a Casanova like covetousness for his profession, confirming to Capello his steadfast skill. Real went onto conquer the league; Beckham went on to cement his name in footballing folklore. It was at this crossroads, Soccer’s James Dean, given a capricious career that would have given Spielberg a potential blockbuster, fittingly, set course for the municipality of angels. A decision perceptibly pressured by the label lust of his highly maintained missus. Unfortunately in all walks of humanity, when there is ascent there must be descent. Heroes do not exist, and if they do, they assuredly fade away. It is at this point that the plunge of our icon begins. A brief loan spell at AC Milan was engineered before the debacle of this year’s ‘African adventure’. It was a blatant attempt to prove his worth to one time nemesis Capello. Won over before, the San Canazian, a man of devout Catholic  faith, was almost convinced again, before the unrelenting adversary of any veteran footballers career brought the curtain crashing down on the illustrious 115 cap campaign; the Achilles Tendon.
Beckham delineated the ‘adroit persona’, and a maturity some thought may never come to fruition as he chaperoned the England team in South Africa. He worked as a mediator, given the England gaffers none too extensive knowledge of English vocabulary. Although given the performances, one can’t imagine him needing any more lexical variation than a few choice profanities. Becks has also invested his energies into spearheading the 2018 bid for World Cup football in Britain. He was forced to unwittingly act as the makeshift spokesman following the destructive nature of Lord Triesmans aristocratic faux pas, as it was theatrically embellished in the time honoured form of double crossing mistresses and Russian bribe Roubles. It is with understated anti-climax that Capello has dropped the guillotine on this, pardon the cliché, immortal career, without so much as a text message to the most capped outfield player the country has ever created.
David Robert Joseph Beckham OBE royally accredited, is a man who embodies the dogma of Kipling’s ‘IF’. He has never, throughout a career I have not even begun to scrutinise, lost the common touch. Experience has taught us that he is capable of swaying the self assured mentality of the Italian, though time eventually diminishes every man. The romanticist in me yearns for Becks to play on, yet if the Arch has seen the last swing of that fabled right boot, there shan’t be a man in the English territories that won’t exclaim, “The Boy Done Good!”
<script type="text/javascript" src="https://video.unrulymedia.com/wildfire_12318498.js"></script>

Obituary: Beckham’s Football Career

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1851" href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/life/1831-m-kat-a-student-perspective/attachment/meph"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1851" title="meph" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2010/07/meph.jpg" alt="" width="550" height="413" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/meph.jpg 550w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/meph-300x225.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/meph-494x370.jpg 494w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/meph-165x123.jpg 165w" sizes="(max-width: 550px) 100vw, 550px" /></a>
Traditionally, University is a hotbed of drug use and experimentation. From a student’s first spliff, to narcotics of a more extreme nature, the youth that makes up our ‘Chemical Generation’ are not afraid of extending their moral boundaries. However, it was this year that a drug of intelligent chemical manufacture and retail, managed to utterly revolutionise the student experience.
‘Mephedrone’, or as it is affectionately known by its users as ‘M-Kat’ (it also has a plethora of other nicknames, from ‘Bubble’ to ‘Miaow ‘) changed the landscape of youth culture and drug abuse. As this most powerful of substances was, for an unfathomable period of time, available over the counter.
An undergraduate friendly amalgamation of legality and cheap mind distortion consequently remoulded nightlife in the North-East. The effects of this drug alter from person to person, though commonly it induces a chatty and friendly state of euphoria. For a time in the Bigg Market area, the bouncers were out of a job. (Insert Raoul Moat joke here)
‘M-Kat’ fused vast swathes of people, who would have previously never even shown so much as a nod of acknowledgement to one another, into full blown conversations on the Chinese foreign policy or the best method of how to perform cunnilingus, believe me I’ve heard it all. This drug is also highly addictive, whether under the effects, or soberly craving a ‘rail’.
Closely related to both the dysfunctional ‘Amphetamine’ and ‘Cathinone’ families, users will often ‘fiend’ for more and more powder whilst under the influence to keep the high going, and to stave off the inevitable fall from elation. This is achieved either through snorting, which is fairly self explanatory, or ‘bombing’; a method where the user wraps the drug up in cigarette skins and swallows accordingly.
Conversely, it has an ugly side to it, crashing comedowns after ‘sessions’ are frequent. This drug has solely de-railed close friends’ lives and left certain acquaintances in very dark places. I do not for a minute condone or glorify the use of this substance, yet this article is written to combat the complete misrepresentation of the ‘Plant-Food powder’ in the mainstream media.
Firstly, it was only marketed as ‘Plant-Food’ to comply with the medicines legislation, with an ironically Machiavellian label quoting ‘Not for human consumption’ used to round the issue of arrest. It has now been re-classified as a ‘Class-B substance’ and for good reason. Gone are the days of coming home and trooping out with an associate, whom shall remain nameless, to the ‘Kardbar’ for his Friday night sack of contentment. Bagged and wrapped in an informative leaflet on ‘Mephedrone’, and all delivered with the customary beam of a shop-keeper who still couldn’t believe his luck.
Tabloids such as the ‘The Sun’, with their ever misinformed balderdash, peddled falsities and dubious tales of the ‘Toot’. Yes, a handful of young and ordinary students tragically lost their lives. And that is incontestable. However, the full stories of ‘Mephedrone’ being taken with a cocktail of other recreational drugs, were never fully reported, nor were the medical histories of the deceased. They were instead shunned for the Hollywood headlines, and the crusades against this ‘evil’ drug that appeared to be rotting the future of our nation from the inside out.
Perhaps the saddest thing about this whole situation is the mere fact that the drug wasn’t proscribed sooner. The tag of legality gave previously ‘Alcohol only’ youngsters, whom wouldn’t touch a drug for fear of regulatory retribution or societal rejection, an exciting dimension. A freedom which would allow research into the effects of something other than the booze, without an inkling of trouble. It’s the sight of this type of person, that carried the ‘Beacon of Hope’ within an otherwise ‘Wired’ generation, trying to re-arrange their jaw structure whilst removing their top lip with the bottom, that just doesn’t sit well. From pretty to Picasso in 10 minutes.
The long term effects are also worrying. Already proven as a vascular-constrictor, it is not totally out of the equation for this flare up of powdered mayhem, to seriously affect the health of its users in the none too distant future. I pray this is perceptive paranoia. It must be stated; the vast majority of people who enjoy this drug, do so sensibly and restrain themselves from the minority, who indulge in 3 day binges minus sleep. Not to say that this is wrong, though given the lack of professional insight into the drug, it could be described as playing with fire.
Love it or loathe it, ‘Mephedrone’ has undeniably altered the manner in which drugs are viewed by the average student. It has also created a divide between those who abstain and those who indulge. It has pulled us together and dragged us apart. And for the most part, redefined student night-life across the UK.
It is probably nothing to be particularly proud of, nonetheless, many of this year’s University and College intake, have played their own little part in shaping drugs culture for the perennial wave of Freshers in years to come.

M-Kat: A Student Perspective

<a rel="attachment wp-att-1796" href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/music/1754-sketches-tyne-bar/attachment/sketches"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1796" title="sketches" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2010/07/sketches.jpg" alt="" width="600" height="398" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/sketches.jpg 600w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/sketches-300x199.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/sketches-494x327.jpg 494w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/sketches-165x109.jpg 165w" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" /></a>
Without blowing the proverbial trumpet of my home town an unnatural amount, I’d like to say a short word about Newcastle’s sudden re-invention of its underground music scene. With the legendary Cooperage closing all those months ago many found themselves isolated, frustrated and alone; or perhaps that was just me (I fucking loved that place).
Hyperbole aside, a little part of Newcastle’s culture died that day. However what emerged from the now reopening Cooperage’s ashes was a multitude of stable club nights, that although more central retained the pulse that made the Cooperage so exciting. OCTA PUSH’s appearance at the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/thetynebar?ref=ts">Tyne Bar</a> last weekend was a great example of this, a whirlwind of sounds created quite simply by word of mouth and buzz, two things that Newcastle’s scene was once built on.
So a week later, what’s to look forward to? Well tomorrow (9th of July), sees the lads from <a href="https://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/pages/SKETCHES/115221568513232?ref=ts">Sketches</a> emerge from the dim neon of Newcastle’s North Bar. Playing anything from shoe-gaze to dubstep, the night seems guaranteed to jar, contort and make very little sense, but why would you want anything else? So all that’s left to be done is to urge you get down to the Tyne Bar from 8pm tomorrow, you may even enjoy yourself.
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/event.php?eid=110846845630888&ref=ts">Check out the Facebook Event</a>
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/?ref=logo#!/pages/SKETCHES/115221568513232?ref=ts">‘Like’ Sketches on Facebook</a>

SKETCHES @ Tyne Bar

<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/life/1730-yoghurt-warrior-clothing/attachment/yoghurt2/" rel="attachment wp-att-1760"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1760" title="yoghurt2" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2010/07/yoghurt2.jpg" alt="" width="700" height="385" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/yoghurt2.jpg 700w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/yoghurt2-300x165.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/yoghurt2-494x271.jpg 494w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/07/yoghurt2-165x90.jpg 165w" sizes="(max-width: 700px) 100vw, 700px" /></a>
While writing for Crack in the Road is a thrill in itself, the ability to use your ‘job’ to blag free stuff is always a bonus right? Thought so.
And what’s even more thrilling is if this free stuff is actually worth having. Yoghurt Warrior’s new line of urban wear would definitely fall into that category; twisted, sadistic and surreal, the range definitely takes a slightly more disturbed stance on the images it depicts. But don’t let Winnie Wee Pants (A grotesque dribbling teddy bear) or Oink! (A slimy, fat, naked police man) put you off; this is a line that’s definitely worth feeling slightly disgusting for. So anyway, while I go sell out some more in the corner why don’t you go and check out Yoghurt Warrior’s online shop, with several items on sale there’s never been a better time.
<a href="https://yoghurtwarrior.bigcartel.com/">Yoghurt Warrior</a>

Style: Yoghurt Warrior Clothing

It would take a feat of lexical wizardry to concise the implications that ‘Rave in a Cave’ had on youth culture in Newcastle on the 5th of June. This event did nothing if not demolish the media’s hackneyed perspective of all teenagers being lager loving, knife flicking, sexual tyrants.
Five hundred teenagers and young adults at an illegal rave in the middle of a park in Newcastle at midnight; sharpen those pencils ye Daily Mail scribes. The events that unfolded were refreshing, and more vitally, vindicating for our peppered generation. It started with an enormous trek into the belly of this particular beast, the Jesmond Deane’s cave. Upon arrival there was a scene to assault the senses. Ironically, a tranquil tunnel littered with tiny candles, which looked as if it paved the way toward a Hindu shrine, serenely mapped the route toward the thumping sound system. The crowd was varied with (and before you suggest as much, this is not an obsession) ‘Rah’s’, ‘Scene kids’, general music lovers and the occasional ‘Charv’. Oddly enough, a great deal of the people making up this broad-based crowd were suspiciously sober, (us included).
The DJ’s were of a high pedigree; with a personal favourite being a house remix of Gabriella Cilmi’s pop hit ‘Sweet about me’. The music played was generally house beats with a modicum of Dub-step thrown in for good measure. Everybody danced long in to the night trying to stifle the beaming grins breaking onto their tee-total faces. No honestly. There was not an iota of trouble or even a glance of malice.
Broken Britain? I beg to differ Mr Blair. It’s the music, and events such as these that are putting Blighty back together again.

Rave In a Cave

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Written by Sam Heaney 
Newcastle is a city of an inspiring cosmopolitan nature. An acceptance of all colour and creed is branded into the very essence of the ‘Toon’. Nonetheless, the primordial issue amongst student circles, surprising given the nature of the modern day societal hierarchy, is class. The annual mass migration of students from their, in my cases dour Northern towns or quaint Southern Hamlets, only adds fuel to this burning sub-community debate; Reality versus the ‘Rah’.
Before I launch into this article, a brief description of what determines a ‘Rah’ must be attempted. Loosely speaking, ‘Rah’s’ are generally of Southern extraction and from a privately, and almost definitely, costly educational background. Jesmond has become the citadel of ‘Rah’ lifestyle. From a brief 9 month stay as the enemy within, I can tell you it is more of a philosophy than a life choice, their unwavering dedication to their overblown typecast is one that sparks resisted admiration. Muscle-bound males clad in Canterbury regalia saunter majestically alongside the svelte and willowy opposite gender of this clan. The boys hint at metro sexuality whilst retaining their ‘rugger’ induced macho status. The girls, often and quite peculiarly huskily voiced, perhaps from the intake of Dunhill cigarettes from around the age of twelve, exude an air of confidence whilst nonchalantly preserving their femininity. At times you can’t help but feel these kids have won the genetic and financial lotteries in one large and sickening roll-over.
As Jack Will’s bags are strewn simultaneously across the laminated floors of a hundred ‘des-res’’ across Jesmond, Radley purses are blithely packed to the brim with daddy’s Christmas bonus, and the Pimm’s begins to flow…. things change. Figure hugging Hollister t-shirts are wedged on over un-naturally large pectorals, as the sex from Venus slide their most desirable Westwood dress over pristine flaxen hair-do’s. And using up the last of the fragrance obtained from the gap-year in India, they quietly hope it will gracefully float like a gondola down the Venetian canals into the nostrils of a Coutts executive’s son and heir. Aesthetics aside, the drink starts flowing and this lot undergo a complete personality change.
Blueline drivers are insulted by what passes as, and I lay claim to this coinage, ‘Rah-ish wit’, as the silver spoon brigade are full steam ahead toward ‘Madame Coo’s’ or ‘Perdu’ to indulge in another night on the ‘lash’. We have all seen the ‘Youtube’ satire; hauntingly it isn’t far off the mark.
For the rest of us hopelessly encaged in an economic downturn, (of course recession isn’t applicable to the average ‘Rah’, bank bonuses saw to that), it’s on with the Topman T-shirt and Burton belt, as being a fashionista on a shoe-string is a far more difficult discipline. Smart price noodles are washed down with enamel decaying double strength cordial, then it’s on with the ‘pre-sesh’ where a blitz like mentality and coercion begins to snowball in correlation with the amount of ‘Shit-mix’ or ‘M-kat’ consumed. The boy’s are still handsome and the girl’s still elegant, yet a greater degree of decorum is evident, as fertility isn’t flung into your face here, not quite yet. Metros are boarded, nothing concerning the monetary element; we just prefer the romance of a potentially free journey. Gamblers to our very core.
Newcastle city centre subsequently becomes a sexual version of the Somme, as the quest for sexual pleasure ensues. The textbook two tiered mating ritual of the annihilation of taste buds through the medium of trebles in Basement, before the coup de grace of borderline legal groping is carried out in a clockwork fashion by the now sweat-soaked Hollister brigade. This, it could be argued is fair game, but it is the ruinous mélange of alcohol and arrogance that ignites the dispute. This article is satirical, stereotypical and for the most part written with sarcasm, yet on a serious note, the quantity of this particular species that find it necessary to shoulder-charge their way through ranks of students at the bar, to give Alistair and Camilla a rousing welcome to a haunt they frequent weekly is alarming. If not moderately humorous.
The ‘Rah’ conduct in takeaways is something else. Their uber-confident belief that they are unquestioningly, head and shoulders above all others is as infuriating as it is gratuitous. I for one can claim to be no Florence Nightingale after a couple of scoops of the black stuff, and for that matter nor can the majority of us students who fall into the ‘reality’ bracket, but the average ‘Rah’ takes drunken etiquette to a new level.
In the world of the honorary Geordie student, this disagreement rarely, if ever comes to blows. It could even be debated that a gentle sober ribbing of our respective worlds adds a unique and appealing dimension to life in the ‘Toon’. Additionally, this is not an argument of ‘Poly versus Posh’ as both universities bristle with a combination of its home grown aristocracy, county set and Noveau Riche; though it is undeniable their stronghold is most positively the red-brick.
Love them or loathe them, the ‘Rahs’ are entrenched in Jesmond and will not be leaving inaudibly; sherried-up or otherwise. More importantly they are a newly adopted piece of Geordie culture. A Newcastle minus our genteel brothers and sisters might not be so luminous after all.

A Class Apart

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As this summer’s world cup looms large the traditional English cocktail of mesmerisation, celebration and commiseration will be served, not always in healthy measures, across the pubs and clubs of this Island nation. The countries passion, pride and emotional prosperity are irreversibly intertwined with what we like to call ‘the beautiful game’.
However, this is a sport much like the tragic-comedy masks of theatre; a fitting simile with a perverse undercurrent, one far less pleasing than the other. An association notoriously scrutinised by the media, the correlation between football and violence is unavoidable. In 1886 the modern game got its first taste of what was later to become the casual movement, as ‘Prestonians’ clashed with Queen’s Park ‘ruffians’ under the archaic arches of the Preston Train station. In this country especially men have always fought men to protect the ‘valour’ of their chosen club, it is a societal ailment which has spread across the world; yet commonly dubbed the ‘English disease’.
Conversely a far less reported tale is of the domestic divisions and the often bloody collision’s which occur following an international defeat, or even victory, as outwardly pleasant homes across the nation are temporarily incensed . Statistics state that inter-spousal aggression more often than not come from the male party, this figure can rise up to as much as 10% more on match day weekends, as the fervour for the game boils over in the confines of fan’s homes. This is a statistic that is undoubtedly shocking and quite disastrously demonstrates the importance a single game or result can have on a select few. It is obvious that for many football goes beyond a game; it is an uncontrollable and inherent way of life.
In South Africa itself, away from the Floodlit Mecca of the 94,700 capacity Johannesburg Soccer City Stadium, there lies a dark underbelly of South African poverty, desperation and drugs; which in many ways poses a far superior problem to that of the ‘English Disease’. Ironically the infamous township of Soweto lies just next to this incongruous architectural triumph, an example of the extremities of South African society that may become a symbol of world cup violence. Excluding the obligatory Panorama special illuminating the legacy left by Apartheid and Mandela, there is in fact a distressingly small amount of genuine and pro-active international action or insight being taken, to ensure equilibrium in this most disproportionate of micro societies. Crystal Meth or as it is more commonly known in these townships as ‘Tik’, is cooked up as often as a kettle is boiled in Britain; the word narcotic, meaning ‘reality distortion’ is one of particular significance and requirement here. The average lifespan for those in the townships is around 31, yet with so many mixed up in the gang culture this figure is somewhat presumptuous.
The ghoulishly named numbers gangs of the 26’s 27’s and the 28’s haunt these townships with their prison inflicted tattoos and notoriously remorseless mentality. Murder, prostitution and drugs become a necessary currency, as members attempt to climb the rickety ladder of gang recognition. Although this gang is more renowned as an organised prison gang, it has an almost complex set of tentacles that reach far into deprived areas to exploit the next generation of hopeless youth. Needless to say the argument between national and private healthcare isn’t too hotly debated here. Life will suffice.
As the extravagance and razzmatazz of the finals will hopefully take centre stage, the networking power of football will entwine the nations of the world with a romance greater than any Veronese love tale. World leaders such as Obama, Berlusconi, and dare I say it Cameron, will pile clichéd praise on the hope which blossoms out of such enormous international sporting events. It is these same leaders who will transfer their election manifesto clichés of defiance and equality onto the suffering of those helplessly trapped within the townships, and those affected by football related violence. This goes beyond a game.
Written by Sam Heaney

More Than a Kick-About

<a href="https://admin.crackintheroad.com/uploads/2010/06/ic434large_horsehead_nebula.jpg"><img class="alignnone size-full wp-image-1104" title="horsehead nebula" src="https://api.crackintheroad.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/ic434large_horsehead_nebula.jpg" alt="Orion, Horsehead Nebula" width="900" height="595" srcset="https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/06/ic434large_horsehead_nebula.jpg 1500w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/06/ic434large_horsehead_nebula-300x198.jpg 300w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/06/ic434large_horsehead_nebula-1024x677.jpg 1024w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/06/ic434large_horsehead_nebula-165x109.jpg 165w, https://api.crackintheroad.com/images/2010/06/ic434large_horsehead_nebula-950x628.jpg 950w" sizes="(max-width: 900px) 100vw, 900px" /></a>
Space is boring at the best of times. Yes it’s pretty, but so is the Mezquita at Cordoba, and you can enjoy the entirety of that without breaking your brain with distances, measurements and concepts that include everything that ever will and has been, of which even infinity is one of the easiest to grasp. At the same time, though, there’s a degree of cognitive dissonance at work here as it is pretty damn important and interesting at the same time, just only when considered at the right time (old high school lectures about the solar system in which half the class can’t even grasp that light has speed being a good example of when it can appear boring). Consider this fact: the milky way, our galaxy no less, being composed of 400 billion stars and also only one of billions of other galaxies in the visible universe, is crashing. Then consider that even this is of no real importance to us as individuals, occurring roughly 3 billion years in the future, 2 billion after the Sun turns us in to the planetary equivalent of Paul Gasgoine’s brain, and even if we somehow avoid that, our solar system being flung billions of light years out of the galaxy, as may possibly happen, won’t even have any real perceptible effect to the goings on in our own area. So it would take something pretty damn special to affect us right?
Betelgeuse is that red star in Orion that the aforementioned high school science lectures taught you about, being the ninth brightest star in the night sky and clearly visible to even the naked eye, though something as simple as a decent pair of binoculars will give you more detail if that’s yr thing. This is mostly down to its size, being one of the largest in the known universe and stands at a staggering 500 times the size of the Sun. Casual facts that stand as the equivalent of the name dropping the self-promoting DJ asshole at every party may try and discuss to other revellers aside, Betelgeuse is old. Old enough to be dying.
Now, you might know that stars die, you might not, depending on what sort of a child you were. Me? I once got OCD over putting the glow in the dark stars that stuck to my ceiling in to accurate constellations. In the past 17 years, Betelgeuse has shrunk 15% as a result of an endothermic build up of iron reducing the outward pressure in its core that maintains its gravitational stability. Nothing that surprising there, except astronomers at Mauna Kea, a large complex of observatories in Hawaii, have recently gone on record as saying Betelguese is no longer the round, disc shape that characterised its appearance from Earth, rather it has begun to become elliptic, indicating that the gravitational collapse is causing it to deform. In other words, Betelgeuse is collapsing at such a rate that the star itself is becoming unstable, like kicking a really shit football. As a result, there’s increasing amounts of dicussion amongst said astronomers that a Betelgeuse supernova isn’t something that’s going to happen in hundreds to thousands of years (which is still not that long in star lifetimes) but in the coming weeks to months, years at best. Apocalyptic myths aside, it is now expected to be incredibly likely before 2012, but in our lifetimes if the most long term estimate is correct. What will it do? Well the last good supernova that was seen on Earth was in 1054 awnd as bright enough to be seen in daylight for 23 days and in the night sky for 653 days.
 Okay, so something pretty nice looking will be in the sky, that’s not the life altering event I was promised at the start, you may be thinking. Now consider that this resulted in the night time brightness of a full moon when the moon was obscured. Then also that this was ten times the distance away that Betelgeuse is and is believed to have been far smaller in size and intensity. In fact, it is  expected that Betelgeuse will, at the very least, be twice as bright as a full moon, with the upper estimates placing it closer to a second sun in brightness- imagine the sort of ‘bright darkness’ you see at 5am on a summer day and you’re probably close. Even bigger, though, is the fact that for those areas of the world where it is visible during the daytime, it could be like having two suns. So farmers are going to be pissed off.
So to recap for those of you who use Spark Notes over classic literature, the two reasons why an irreverent individual like yourself should probably care:
1) Supernovas are bright. The last truely visible supernova was in 1054 and visible night and day. In the day it lasted noticeably for three weeks, at night for two years. It’ll likely be two to three times brighter than a full moon is on a clear night on a cloudy night. For two years.
2) We may be out of the immediate range of damage from the emitted radiation, but scientists believe some chromosomal damage may be experienced by the vast majority of the earth. It might not cause any noticeable harm, but nor does wireless internet, and you can bet there are enough people right now claiming some sort of injury from that.
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Writer’s soundtrack: St Vincent – Apocalypse Song
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68rXwBtNsy8

Betelgeuse (Or how I learnt to care about supernovas and love science)

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‘You’re not from round here are you’ ‘Yeah’ ‘Where you from then?’ ‘Newcastle’ ‘No you’re not you’re coloured f*** off’.
The Fascists had taken over Newcastle.
This weekend’s EDL march and subsequent UAF counter march was a timely social barometer of the underlying political and racial tensions creeping evermore into the public’s consciousness. Given the size of previous political demonstrations in Newcastle, a low key affair was expected despite the local media predictions of anarchy in the build up to the event. Therefore walking out of monument station at around 12 o’ clock to instantly stumble upon a minor leftist rally complete with lax policing, was hardly surprising. However after travelling further into the city the scale of the demonstrations began to resemble the media forecast. Hundreds of police, including the cavalry divisions cut a swathe toward the epicentre of the issue; Central station.
Keeping bias out of an article such as this is painstakingly difficult; however the congregation outside of the Gotham Town pub was a sight to stir the emotions of either side of this argument. England flags and ‘patriotic’ banners were held aloft, as a crowd of clean shaved, tattooed men gathered to sing football chants in an apparent effort to eliminate radical Islam. Perhaps most disturbing was the amount of young people brought to the EDL rally, yet more casualties of the EDL’s ignorance.
The simultaneous UAF rally, carefully plotted by the police to avoid to the EDL, made its statement next to Newcastle’s ‘Gate’ complex. A strong fervour for the demolition of nationalist ideology was palpable, as chants of liberalism and freedom echoed through this busy area of Newcastle. Undoubtedly inspiring stuff, yet I couldn’t help think they were preaching to the converted. Amongst the EDL, the message was both primitive and confused; their speeches riddled with contradictions and misinformed attacks on Islam, and the apparent rise of Sharia law. Most startling was the EDL’s complete ignorance to their own message. The transcription above of the conversation a member had with Crack in the Road’s Joel Chima served as sufficient evidence. For a ‘movement’ that at first glace seems so motivated to achieve a common goal, I was surprised to see EDL’s as confused and divided as they were.
The day in the end fizzled out with no arrests made and very little violence, in many ways this was a testament to the quality and discretion of the policing. Both the UAF and the EDL departed seemingly pleased at the awareness they had raised. The EDL left almost as quickly as they had arrived, returning to their home towns on coaches and trains. The UAF, made up of a primarily north east contingent, made their far shorter journeys home. The general consensus was for a ceasefire to be declared and for the music to begin; as the Evolution Festival took over Newcastle’s attention once again.
Written by Sam Heaney

You’re Not From Round Here Are You

Hilarity Bites returns again this month with another fantastic and varied line up of comedy. From the fantastically eccentric Seymour Mace to the bloke-ish humour of Carl Hutchinson there really is something for every comic palette this month. So, on the 15th April get yourselves down to Blake’s Coffee House in Newcastle for this chemically engineered concoction of hilarity.
Seymour Mace
Seymour Mace’s surreal free form stand up takes the audience on a slightly off-beat flight of fancy, with his childlike and often childish explorations into relationships and naive investigations into why things are. Follow the hilarity into his charmed mind to see through his eyes… life, the universe and bears!
A multi-award winning comedian, Seymour has featured in every series of “Ideal” on BBC Three, and is now unable to walk down the street without being recognised by the nation’s stoners. Seymour’s world is a unique one, but enter it and you’ll leave all the better for the experience…
“Breathtaking… a surreal performance, he had the audience in the palm of his hand from start to finish.” – Evening Chronicle
Carl Hutchinson
Carl was Magners Pub Comedian of the Year in 2008 and won the Beat The Frog World Series in 2007. Carl was also a finalist in the esteemed So You Think You’re Funny competition in 2007 and was a nominee for the Leicester Mercury comedian of the Year in 2009 – not bad going at all for this young man from Newcastle.
“The phrase ‘One to watch’ gets bandied around a lot on the comedy circuit, but Carl is one of a few new comedians where it actually applies. An up and coming talent, Carl takes the mundane and makes it down right hilarious.” – Evening Gazette
MC Chris Ramsey
Chris Ramsey strides onto the stage and you immediately know you are in safe hands; his high-energy delivery, hugely engaging manner and off-the-cuff style have made him one of the most exciting new acts to hit the circuit in recent years. Upbeat and lightning fast, he commands the stage with the tenacity of a comic with twice his experience.
A finalist in the 2008 Chortle Student Comedian of the Year Awards, and Nominated for the Leicester Mercury Comedian of the Year Award 2009, Chris is a regular compere at some of the biggest comedy clubs in the UK and has supported Lee Mack, Russell Kane and Stephen K Amos on national tours. He has been a guest on QRadio and Kerrang Radio and provided live warm-up for Channel 4’s The Gok Wan Road Show, performed for BBC Comedy Presents and had a number of appearances on The Credit Crunch Cabaret, hosted by Frank Skinner.
“Effervescent as potassium, and brighter.” – The Northern Echo
Tickets for this show are £8 each and can be bought in advance from either <a href="https://shop.hilaritybites.co.uk">https://shop.hilaritybites.co.uk</a> or in person from Blake’s. It all kicks off at 8pm for some top comedy and great food and drink.

Hilarity Bites Comedy Club

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<div style="text-align: center;">I had been considering writing an article along these lines for a while, however had never felt much good would come of it, but after hearing that the Digital Economy Bill was passed yesterday in the House of Commons, I felt compelled to air my opinion. For those unfamiliar with the bill, to sum it up basically, it will allow Internet Service Providers to cut off the internet connection of any customer who is suspected to have been participating in illegal file sharing. Owners of copyrighted material can report internet users to their ISP if they suspect that certain user has been illegally downloading the material that they own. Once the connection of the user has been cut off, it is up to the user themselves to prove that they were not using their connection for the downloading of copyrighted material. The law was passed at the House of Commons, with just over 3% of MPs turning up for the debate.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">Without even putting much thought into it, you can see a huge hole in the logic there. The countless number of times I have “piggy-backed” someone’s internet connection whilst out and about is the first hole in the law, how would that person prove that I had hacked into and used their internet connection? Especially tour average, everyday internet user not knowing a huge amount about the programs or the set up of the systems they are using. If someone was to sit outside my house and access the internet for downloading copyright material by breaking through my WEP code, do the Government really think there is any chance whatsoever that my unsuspecting parents could then prove in a court of law that it wasn’t them downloading? They find it difficult enough to use the internet with the WEP settings in place, never mind having to implement new security options.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">The second major flaw is how will this apply for businesses? If an employee downloads copyright material whilst at work, will the ISP cut off the internet for the entire business? Of course they wouldn’t. As the law will include any material downloaded illegally, it will span from all mediums, TV shows, movies, music and software, but will they all be treated in the same respect? Will the copyright owners of an adult film company report a person for downloading their copyrighted material? Not a chance. It’s a hugely flawed law, being used to target your everyday internet user, who yes, may occasionally download a song they heard on the radio, but aren’t causing any meaningful damage to the industry. From conversations with artists themselves, I can say that the general consensus is that downloading their music for free is benefiting them in the long run, in terms of record sales and gig attendances. As it currently stands, the artists themselves see an almost insignificant amount of money generated from the sales of their records anyway.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">This leads me onto the death of creativity, as I have named it. Being a “consumer” of music, I can openly say that yes, I do illegally download the odd song from the internet, however the amount of money I have put back into the industry through buying songs first listened to through illegal methods, easily outweighs that of the money that I would otherwise have used to try to discover new music. People who feel pressurised by new laws which restrict illegal downloading, are opting to use legal services such as Spotify for experiencing music. Having never especially been a huge fan of the idea, the new Digital Economy Bill is only going to heighten the usage of such programs. I’m sure the majority of musicians would agree with me on this, that music is not created to be listened to whilst sat in a dark, cramped room, through cheap laptop speakers. The very fundamentals behind the art of music assert it as being a portable method of expressing emotion, the very fact the the majority of instruments are of the size to be carried on the person emphasises this point. At a time when expressionism should be being encouraged, it seems that new laws are repressing this emotion, and forcing people to adhere to a set stereotype. The invention and growing usage of the portable mp3 player has opened up an entire new art form to many people, with those who otherwise might not been inspired by music, being given an easy and affordable chance to experience sounds new to them.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">In summary, I believe that the music industry, record labels in particular, should be looking for ways to work alongside “illegal” downloading, not suppress it to the extent that people are put off from listening to music at all. There is also no doubting that on the whole, the more people listen to music, the more inspired they are to produce music of their own. As it is we are a generation who find it hard to express ourselves other than through the medium of the internet, do we really want to remove another of our most important and beautiful pastimes?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">What are your opinions on the matter?</div>

Crack in the Road